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Finally!!!  Hopeful, SCARED!!  Ugh!!

Nov 02, 2015 - 26 comments








Just wanted to share with all you ladies that finally, FINALLY after all these years, we're about to enter our IVF journey.  We've been trying to raise and save the money and honestly I just about lost all hope that it would ever happen.  Trying to save and raise that kind of money is almost impossible  but a miracle happened and we're going for it.  My emotions are all over the place.  Inside I feel happy, hopeful but then the fear takes over.  My one shot, ONE shot and I just pray that's all we need.  I know there's no more after this one and I just break down.  I have no idea how to handle all of these emotions, especially the negative ones.  Any advice on that?  I know I should just try to try to be positive but gosh it's so hard.  

I've been emailing the Fertility Clinic and I have this huge packet.  OMG so much to fill out for IVF.  What to do with our eggs, donate or store them when we're done.. OMG!!    

And here I am with the sperm issue.  We haven't had Brian checked in awhile in hopes of SOMETHING being there on his next SA.  I've read where there can be sperm there, but unable to get out.  They'll do an ultrasound see if there's any and use a needle to extract them. I told Brian about this and he just giggled because I said "Oh if there's some, they'll get it" and he giggled after I told him how.  I know he's totally okay with this.  Ladies, if you pray, please pray they find something.  I would love a child, NO MATTER how, but we all want our own if it's possible.  This is going to be a new everything to us.  I'm a stresser(I just made that a word lol) and I've always been a stresser, I can't help it.  I just pray I'm able to handle this, mentally and physically, that Brian is able to also AND we get our long awaited BFP in the end.  

Also, I was wondering.  How many visits do you think Brian would have to go to?  I'm going to call them this morning to get our first one set up, but I was just curious.  

Thank you ladies SO much.  I never thought this would be possible, I've held on to very little hope and I'm so thankful I did.  It's happening and I can't believe it.  

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by krichar, Nov 02, 2015
OMG!!! YAY!!! I'm so excited for you guys.  I honestly just started thanking God every day for the helped to get rid of the negative thoughts. I did my best to relax and take it super easy for the tww. Have you inquired what an fet costs? Just in case but I know you've got this!!

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 02, 2015
Thank you SO much Kellie!!  I'm shaking, I just got off the phone with them and our first appointment is Nov 12th.  Eek!!  
No, I have no idea how much their FET is.  I'll be finding out, just in case though.  I have been praying so much and will continue to do so. That's probably what's going to get me through also.   I'm so unbelievably thankful to get this chance.  So Thankful!!  

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by TTC2006, Nov 02, 2015
Oh Des!  What awesome news!  I'll be hoping that one shot is all you need!  Take it day by day knowing that even if things look bleak one day, the difference a day makes can be incredible.  I've read so many stories of women thinking they were going to have few to no eggs for retrieval and getting in there and they have an abundance of them!

This is it for you!  

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 02, 2015
Aww TTC, Thank you so much!  I hope it is also. I've got to learn to stay positive, that's for sure.  I'm such a pessimists. lol  You're absolutely right, I've witnessed the miracles also and praying I'm one of them.  

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by hansen20, Nov 02, 2015
I will be praying for you sweetie! ! I hope that it doesn't take too long and that you get a BFP very very soon.  I know that it's hard but try not to stress too much.  Sending you lots of sticky baby dust your way! ! ! !

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by Sheaby, Nov 02, 2015
So exciting!!!!!  Will send lots of positive thoughts your way!!!  I don't have any insight about IVF,  but I know a LOT of women (both thru MH and personal friends) that IVF was just the thing they needed on the first go-round, so it's definitely possible!!

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 02, 2015
Thank you so much Hansen.  Honestly I never thought I'd get the chance and now that I am, I don't know how to handle/deal with it.  So many emotions lol.   Tyvm! :D

Yes it is Sheaby.  Love the positive stories.  Hoping and praying that's our case. :D  Thank you so much!! :D

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by KTowne, Nov 02, 2015
Des!!!!!!!!!! I am over the moon reading this!!!!!!! I can't offer any experience with this but I will be praying every minute for you and Brian!!!!!

