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lea day

Jul 20, 2008 - 4 comments

its not ******* fair, it's a nightmare, she died at **** not even 12 years of age, what a beautiful girl, i think about her almost every day for over thirty years, so beautiful so brave, she used to get me into the shelter sheds at school and ask me to kiss her, i once walked ( at age 11 ) a kilometer or so in the rain just to view her house from a distance. Cancer took her life away, what a beautiful girl she was, she would be married by now have kids of her own, she has missed out on so much, i almost feel ashamed, then again i have lived REALLY lived , everything so much fun that i know she never even had the chance to experience. Why would that happen.People want GOD in their world to they think something there loves them, i cant come at it, if there is a GOD he certainly hates us all. Why take that girls life so ******* early, she thought i was wonderful, i just hope that the ****** way she was taken, that her short life was worth it, she wore a wig to school, and she showed me once with out it on, and i just thought she was so pretty, it breaks my ******* heart when i think about her. WHy would you be born just to experience care from me, and then just be taken away. I move between being so angry to crying like i am now. WHOLLY **** its been 20+ years and it the news of her death is just like yesterday, its effected me more over the years as i grew into an adult. I cant even begin to imagine the pain her parents went through when she died, i guess they either went life is fragile enjoy it NOW, or they just ******* died inside. Ahhh the pain in my heart for her
, ive lived i could die now, ive really ******* lived. She never had a chance, never had a chance .......

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Avatar universal
by sab805, Jul 20, 2008
I feel very strongly that the perceivably tragic things in life are a barometer of contrast. How do we determine true beauty without seeing ugly? How do we determine real pain without experiencing great sadness? You have to have contrast to appreciate and recognize the opposite. You study physics and I assume you have dabbled in metaphysics or quantam physics. These sciences have taught us that science takes us only so far and then tapers off into what is known to be a spiritual realm. If you are a man of physics then I know you know that even Einstein only took his studies so far and then he determined that the rest of the unexplainable must be spiritual in design.

You have a responsibility to your friend to allow her to see, and trust me she sees no matter what form she is in now, you enjoying all the wonderful things life has to offer. Let her see you smile and take delight in the small happenings in life that are truly amazing...a flower, a butterfly, traffic (eeks), love, wonder, nature...all of these are true joy.

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by genix, Jul 20, 2008
oh i hope she does,i appreciate the sun on my face now. Like a that guy said religion is for people who are scared of going to hell, spirituality is people who have been there and never want to go back. And you are correct everything is the opposite end of the stick pain, pleasure etc. Id forgotten how beautiful it was just to have the sun on my face until i withdrew from methadone.

Avatar universal
by gator145, Jul 26, 2008
Hello,

This is Gator,

I read this post....... Twice......It seems this young girl left a lot of plesant memories with you.......Wonder where that relationship might have gone...... Everything  that you wrote about was quite so simple ...... Life ......You have lived and she died...... You aparently have had some amount of pain since  her death..... She left a wonderful impression the short time you had together......It is good that after all these years those feelings for her are ever so present...... Painful as they are...... What a great legacy..... There must be some fond memories that bring a smile to you.....Think of those memories Friend.....

There are people in my life that have died before I felt they should....I think of them and sometimes they are painful thoughts....But then I think of the wonderful times I spent with those individuals, and the thoughts seem to get better ......

You may wish to try not to look at what was taken from you.... Rather try to see what she gave you to live with so you can be a better person....... She shared a lot with you and remember those  things well.... Let me ask this, would you rather forget and wipe away those wonderful days???????? You just may be a lot luckier than you think..... The rest of us never got to meet this beautiful spirit..... A song once said "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"......  Rather than looking in the window, why not try looking out.....You may see things you never saw before....... I am selective about the posts I reply to....Only because I can relate to some a lot better than I can to others.......  I want you to know I am glad I have the chance to reply to your post......Thank you for sharing.... Gator

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by scaredmom330, Aug 15, 2008
hello, I am scared mom and I listen to lots of music mostly country but below is a song by Kenny Chesney I listen to alot, you might like it...

Who you'd be today:


Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.

Some day, some day, some day.

I can't write like Gator, and he always makes good points...take care my friend and always remember her with a smile not tears...

Karen



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