Oct 14, 2015
I had been walking around my living room, so happy that the side gig of picture framing photographs for Mr. Henley was done and I was able to put the room back in shape. I lit a candle and it felt ghostly around my house, which even though I was the one that built it in 1987 it had a way about it, that seemed 100 years old. Maybe it was from all the antiques and vintage fabrics I collected through the years even before the girls were posting pictures of them on Pinterest for being quaint, that I threw all over the tufted brocade sofas or hung on the casement windows, it just felt old, and I felt older around them. But like Drew use to say to me, I was like a Victorian woman, I had felt a coldness that seemed to creak from the front door, and I knew Jay was back.
He had been appearing a lot more lately. I had read once, that when you thought of a person that passed away, it meant they were really thinking about you. The truth was I had been thinking a lot more about Jay lately, because I was on another break up. And just like magic, there he was.
"thanks a lot."
"Huh?" I asked.
"You only want me around when he's gone."
Thats really not true, Jay. I always wanted you around. Who else am I going to drink with?
"I can't believe you can't drink chardonnay," he growled that was so human like, and loud.
"Well, Jay, it brings on AFIB."
It was then, he was wearing that short tartan skirt. I had started laughing. You see since I met Jay, he was done with all that. He never even told me and Jen about how he use to dress up in woman's clothes, because at the time we met him, his lover had already been gone for years and he had no interest in meeting another guy again. It was almost strange, how he was gay, yet didn't like men anymore enough to date again. In a way thats how I felt about Tanner. It was like I was a widow and he passed away. Gone from my life, and really, now I could understand, why Jay never wanted to date again, and like hearing my thoughts, in a way like he knew me then, he said, "well, not really...there was that cab driver that drove me home from the pub that night!"
I started laughing so hard that I had to sit down on all the ripped laced curtains that were hanging over the sofa. It was really pretty funny, how I forgot all about him, and his friend Neil that would tell us what the real Jay was really like. I had asked him, why didn't you tell us? as little Jen would pipe in, "did you think we wouldn't love you anyway?"
Thats all it took. I got up in a split second, twirled around, and almost opened a window, to look out, to search to see him at least once more again, but he was gone. I almost went calling, until he said, "don't you think its about time to stop depending on me? You need to let go of me, Walnut, maybe its time you stop depending on everyone."
Crossing my arms I said, "how can I depend on a ghost? Your kidding right?"
It was the truth. It annoyed me to pieces but that was the reality.