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Nights like these...

Mar 24, 2010 - 4 comments

It is nights like these that I just don't know what to do with myself. After my DD goes to bed and my DH is working out of state, all I have is myself and no distractions. This is a time when my grief comes to the surface. Geeze I used to be able to have a glass of wine or two without breaking down! I miss my baby and I feel like no one can relate. I would not be sitting here drinking this damn wine, singing this sad song (that no one obviously wants to here in my family), if I still had him growing inside me. The truth is that it happened, my precious baby died what can I do now!!! I try to share a site that I made in memorial of my son Hunter and it seems like everyone went there once and now I am the only one that visits even though I add things all the time. I sent an email out to some of my closest friends and family of a slide show I made of Hunter and not one person responded!!! I feel totally alone....

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by krichar, Mar 24, 2010
You are not alone...We are all here for you ans know exactly what you are going through. I still start randomly crying at work, alone or not. A little piece of our hearts are gone forever and it will always hurt especially in our alone moments with no distractions. I don't even talk about Kashton except to my husband as I feel the same, no one cares. I even have a playlist of songs on my ipod called kashton and they are my alone, scream at God and cry out loud songs where i try to release some of it. I would love to see your website...if you want to share it. All i did was buy a baby book called "in the company of angels" it is a baby book designed for baby angels to put all their keepsakes and photos in.

Please message me if you ever need questions asked


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by songinmind, Mar 24, 2010
Oh, hun- you are definitely not alone.  It is so sad that not only do we mothers have to go through the pain and confusion of a miscarriage, but then it's almost a 'taboo' topic that people don't want to discuss.  Definitely you can lean on us here on MH.  

With my two miscarriages, I had never told anyone (other than DH) so I always felt like I had to suffer alone quietly.  I'm certain your family is thinking of you and they are looking at the slide show, they probably just don't know what to say.  I lost my mom to cancer two years ago (she was only in her 50s) and we had created a website when she was on hospice.  I never heard back from so many friends when I sent that out- I was so disappointed.  Later, one friend cried when we talked about it and said that she was hurting for me so badly, she just didn't know what to say or how to be there for me.  I have to imagine that your friends and family are the same.  

Hang in there- you've been blessed with one beautiful little girl- I can only imagine that God has more in store for you and your DH.

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by queenspade, Mar 24, 2010
I know exactly how you feel.  It has been 11 days since I lost my precious baby boy.  I look at his pictures often & just cry.  DH won't look at them & when he sees that I am upset he tries to avoid me.  Some people seem to act as though it wasn't a "real loss".  Afterall, he wasn't even full term...  I am praying that in time all of my emotions will slowly get back to normal & I can begin to enjoy life again.  Please understand that you aren't alone & everyone handles grief differently.  

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by LoveofHunter, Mar 25, 2010
Thank you so much for all your support. You ladies are my lifeline right now. It means so much to hear your stories and experiences. I am not alone :)

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