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So frustrated with pregnant friend, would like to slap her.

Apr 13, 2010 - 9 comments

So here is a rant about a friend of mine.. she knows damm well that DH and i have been ttc for years.  She announced an unintentional pregnancy to me a few months ago,,, went out of her way to track me down emailing me and phoning cell and home saying to call her as soon as possible. I was worried that there was an emergency and so i called her in a panic.  when i did call her back she says "guess what,,, i'm pregnant!"  so of course i just about barfed but pretended to be thrilled for her and ended the conversation as quick as i could.  

I have been trying to be as nice as possible to her but it is hard because she is so insensitive to my situation.

I saw on my call display that she called over the weekend but didnt leave a msg.  I figured if she didnt leave a msg then it wasnt important.  So i saw that she had tried to chat with me yesterday when on facebook but i was away from the computer.  Then tonite i saw that she is trying to chat with me again.... she suckered me in again!  I thought maybe she was gonna ask for some wedding advice or someting, but NOPE, all she said was "Hi" and when i said Hi back to her she says - guess what, i'm having a boy!  She has never once in our conversations acknowledged our troubles.... so.... when i saw that she was having a boy, I put my cursor over the X and logged out of facebook.  Not sure how to deal with this, so i will just avoid it.  Like thats nice for her and i am happy for her but she is so insensitive I've had enough,,,, if i value our friendship i'm gonna have to tell her that she is unintentionally being hurtful.  If I dont value it that much, I'm  gonna have to set her free.

i guess eventually I'm going to have to acknowledge her news, but not today.  i dont want to think about that anymore.

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1244100 tn?1385905528
by missienal, Apr 14, 2010

Well, if I may..I think some ppl just don't think about our troubles like we do. Maybe she is in her own world of happy..go ahead a smack her..haha..But maybe in convo you could mention to her that hey I'm happy for you, really I am. And don't take this the wrong way, but it's hard for me to to hear your news because me and ___Your husbands name here, have been trying so long. So maybe try not to push it in my face so much okay? There is a way to be sincere and get your point across without being mean. People like her don't realize the sorrow WE go through everyday to get where she is at. I would love to just be bedded by my DH and just be preg!!

Here's a quick story..a friend at work was doing IVf a week a head of me the first time I tried..I called her during her process, I called during the 2WW to offer support and stuff like that. Neither one of us conceived. Then I am trying again..I have wrote her a couple times, and even told her about a program they were offering at the College here to ppl with her condition for free IVF she has PCOS. She has not called me once, wrote me back..nothing..I just thought it was rude. So some ppl just live in their own world and could care less about "us"..

Keep your chin up lady!! It will happen for you..and when it does..burn her phone up!!

BD!! Mel.  

982214 tn?1471454781
by krichar, Apr 14, 2010
I had a very similar situation...and i am happy yet sad to say that our friendship ended. We had been trying for 6 years and at the fertility clinic for 2 at that point, she was in sort of a relationship, abusive, he was a complete a*s and she tracked me down to tell me she was knocked up (for lack of better words). For weeks she called me every day to ask me questions (as i do have a son from a previous realtionship who is now 10), i finally told her i am not in the mood to tlak about this and for her to ask her mom...that it was hard for me...She said "oh..Iam sorry, i didn't realize that...anyway...when can i find out what i am having" i said enough and hung up. She later decided to email and tell me that i am a sh*tty mother due to the fact my ex was also an a*s and god doesn't want to punish more children and that is why i can't get pregnant...

needless to say that was that, after 18 years of friendship i had enough and never looked back, maybe it is time to just say it and let things fall where they may. Just tell her that you would really like to be happy for her and that you are trying but due to your situatuion it's just not happening now and if she is a real friend she will get it and if not maybe you are better off without


865566 tn?1356700362
by GiGiGiGi, Apr 16, 2010
Sighhhhh - she came online to complain about dragging her fiance to a used Maternity Clothing store.  I just responded with "Oh?" and logged out.  THe time has come for me to write her an email... i'm just so reluctant to acknowledge the hurt that she has caused me because then it means that i am "vulnerable" (for lack of a better word) and its almost a little too personal to share that with her... KWIM?

1244100 tn?1385905528
by missienal, Apr 16, 2010

Well, then I would just let it be..if it hurts to much and you don't want to open yourself up like that with her..let it fade out..Your kinda doing it anyways with the one liners and little comments.

In the words of Paul McCartney.."There will be a answer....let it be"..hehe

Good luck on it's a tough situation!

