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Gray Area

Aug 17, 2015 - 0 comments
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resistance

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almost

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gray

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area



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FocusMe was not up when I turned on the computer! It caused me to skirt on the edge of acting out. I looked at some skimpy clothing and unintentionally caught a few topless. I didn't go all the way. I don't know if it's cheating to say I didn't view porn but did view scantily clad women. I did also eventually start Focus Me. Satan is definitely alive!!! I guess I'll be gentle with myself as long as I correct the problem with my software not coming up. The weekdays, especially when I have the whole day off, are the most difficult to manage. Since I did resist from going any further and didn't intentionally view nudity, I will count it as 0. I basically kept on YouTube.

I did find, however, that my resistance to viewing inappropriate things a very bit stronger! I am surprised! I believe even more time will build even further resistance. I need to remember to not resist, but to replace. That means replacing inappropriate thoughts with trusting thoughts. Feed the good woof!

So I think I did feed the bad wolf a little today, but hopefully I can get back on track and get another week. When those nostalgic thoughts come again just like they did a second ago, I need reject them and think on trusting God with everything I have!

So I built up some resistance, but need to forge ahead. Giving thought to the bad wolf seems to stir up the bee hive. It needs some time before it dies back down.

Finally, this tracker and wanting to produce more good days was also motivation. It was in the front of my mind. The consequences are devastating to have so many days in a row and then to lose them. IT IS ALSO A PLUS THAT I WAS ABLE TO DWELL ON THIS TRACKER AND TRUSTING GOD IN THE MIDST OF STIRRING THE BEE HIVE! Usually, I get myopic and can't think of anything else.

I would define what acting out is, but I'm afraid I would give myself permission to dwell on those things that are not included. At some point I need to include even softer media in my boundaries. It's obvious what porn is. But for now, I just need to recondition my mind to feed the good wolf, not feed the bad, and consciously put my trust in God with everything I have.

In conclusion, I hesitantly say I didn't view any porn today because technically I didn't. But I did view skimpy clothing, I did stir the bee hive, I did sabotage my reconditioning of my mind. However, I did also experience SOME strength to resist, I didn't look at porn, I stayed away from more explicit videos in YouTube (Music Video) I was able to dwell on the good wolf like God and my tracking goals, and I did start FocusMe at a point.

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