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My First Post Verbatim

Oct 24, 2015 - 0 comments





anything medical

In addition to major depression (and anxiety due to depression), I suffer from ADHD and am prescribed Adderall 30mg tablets 2x daily along with Effexor 100mg tablet and Clonopin 1mg tablet 3x daily. I began Effexor 100mg tablets twice a day roughly 3 months ago. The first week or two I was manic. Heart racing, sweats and insomnia exacerbated. I told my doctor and he said take one in the morning only. I trust him as he suffers from major depressive disorder like me. One did in fact work just fine. The Adderall I take for college (I’m on the 10 year plan. One bad decision or lack thereof after another slowed my academic, social et al progression). More than likely will continue Adderall once I have a career as it does quell my wondering mind. Moreover, Adderall helps my goal of graduating with a bachelors from a prestigious university this semester (finally!!!).
The Effexor 100mg tablet once a day has DONE WONDERS FOR MY LIFE. It took my mind and body a good month no longer feel the mania/high/jitters. I am stable with it now but still have that "black cloud" over my head since I was 4 or 5 (I'm a 28 year old man). Effexor, if you can stick to it for a week or two, let your body and mind adjust, it MAY work for you. Men, your best buddy “down there” may not stand to attention when called upon for the first month. One month of sexual abstinence served me well since my exgirlfriend’s sex drive was markedly higher than most women.
Currently, I am going through a stronger bout of depression due to our painful breakup and asked my doctor to give me something to complement the Effexor 100mg. An added boost to my energy since depression confines me to my bed; and long bouts (weeks, months and even years) continuous depression like mourning over this break up could have resurrected my old “hermit” ways. Therefore, he has prescribed me Celexa and I haven't filled it out at the pharmacy yet, and do not remember off hand what mg. Effexor and Celexa work differently. So, I am hoping this bombardment of neurochemicals will aid in my depression. My main goal is graduating college while staying clean off drugs.
ADDERALL does have a comedown once it wears off and sometimes can make it difficult to sleep. That’s where the Clonopins come in handy. Trazadone, helps me sleep as well. Most effective sleep concoction for myself is two OTC melatonin tablets, Trazadone and one 1mg Clonopin. I have trouble sleeping due to negative thoughts welcoming me at bedtime. In my recent past, I used drugs to self-medicate. Marijuana to Heroin. Formerly, heroin posed two win-win options: I could get real high OR I could die. Not so obvious to the depressive, that line of thinking epitomized delusional. Antidepressants coupled with a good support system, i.e. doctor you like, family/friends, venting on the internet or private journal, etc. currently allows this purge of my experience with depression written sober.
CLONOPINS/Xanax I have taken continuously for a year plus and sometimes would go a month without having any. As a former heroin user, benzos do not have strong sedative effects. Not to mention I have generalized anxiety disorder, and anxiety rears its face whether I’m on many drugs, prescribed or otherwise, or sober. Never experienced benzo withdrawal however. BENZO WITHDRAWAL is a documented, potentially FATAL condition. So, don’t stop cold turkey. I just got lucky I guess. Truthfully, prior to my antidepressant Effexor and abusing drugs to cope, death never a deterrent. On some days, it still isn’t. Perhaps we who battle depression have an innate death wish. A death wish actively pursued by attempting suicide or passively allowed by mindful negligence. Examples of passively allowing suicide: popping one too many pills, combining alcohol WITH ANYTHING, turning to street drugs, not wearing a seatbelt on a snow covered, icy day where black ice layers the road as if the demons of depression taunt you with 4 lanes of high speed, blaze of glory potential death: A darker form of the “yellow brick road” where death not home intended destination… you get the gist.
EFFEXOR, when I stopped taking it for two days, crying spells and overwhelming depression overcame me. I will never do that again. At least with an Adderall comedown, you’re not praying for a benevolent bullet from an all knowing sniper to relieve you. And Adderall comedowns intense, especially if binged on and the medication abused. I’ve had my 2 day binges cramming for exams because I procrastinated. Depression does that to us too; it places a voice in our head, “Who cares about accomplishing x, y and z. Death eminent for us all and probability that God’s surefire go-to remedy for life and all its woes is death, sadly visits many depressives sooner than the “Normals.”
Know that we have abnormal brains, most likely born with and manifests from psychological/physical trauma or drug abuse. Know that the “Normals” appear to have less to deal with so their triumphs and successes seem trivial to the depressive. Know they possess only the ability to look at life and its problems naively, discomforted by infrequent sadness like mourning as opposed to clinical depression. Know that we may appear or in fact be pessimists at times, but we serve as voices of caution and well thought out reason to “Normals” blindly leaping into situations. Their youthful ignorance a constant companion, our adherence to step back and consider the bad unwavering. Know that we are not alone. You are not alone. Inconceivable losses to the “Normals” possibly commonplace to us. But unlike them, we take it on the jaw, wipe the sweat off our chests and march forward. For there may not be a worse day than today, a statement, proven by our continuing existence, wholeheartedly false.  

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