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 02, 2015
Awww KTowne, thank you SO much!!  I can't wait!!!  :D

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by journey2motherhood, Nov 02, 2015
Des, this is such great news.  I can tell you not to stress and relax but being through so many treatments myself, I know it's very hard not to.  Just try to remain positive and believe in the possibility of  miracles.  I am someone who prays, so I will certainly pray for you and your husband.  One day at a time and if you have any questions, If I remember I will do my best to help. xoxo

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by Shannon79, Nov 02, 2015
Oh Des that is such exciting news!!!

I will be praying hard for you and hubby. I can't wait to be reading about your bfp very soon!

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 02, 2015
Thank you so much Journey.  Every kind word, thought and prayer is very appreciated.  I'm going to try to remain as positive as possible.  Definitely going to be praying a lot.  This in itself is a miracle.  I never thought I'd get the chance and here I am.  :)  I am and will forever be grateful.  

Thank you so much Shannon!!  I hope and pray I get to announce that soon! :D

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by melimeli, Nov 02, 2015
prayers to you!

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 02, 2015
Thank you so much Meli!

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by mhv, Nov 02, 2015
Des, I am sitting here with tears running down my face!!!  Omg!  I am so over the moon happy!!!  
This is it!!?  Yipppeeeee!!!!!!

Love and Hugs!!!

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by mhv, Nov 02, 2015
And I think Brian only has to go to initial appt, his "retrieval" appt, and transfer day.  

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by pb95, Nov 02, 2015
Best News EVER!  I am so excited for you guys and I **know** it will bring your BFP!!!  I am excited to follow the journey to your success!

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 02, 2015
Mel, Thank you SO much.  I can't believe it.  My heart is torn.  It's saying "Go, go now, do it" and then it says "what if it dont' work, you don't have another chance".  UGh!!  I'm sure I'm not the only one that's ever felt this way.  I'm trying to learn how to deal with it, let the positive out weigh the negative.  That's great about his appointments.  We can totally do that!  Sending love and hugs back! :D

PB, thank you SO much also!!  I can't wait to update everyone as we go through this.  I have such amazing friends like yourself and I wouldn't want to share this amazing journey with anyone else. Sending hugs back!  :)

Our First Appointment is November 12th.  EEK!!!  :D  

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by Risa615, Nov 03, 2015
Des prayers to you and that your appt goes well and you can begin your journey.  Wishing you good news soon!

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 03, 2015
Thank you so much Risa!!  I hope so too.  :)  I'm very excited and can't wait.  

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by Vency, Nov 04, 2015
Des I'm so happy to read your journal.  While I don't have any insights, I do have the ability and the belief in prayers.  I shall be praying that God guides you and hubby and walk you thru this process.  Just keep faith that this is what he wants for you and it shall be done.  I look forward to following you thru this journey.

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 04, 2015
AWw Vency, thank you SO much.  Everyone's thoughts, prayers and kind words of support are so very much appreciated. I can't wait to share it with you all. :)

I know without a doubt I'd be even more lost without you gals.  

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by KeeLolo, Nov 04, 2015
Hey Des, this I s such wonderful news!!!!! I'm so esctatic for you and Brian. I know it's going to be a lot mentally, emotionally and physically!!! But I'm praying to God above hat you and Brian get the BFP that you so deserve and so graciously want!!

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by Hollus, Nov 04, 2015
I am so happy and excited for you both!! Of course I will pray and sending positive thoughts and SSBD your way!! FX for your long over due BFP!!

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by heather727, Nov 05, 2015
I'm so excited for you!! I can't wait for your BFP! :-D

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 08, 2015
Thank you so much Kee, Hollus and Heather.  I'm so sorry for not getting back sooner.  My laptop decided to have a major breakdown and had to set back to factory setting and then updates for what feels like 4 days??? Ugh!   Anyways, Thank you  so much.  I'm so excited and very nervous.  I unfortunately had to move our appointment to Nov 23rd because I forgot Brian had a doctors appointment on the 12.  Oh well, at least we'll get there this month.  :)  

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