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Mar 11, 2010 - 7 comments


Things are just happening and I cant seem to get control of anything except work and even there I am disjointed -cant concentrate - missing time - Sudden urge to just runaway, be a kid - then HUGE RAGE - ANGER -UNCONTROLABEL -  Sunday afternood nearly put my car in the river - only could not control myself enough and could not figure out how to drive - screaming and shaking hurting increadably crying  but in some of it I could see myself doing it but could not stop- I think there is more that is controling me than the past events it remember and have had counceling for. My sister explained her DID (she is a victum) - and somthing in me said YES - thats what i am feeling - AM I MPD/DID - - ANYONE  /////?????????????

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535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Mar 11, 2010
I am sorry, its tough when you get times like this, what meds are you on are you taking anything could have any side effects ? I do believe that sometimes we need outside help to get past a trauma like yours ,its not always possible to go it alone.Meanwhile it could be you need to take some time off and do something else other than work,its our thoughts that make us feel bad, so less say you nearly put the car onto the river, well you must have been churning over past trauma in you head whilst driving, get into a habit of NOT thinking, Yes I know that sounds simple it actually isnt, we have to make it into a habit that when we start thinking' worrying, stressing, we say "STOP' use it like a mantra, "say to yourself, I am Okay ,nothing is happening ,these negative  feelings will pass, I will be okay soon ..."If it has worked for me it will work for you, I dont have to do it now , but I know if I have had a stressful day I can sit quietly tell myself ' all is well' not think anything bad, focus on something positive around you .,ground yourself tell you what it is very enpowering, I am a stronger person for being in control of my thoughts and feelings .Three years ago I was having panic attacks in stores ...I beat it .....

1064902 tn?1305138606
by jacktar09, Mar 11, 2010
Margy - thanks - I have all sorts of "stratagies" to cope but some times they are useless - especialy when there is anger - thats what scares me - I wont hurt anyone - just cant control - And then there are times I have it all together - so - more counceling - soon - Hope you are getting squarede away withthe house -and that cat has found a favoriate plaece to call her own - I wish I had one - Paul.

1032715 tn?1315984234
by narla, Mar 11, 2010
Hey Paul,what's going on friend-You need to take some deep breaths,I know it's easier to say than do.But keep writing in your journal try and let your anger out in your writing,I found just writing about my feelings helped.I have been where you are,I remember many times been in my car thinking about driving into a tree or light pole,It's scary that you can even have these thoughts but you can get through these feelings.Try and think of the positives in your life now,try not to dwell on the past,are you still having counselling,if not you need to go back into counselling.I'm here if ever you just want to talk or vent, get rid of your anger.Send me a PM anytime use me as a sounding board,I'm a good listener and I'll respond as soon as I see a message from you,don't hesitate this is when you need friends and I'm here to be one. I'm not sure what MPD/DID is sorry,can you explain it for me.But just remember to breath, write,vent and I'm here for you.

Stay Safe and write back soon,  Love and Big HugsDenise

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Mar 11, 2010
We doint move into that house until the 27th March but we will own it on the 19th at close of escrow, I am hoping that the cat is okay I have got very fond of her, I may have to keep her in more we are in the hills, or just below them, and coyotes run around, well they do around most of the Los Angeles area .,so I will go out with her in the mornings and try to keep her in most of the day and certainly at night.she is so used to going out during the day when she wants to I am not looking forward to it...Do you mean you live by your self or would like to ?Narla is right try not to think about the past ,its not easy but you can get into the habit...

535822 tn?1443976780
by margypops, Mar 11, 2010
PS meant to tell you my DH also has outburts of anger they dont last long and I ignore it ,how does your wife manage when you are angry ?

1079218 tn?1297028844
by MrsMacDugle, Mar 19, 2010
Dearest Paul,

I'm sorry to say but that I've been away for so many months to not have realized that you needed a friend & one that may fully understand what you've been experiencing.

My angerside/persona that I named affectionately for the person that taught me the most anger, Her name is Barbara, well she is just part of me now but she does emerge when I'm feeling like I'm being oppressed, taken advantage of & just plan pushed around.  I'm 2nd of seven that is in control of the 7 personas that I shattered into & had develop through the years of traumatic events in my life time.  My very, very innocent baby/child is named China & she is whom I've been nuruturing back to health.  2nd of 7 is DeBRA she is my here & now & she was my most abused, I also have Lil' bit aka Debbie who is my small child that experienced the joys of my childhood & would run & hide when the terror would come about & thus DeBRA would emerge again to take care of me, So you see most of the time in my life I wasn't fully aware that I had done this but through the extensive years of therapy & recall of events & traumas, I learned about each of them & discovered that they each have their own strengths & weaknesses.  So if you can sit very quietly & hold conversations with the voices within you & can actually envision the persona that is out or wants to emerge than most likely you do have MPD/DID but I'm not a psychologist/psychiatrist I'm just a survivor that shattered & is becoming one with herself & others along lifes journey into full recovery.  I still shatter from time to time & we have a group meeting/yelling match within my head when it occurs, but I can generally get every facet of me back into alignment now & be able to allow each of them to be heard.  I have my wildchild aka Dancing Debby that emerged after the gang rape she was the one that took over & is my recovery alcoholic, drug addict & now survivor.  She is highly evolved.  I feel each with different emotions & each have distinct personality traits, So if any of this sounds like what occurs for you, you might want to ask your therapist for their opinion of it.  And they may have a better way of helping you determine whether or not you do shatter or if you had shattered in the past to deal with the devasting traumas. The nurturer of me is Debra she is based off of my loving grandmother.

Your friend in the Lord, may God bless you & keep you safe from harmsway

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by mcbobface, Jul 29, 2012
I am DID. I cant quite tell you how many of me there are, somewhere between 20 and possibly 50   it's been a lot of work. and alot of choas.   all the time. Im currenntly with a partner that is very accepting of and whome i love dearly. Probelm is, alot of my alters dont listen, don't care to listen, and are not always in a place to listen, I also have some alters that are very brilliant and are having a very difficult time with handling my boyfreind when he says something that i don't feel is correct, and lately we've been getting in fights about it and it doesnt feel too good. i really love him. seriously the most incredible person i've ever met, but i cant help that some of my alters seem to think hes stupid. i really bite my tounge. but it's hard when he says things that dont make since. I really want to be a better listener to him, anbd want to see his perspective and am fine with him seeing differently  but because a few of my alters are so verbal about their own opinions he's constantly feeling like he's not being listened to and being told he's wrong. it's hard to communicate, being myself a fast, overly animated, and sometimes venement speaker about most things im interested in, and him being a very thoughtful, but very very slow to talk, talker. he takes a long time to say things, and i take 2 seconds to say a million things, im sorry but i have alot of people in here with alot of veiws, ideas and whatnots, and it's very difficult for me.    i want to improve. i dont want to fight and i really dont want to run him off because he's constantly feeling like i dont value his opinion or ideas, because i do, but it makes me feel attacked also that he's constantly feeling like im attacking him or putting him down or telling him hes wrong when i dont think he is. and AAAAAAHHHHHHHH. fudge. adnhwsho;egvdfz;bhios heghioharfgliuhearog.    i do9nt know what to do. i need help. I know i suck at listening sometimes, and yes, i do think he's wrong sometimes, and i just dont know how to go about comunicating when this is so, and even when it's not....

please help

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