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Apr 12, 2010 - 0 comments


i dont really no what this is journal entry is going to be about .... my heads just messed up right now and a really dont no what to do

my eating is getting worse again!!

a few nights ago i had no energy and i felt so weak, it took loads of energy just to lift my head up :/
i was like that for atleast an hour and then i thought that il have to get something to eat ... i still didnt even get any food till about half an hour later because i was sooo worried about putting on weight
when i finally did get some food i got 1 cracker, i then just sat there looking at it for another 20 mins
thinking stuff like il put on loads of weight if i ate it and that its only me anyways so if something did happen to me no one would be upset
i finally ate the cracker and that took about 15 mins :/

so it took me nearly 2 hours just for me to eat a cracker

i know that i do need to tell someone about this because thats the only way il get better.... but then i know this might sound weird but sometimes i dont want to get help because im terrified of putting on weight and my eating is the only thing i can control

so i really dont know what im going to do :/

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