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nobody really cares

Jul 15, 2008 - 9 comments

I feel like i am all alone, no one really cares about me unless im doing for them.. i am so tired of having to do everythig and getting no help.. I feel like a little kid that will get in trouble if her chores are not completed.. i have so much to do and no time for me, and nobody really cares...

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Avatar universal
by extrmeski, Jul 15, 2008
YIKES!!  That doesn't sound good at all.  Maybe you need to seek some counseling?   I know from my own experience, I was so in love, that everyday I used to get up and think of something special I cold do for my g/f to make her life easier.  

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by lagoya, Jul 15, 2008
sorry to read u are not feeling cared about it is important to take time for yourself in whatever things u enjoy or that relax u dont be too hard on yourself we all get overwhlemed with things from time to time
take 5 and let everything fall back into place tomorrow ia another day
do something for u


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by Cindee56, Jul 15, 2008
Hi Charlotterose,

First of all, you are very pretty.  Second, you have two little children, and I'm sure that keeps you extremely busy.  Boys no less!  I am 52, but I remember when I was a young mother with my son and two stepkids, that I would feel like I was just a maid and cook.  Nobody ever asked me how I was doing or feeling.  It is very common that women are just sort of taken for granted by their family.  

Try to speak up.  Talk to your husband/boyfriend about how you feel.  Ask for help or a break.  The problem is that women just keep doing and doing and everyone gets used to it.  You have to stand up for yourself, too.  Go out with a girlfriend or get your hair done, go to the spa, whatever.  It helps.

Good luck.

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by lonewolf07, Jul 15, 2008
Hi

Cindee is right.  I have four kids and am a single parent.  Even though my "kids" are older now and self-sufficient, they still think their needs come before mine.  Women are "taught" that we are caregivers, self-less and loving all the time.  We aren't.  It doesn't mean we don't love our kids but sometimes we need a break from them or we won't be much good as parents.

For the past few years, my youngest daughter has been estranged from me.  I haven't seen or heard from her in over a year.  She blames me, of course.  Even the best mother - and I'm sure you are a good mother or you wouldn't be posting this - can't predict how her children will act/react when they get older.  I spent years trying to be a relatively good mother, worked to support them, took them on vacations, etc. and still have one accusing me of abuse.  I'm not trying to scare you or make you feel guilty - I'm thinking I guess that if I've known then that everything I missed out on (a social life) so I could be there as a mother to my kids would turn out like it has, I probably wouldn't have done as much for me.  But maybe that's just big talk.

If you can have a break from things and do things you want it would make a HUGE difference.  The thing is do you know what you want or need or what would make you feel better?  I didn't but I hope you do.

Hugs to you

wolf




Avatar universal
by pertykitty, Jul 15, 2008
i can totally relate, dh wants me to hear about his day, 10 yr old son wants me to listen to his stories and make him lunch, 8 month old dd wants to be nursed and carried everywhere, mom needs me to watch her dog, sis needs me to babysit but is busy when i ask for the same.  i have finally learned to say no.  

to dh "i can listen later when the kids are in bed" and while he was upset in the eyes figured out i love him but need to do things in a time that works for me as well

to 10yr old son "get out the stuff and make your own sandwhich i will listen to you while i feed the baby", he is fine with that now.

for me, i have made time to steal minutes for myself.  to remind others that i exist and i have needs beyond being a wife and mom.  they forget, thats all.  they dont really dislike us, they get used to us doing everything for them.  we have to set boundaries and keep expectations real about what they will or wont do for us.  i have learned when i need something from dh ( be it attention, help with a chore, take over with the kids) i dont wait for him to offer - i ask or tell him i need it done.  hopefully im on the right track of what you are saying, sounds like you need to get the kids to help more around the house, and get a night out with dh and let him know you need lots of love and attention like a first date!! i might take that same advice!

Avatar universal
by JoyRenee, Jul 15, 2008
I don't know you but I saw your journal entry on the sidebar. I am really sorry you're going through a tough time!!! I've been there and it's not pretty and definitely not fun. Just this morning I called DH at work and told him I had had it! That he needed to help me out more because I couldn't keep doing EVERYTHING for everyone without any gratitude or acknowledgement. It just wears you down... again, so sorry!

Avatar universal
by AUNTDD, Jul 15, 2008
I have to agree with cindee56.  you are very beautiful.  I'm so sorry you are sad.  Please know you are never alone.  I had a bad day the other day.  I had a little rant rave.  and I got so many possitive feedbacks.  We are all women and are here for each other.  We help and listen to each other.  I hope you feel better soon. It will get better k.

Tammy

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by sweetangel7, Jul 15, 2008
Everyone seemed to hit the nail on the head!  I don't know you, but I saw this on the sidebar and I wanted to reach out to you.  As women, its like we are programmed to think that 'no' isn't in our vocabulary.  My mom is a chronic people pleaser and it wears her down  and I had to help her say no to people...I bought her a calendar called 'getting in touch with your inner *****' and it was cute, it had all these little sayings about 'saying no is an option'...and little tidbits on how to deal with rude people.  Anyways, hopefully you can vocalize how you are feeling to the people in your life so that they know that you are human and you need support too-just like them!  Try to step back from your extra commitments for a couple weeks and focus on you and your kids...everyone else will have to learn how to deal with their own lives without help or recruit new people to support them!  Good luck and I hope that you feel 'better' soon =)  Hang in there!  By the way, you are very pretty!

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by cathycooley, Jul 23, 2008
hey hows things with u?im so sorry ur having a real bad time of it,i was just reading ur post and wow everything u say is all me also ,its so annoying and all i ever think about is dying.please dont let urself get down as ur kids need u ,look forward to the future its hard but it will work out.please mail me sometime as i feel we have alot to shre.


takecare.

cathy.x

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