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social anxiety

Mar 28, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

social anxiety

,

Depression

,

scared

,

Anxiety



ive suffered  with social anxiety for about the last 10 years. i think  ive always had it to some degree but i never knew what it was .. i just thought i was shy, like ridiculously shy.  i was always scared to get called on in school, not just nervous but scared.  i did ok in H.S. as far as making friends and even made it through one year of collage. but when it came time to register for my second year thats when i realized i had a problem.. i physically could not make myself go to registration knowing that i'd there alone with hundreds of strangers for hours, i felt sick to my stomach and scared to death. so that was it for college for me.  over the years since then it's gotten so bad that i hardly see my friends, i can't answer the phone, or call anyone-thats even worse than answering the phone. if i manage to force myself to a party or wedding i have an anxiety attack and have to leave. the social anxiety has lead to depression because i can't just enjoy life. finally my boyfriend tricked me into going to see his psychiatrist (i dont have anything against them.. quite the opposite in fact.. its just with the social anxiety im super scared to go go to the Dr.-escpecialy one that you have to really talk to and open up to). i shouldnt have worried.. i went in, the Dr. asked me what was wrong.. i said i have social anxiety, i feel like that guy on the commercial for paxil. he gave me a perscription for Paxil and i was done-5mins tops!   and it worked for the social anxiety, for a while but my doc kept having to up the dose and it still kept loosing it's effectiveness. at that same time i had a problem with my medical coverage and couldn't afford to keep taking it. i didnt have any warning so i couldnt try to wean off it. it was ten days of cold sweats, nausea, the shakes, i felt like the ground was moving -as if i were on a boat. when that finally was over  i was ok for six months or so then the anxiety really started escalating and the depression  got even worse than before, and kept getting worse. but because of the social anxiety it was really hard for me to go back to the Dr. so my boyfriend made an appointment and dragged me there. so i told my Dr. how i was feeling and asked him for something else because the paxil wasnt working so good when i had to stop taking it. he said dont worry i'll give you a higher dose and it'll work. so thanks to the social anxiety again i just went along with it. after being on it for a year with higher and higher dosages i tell him i'm feeling very depressed and he tells me it's just because of the holidays coming up -this was november- we'll see how you feel in three months he tells me. (~oh i dont know if i mentioned that i'm on medicaid and this was the only Dr.that it covered at the time~) so my anxiety and depression got so bad i was missing a ton of work and eventually i quit my job. next time i saw my Dr. i told him i was feeling worse.. more depressed, that i quit my job and i needed something else. at least try adding abilify .. i told him that i kept seeing the commercials for it saying if you're on an anti-depressant but still need help ask you're Dr. about abilify and they even named paxil right in it. and he tells me im just depressed because i quit my job. so i explained to him that no, i quit my job BECAUSE i was depressed and i reminded him about my last visit when i told him i was depressed then too. so he increased the dose on my paxil, AGAIN!  Thats the last time ive been there and i quit the paxil cold turkey again even tho the first time was so horrible, at least i knew what to expect this time, and it seemed to be over quicker this time. i havent been on any medication for almost a year now and ive become a bit of a recluse.  i want to go back to school and become a massage therapist.  im in the process of picking a new Dr. and researching medications.. i am going to go into my next appointment prepared. thats why i joined this site..  to get some advice and hear other peoples stories and experiences.  so PLEASE anyone that can tell me anything about social anxiety i'd love to hear it.
thank you.    sorry this got so long..  it kinda got away from me lol :)


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