Oct 13, 2015
I had just noticed while driving down route 52 that all the trees had suddenly turned gold and pumpkin orange. How lovely fall is in New Jersey, and really not as ugly as the news makes the state out to be. I saw a dirt road off the road and decided to take some pictures. I felt a pang at that instant when I heard the ghost of Jay whisper behind my newly dyed ebony hair, "don't you realize if he was around you wouldn't be able to do this?"
Yea, I know Jay. There was a lot of things I wasn't able to do if he was around. But he would of been company. Somehow I had to find a way to be alone. It wasn't easy. I was just telling Lynda on the phone how I was tired of getting rid of ******* ****. That was all the crap left in my garage from all the men that lived in my house. He was number three. Come on, Walnut, I told myself, "isn't it about time you stop letting men move in?"
I had almost got the nerve to text him, please will you come and get the rest of your ****? But the thought of talking to him may bring on an episode of atrial Fib. Like an alcoholic without booze for a whole week, it was like getting an reward for having a week without an attack. I had to remember, back then, all I said, which was, "all I care about is my health.." I said, if I got better, and I didn't have to lay down under the rosemary curtains of my canopy bed, without having a pounding heart that beaten so loudly that my whole body shook and I couldn't fall asleep, that if I didn't have an attack, I would give him up. I hated being sick so badly that I would give him up.
"You have been going through this for years!" Jay exploded and then he was gone. He always seem to disappear when I was just about to tell him off, the only good thing was, I knew Jay would be back.
Exhaling, I looked into the woods. It was so calm and peaceful. I crept deeper into the brush, wishing I had my easel and my paints. Not that I would have the strength to carry everything, but it was a nice thought. Lifting up my hand, a persimmon leaf fell on my palm, a gift from the trees. It was then, I took to looking up at all the beauty, and suddenly I forgot all about him.