Apr 04, 2010
Grrr... just got back from DH's grammas easter breakfast. All was well until DH's stepmom had too much to drink. All the guys went outside and were shooting the shite while the women sat around the dining room table drinking wine.
In the summertime we had gone to vegas with DH's dad and stepmom. I had taken my first round of clomid at that point and had told her that our dr had prescribed some medication for me and to watch out for mood-swings, just in case.
So today she gets hammered and sits down beside me and proceeds to ask how things are going. i said things are going just fine and she said "No, how are THINGS going?". Of course at this point all the other women at the table started listening in, which horrified me. This has been an off limits topic for quite a while. So I told her that things are fine. we have decided not to try. I told her that the Dr checked us both out and that nothing is wrong, but that we have decided not to go out of our way to try. At that point someone asked if we are using birth control, and i said no, but we arent trying either. I told her that we are actually happy the way that we are, and that i'm not sure if i would like to change things. she then started going on about how you feel when it is your own baby and even if you think that you dont want kids that once you have them you would never go back, etc, etc.
At that point i started to get mad. I asked her if she was saying that my life is not fulfilled as a woman because i have never had kids. and is there something so wrong with my version of happy? Just because my happy is different than how she would define it, does that make my idea of happiness less valid?
At this point she was slurring. One of the kiddies at the table offered me an easter egg. The step mom in her slurred voice said "Eggsssthh.... I can help you with eggsssth... if you need help with eggsth just let me know". She started rubbing and scratching my back and i just wanted to get the he!l out of there.
She then told me that DH's dad would LOVE to be a grandpa. I told her that i actually am tired of pressure and told my mom to bug off when she started to pester about babies, and that i would prefer not to have any more pressure than i already have. she told me that there is no pressure and that things will happen when they are meant to, but dh's dad wants grandbabies.....
GRRRRRR I Know he would love a grandbaby, and i would love to give him one, but theres not much more i can do than what i am doing now. i dont want others to know what is going on and i sure dont want to discuss it in front of my family includeing my two cousins in law who have gotten pregnant by accident numerous times. I hoep that i came off as beleivable... Heck I am even starting to believe that i am happy the way things are. i dont think thats a bad thing.
Five minutes later the step-mom was passed out in the spare bedroom. LOL. She isnt much of a drinker.
Not sure how i feel about all this..... I think that while i am indignant, i am also happy that somewhere inside me i can find happiness with the way things are right now.