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Cornered by the step-mom

Apr 04, 2010 - 3 comments

Grrr... just got back from DH's grammas easter breakfast.  All was well until DH's stepmom had too much to drink.  All the guys went outside and were shooting the shite while the women sat around the dining room table drinking wine.

In the summertime we had gone to vegas with DH's dad and stepmom.  I had taken my first round of clomid at that point and had told her that our dr had prescribed some medication for me and to watch out for mood-swings, just in case.  

So today she gets hammered and sits down beside me and proceeds to ask how things are going. i said things are going just fine and she said "No, how are THINGS going?".  Of course at this point all the other women at the table started listening in, which horrified me.  This has been an off limits topic for quite a while.  So I told her that things are fine.  we have decided not to try.  I told her that the Dr checked us both out and that nothing is wrong, but that we have decided not to go out of our way to try.  At that point someone asked if we are using birth control, and i said no, but we arent trying either.  I told her that we are actually happy the way that we are, and that i'm not sure if i would like to change things.  she then started going on about how you feel when it is your own baby and even if you think that you dont want kids that once you have them you would never go back, etc, etc.

At that point i started to get mad.  I asked her if she was saying that my life is not fulfilled as a woman because i have never had kids.  and is there something so wrong with my version of happy?  Just because my happy is different than how she would define it, does that make my idea of happiness less valid?

At this point she was slurring.  One of the kiddies at the table offered me an easter egg.  The step mom in her slurred voice said "Eggsssthh.... I can help you with eggsssth... if you need help with eggsth just let me know".   She started rubbing and scratching my back and i just wanted to get the he!l out of there.  

She then told me that DH's dad would LOVE to be a grandpa.  I told her that i actually am tired of pressure and told my mom to bug off when she started to pester about babies, and that i would prefer  not to have any more pressure than i already have.  she told me that there is no pressure and that things will happen when they are meant to, but dh's dad wants grandbabies.....

GRRRRRR I Know he would love a grandbaby, and i would love to give him one, but theres not much more i can do than what i am doing now.    i dont want others to know what is going on and i sure dont want to discuss it in front of my family includeing my two cousins in law who have gotten pregnant by accident numerous times.  I hoep that i came off as beleivable... Heck I am even starting to believe that i am happy the way things are.  i dont think thats a bad thing.

Five minutes later the step-mom was passed out in the spare bedroom.  LOL.  She isnt much of a drinker.

Not sure how i feel about all this.....  I think that while i am indignant, i am also happy that somewhere inside me i can find happiness with the way things are right now.

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377493 tn?1356502149
by adgal, Apr 09, 2010
Sometimes I wish people would think a little more before they speak.  I know that usually they mean well, but when you are going through all of this the last thing you need is more pressure and conversation you are not comfortable with.  No one can truly know how you are feeling and they should allow you to take the lead when and if you are willing to discuss it.  I remember all the supposedly helpful but in reality hurtful things people said to me when we were trying to have a baby.  Everyone in both DH's and my families seemed to think they knew better then us what was right for us.  It was so frustrating and used to tick me right off.  I guess at the end of the day they think they are being supportive....but I really wish they would think a bit first.  

I am glad to hear you are feeling good.  I love your attitude and your outlook on life.  Your profile say's it all I think.  All the best to you, and take good care!!!!!  Amanda

631676 tn?1333718203
by usuk, Apr 09, 2010
I just love how people use words like "things" as if no one in the room will figure it out that it is a sensitive issue of some sort. I think my friends want to ask to be polite based on my history, but don't want to ask. Hence they use an opened-ended word like "things" to see if I am in the mood to take the bait.  

I am at a similar point. If and when you see me with a big belly, then you'll know if things have changed. Until then, I am not telling anyone except those covering for me at work that I am evening going to a doctor.

GiGi you always pull me out of the dumps. Sorry that someone dragged you down even for a minute. No fair :(

1064785 tn?1406638398
by Keep_alive_kicking, Apr 27, 2010
Hi there! I just read your post and I just wanted to say that I totally relate to you feeling happy with just the way things are.
I know from experience that happiness is a choice to some extent. We can choose to notice what is working, instead of what is not working. Being happy is so hard to define and we rarely know if we are happy or not. At least for me, not being able to have a child does not make me feel happy but not exactly unhappy either.
I do believe that happiness is 'in the moment' and I know I have been happy for some moments in really dark times in my life. I have also been very unhappy during happy times in my life. Happiness is in the moment and we should not be expecting a baby to make us happy because that would be unfair to the baby.
Even though I will not give up trying for a baby (yet), I will also struggle to find happiness without a child. It is not easy I know, but if I decide that I cannot be happy unless I have a baby and in the end I don't succeed, then there is no place to go except despair.
Take care xxxxx

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