Oct 20, 2015
It has been a long time since i wrote on here! (5 years to be exact - half a decade! i feel so old!)
i am still with the same guy :)
Ive just been reading through my old journal entries and it is suprising how much ive matured sinse then!
I am now a final year student nurse, ive passed my dissertation with a 2:1! the last thing i need to do now is my final nursing placement which starts next week and ends in january. If i pass that then i will be a qualified staff nurse!
Eating wise, im now at a healthy weight (have been for years) but still have problems with the anorexia thoughts. I still havnt been to the doctors and told them about my eating issues. But i have frequent blood tests done as im now deficient in B12 and have to have injections for the rest of my life and im now deficient in vitamin D and sometimes my iron levels. So i have got long term health affects which has been caused by the eating disorder. If i could go back to when i was younger, i would have asked for help. That is one of the main things i have regretted.
Eventhough i have never been to the doctor about it, i do go to an eating disorder self help group which helps alot. These past few months have been very stressful and upsetting for me, so my eating has deteriorated. I thnk im going to have this problem for the rest of my life, i just need to learn ways to cope with it.
The last self help group meeting i went to, i admitted to them that i havnt been eating and not drinking enough either. Which is a massive step for me, as i never tell anyone this! They are offering me support and has advised me to get professional help.
After a long, (almost 10 years) of having messed up eating. I am now trying to find the courage to ask for help. I know this isnt going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run. I lost all my teenage years to this and im not willing to loose any more years. I need to get better, i have got health affects caused by this already and it will only get worse if i dont get help.
I have matured now and understand that i cant do this on my own.