i have thoughts of killing myself, like taking alot of alcohol and valium and heroin.At the same time i can feel really happy, im a little confused, ive tried before, but i dont even drop. let alone die.
its purely imaginative i have NO reason to want to die, its just another ******* chemical reaction in my head, i wrote a long note to my grandfather this morning and i cried the whole time, i been really enjoying crying lately like its been nice, i just have not felt this way for along time ( at least untill before i was on methadone )
I understand feeling like that...and you have to be feeling pretty frustrated I'm sure....Is there anyone you can really talk to about how you're feeling? Either way, please keep talking....we may not all be physically close to you, but there are alot of people here who understand desperate feelings, and I'm sure other things you're going through too...I hate to see anyone suffering, physically or mentally, and if there's anything I can do, please let me help you in some way. We're all here to have everyone's back as much as we are here to get support ourselves..so remember to lean when you need to. I have often in life felt frustrated with certain things, or felt alone, like a black sheep....I'm sure there are many others here who can relate to that, maybe even yourself . I also understand wanting things to end, and not actually feeling suicidal too, if that makes sense. It's often purely out of frustration and the fatigue of dealing with painful physical or emotional things.
Anyway, I'm sorry you are struggling...and I'm glad you said something...you have to start somewhere right?
I just started on here yestersay so I'm cruising the site.But I really hope that you don't do what you thought of.And yes it does feel good to cry! And I also understand about wanting things too end but I don't want too hurt myself.At the same time.
please, please do not do that, you have all of us here to talk to and keep doing it. It helps, you don't see our faces but our hearts and we all care about you. You can make it, it's just the devil at his work, God is watching over you and I have faith you will make it..Please keep in touch and if you need to talk, I am here for you, my friend
Genix, we all love ya man dont ever think of doing this, you are a great inspriration to many and your a really cool dude, were all in this together, your never alone, it feels damn good to cry man, the methadone wasnt letting me have any emotions.
I understand that feeling believe me, I've been tempted as I have been going through way too much lately. You have thoughts that all the suffering would be over. BUT! Once it's over it's over, no redo's no going back it's over complete.. Now is that what you really want? I mean think about it life has ups and downs, if I would have off'ed myself when I was younger I wouldn't have some of the amazing experiences I've had. Have to take the highs and lows, right now my life couldn't be any lower but I just keep telling myself that it is temporary, eventually I'll have to cycle back up. I hope this makes sense...
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