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Mar 25, 2010 - 9 comments

Just a quick note for those of you who have followed my story.I have resolved all my negativity from the sexual abuse,It has taken 7 months and intense counselling,but I worked really hard on sorting out my feelings and emotions,Michael,my brother will never hurt me again in any way,shape or form,I am stronger than him and I have taken my life back,I feel a great sense of relief,I have given him the ownership of what he did to me,I have forgiven him not for his satisfaction but for mine.I don't condone what he did but I have let go of the anger,hatred,guilt and shame,they are emotions that bring you down and I won't be brought down anymore.Life is Good
Thank You to everyone on here that have helped in my journey.

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Avatar universal
by AussGirl, May 17, 2010
That is wonderful you are on a positive way of thinking.
Unfortunatly we can't whipe the bad memories or the scarring. But in some weird way it makes us stronger.
And you are!

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by narla, May 17, 2010
Thank you for your comment,it has taken me 38 years to live my life properly now I'm making up for lost time,and having a lot of fun.

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by peggy64, May 17, 2010
Narla, I knew that you would do it, with Gods help. I am so proud for you. The chains are gone.

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by margypops, May 17, 2010
You are indeed Narla a testimony to all who are abused, you took it and determined it wasnt going to ruin the rest of your life, you moved on ,he was the loser not you, you are a winner....

Avatar universal
by mammo, May 17, 2010
You are no longer his victim, you are free.  Forgiving is important, it doesn't mean that what he did was right, or that your forgive his actions.  Forgiving menas you are laying down the pain and anger and walking away, leaving him for God to handle. Congratulations!

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by Jaybay, Oct 03, 2010
Thank you for sharing your story.  My husband finally began therapy for PTSD from childhood sexual abuse.  (No wonder he became an addict, right?)  It's been a painful journey, but he is doing so much better now.  For so many years he kept it all locked up and tried to live as if it never happened.  That genie wouldn't stay in the bottle, so he tried to cork it with drugs.  That didn't work either.  I am so proud of him for finally looking at it and realizing that he is a survivor.  It's in the past, it can't be changed, but he can change his present and his future.  Thanks again.  :-)

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by Ashelen, Oct 03, 2010
To other survivors....the thing that helped my healing process the most was to volunteer at a local center for survivors of childhood sexual abuse...just hearing someone in tears saying "i'll never be able to go out of my house again" and being able to say "yes, yes you will...because here I am." it opened my eyes to the process and I stopped looking at it like an endless morass of pain and fear and lonliness....and I began seeing it as a process of steps. One: immediate response, two: denial. three: anger, feelings of self-hatred and insecurity, and the final step which will never end is accepting the past and moving forward....

I'm so glad that you're healing Narla. I see that this is an older journal that JayBay just posted on, but I needed to commend you for your ability to move past it. sexual abuse as a child is horrific enough, I know...but I also know that incestual abuse is the worst because if you can't trust your family, who can you trust? and then your entire life is spent doubting and fearing trust and fearing intimacy and closeness....But you're through the hard part. now all you have to do is remember that you HAVE survived....and you will never be hurt like that again. and you and I can both be testimony to the survivors who come behind us and need to know that there is light and there is a future and you are NOT a freak and you are NOT at fault and you ARE a beautiful, PURE, UNTAINTED soul.

I'm also so glad for you JayBay...I know from watching my husband just how painful it is to be the spouse of a survivor...but with supportive, loving significant others like you and my husband....healing and hope is entirely possible.

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by adgal, Oct 03, 2010
I am so happy to hear that you are feeling stronger.  I can't imagine it was easy to go into intensive therapy and bring those old feelings to the surface.  But you should be so darned proud of yourself!!  It takes a brave women to do what you did and to not allow your abuser to control you any longer!!  Everyone else is are no longer a victim.  Way to go!!!!

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by narla, Oct 03, 2010
Thank You everyone for your comments,when you can let go it is a sense of relief,
Jaybay I'm so glad your husband is getting the help he needs,It is hard work having to at times relive what happened but it is worth it in the end.
To all - my brother will never ever control my life again,I choose to have nothing to do with him,I also chose not to tell him I have forgiven him,that forgiveness was for my benefit only,he will have to live with what he did to me for the rest of his life,I on the other hand don't have to live with it any more,In the big picture of my life it is insignificant.

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