1129232 tn?1360800358
by kris71, Apr 17, 2010
Hey Gigigigi,

I think people that don't struggle or who have never struggled with infertility have no idea what we women that have been trying for years are going through. They don't know that every family member, friend and acquaintance that announces their pregnancy is like a gut punch to the stomach. When i got pregnant with my son (very easily), I remember an old friend was telling me about how she had been trying to get pregnant for years and you know what i told her? I told her that she probably just needed to relax and it would happen. Fast forward to now - we've been trying for baby #2 for nearly 2 years with no answers as to why i can't get pregnant again and if someone tells me I probably just need to relax - i want to strangle them. I also had a friend that knew i had been trying almost a year to get pregnant at the time and just announced her pregnancy with her second baby (after the first month of trying). Ya know what i thought as I lied and told her how happy i was for her? I wished she would miscarry. Am I a monster or what? And guess how bad i felt when she did! But then the very next month, she got pregnant again and announced it to me as well with a  - guess what i'm pregnant again! i wanted to scream. Anyway - we lost touch.i got together with her early in her pregnancy and she kept mentioning it over and over again and how her daughter wanted a sister and it had better be a girl etc. I wished she would have a boy because of that but guess what - she's having a girl - everything she wants. She had tried to get together with me a  few times after that and I made excuse after excuse. She finally just stopped contacting me and then knowing she is due any day now, i sent her an email and she hasn't gotten back to me and I don't blame her. i have been an awful friend all because i'm so jealous of every other woman out there who is pregnant or doesn't have to go through this. I literally scream into my pillow EVERY night in desperation and frustration.  i am 11 days past my 2nd IUI and I'm 99% sure it didn't work. i am AF cramping like crazy and am ready to rip someone's head off as usual. I don't know if i can keep doing this. I am so angry with everyone and everything right now and i feel like what ever I do, it will never be enough. I can't face the fact that i may never have another child and that is the most frightening part. At least if i could accept it, I could move on with my life.

1165284 tn?1323455476
by Ready_2_be, Apr 17, 2010

i have a semi friend on facebook that I also see sometimes in my area...she's not really my cup of tea, but we are in the same social group.
Everyday on Facebook she would post pictures of her husband or her kids and write. the sexiest Hubby in the world or the worlds most gorgeous kids. Or look at the beemer we bought our gorgeous daughter. I never responded, but this was so constant that she was taking over FB and I was itching to say something nasty. So I hit the Hide button a few times and it gave me an option to hide all of her posts and now when I see her she asks me if I saw something or other that she posted on FB and I just say "Oh no...I didn't notice that."
Hiding all her posts was the best think I have ever done! Give it a thought!

Avatar universal
by mlb1234, Apr 17, 2010
Oh my gosh I totally know how you feel.  When I got prego the very first time - guess what - my sister was prego too at the exact same time.  Our due dates matched perfectly except that mine ended in a miscarriage and hers in a baby.  Then shortly after that m/c (like a day later) we found out my SIL was prego as well but due 6 weeks later which also ended in a baby (we didn't even know they had been trying) .  Nice.  It was a huge blow to me.  I then went on to get prego again - m/c. Prego again - baby.  Then surprise! last summer got prego again and guess what????  My SIL was also prego at the exact same frickin time.  Again same due dates and everything - I am not even joking.  But once again mine ended in an ectopic and hers in a baby.  I am happy to say that I do not think anyone around me is trying to have another baby so hopefully these low blows will all be over!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why the frick do these things always happen to people undergoing infertility treatment??????????????  The sad thing is that I can't really bond with my new niece.  She's cute and all but I don't know for some reason I am just not excited about her.  I feel bad about that but I just can't help it.

127124 tn?1326735435
by have 2 kids, May 19, 2010
I found out I was pregnant the same day my friend miscarried.  I didn't tell her I was pregnant until several weeks later.   I thought I was being sensitive to her but in the end she told me it hurt her more.   She said being friends meant that she could have been happy for me even though she was sad for her own loss.    We went through 7 years of infertility before conceiving our 1st child and even though I would wish it were me when someone announced they were pregnant I never felt upset with them.     My friend was right- you can be happy for others and not resentful when they have something you want.    

865566 tn?1356700362
by GiGiGiGi, May 19, 2010
True, you can be happy for them on one level but it doesnt mean that it doesnt sting.  I'm happy that you are able to deal with things in such a mature manner.  I havent been blessed with that much grace, I'm afraid.  Sometimes its there, and sometimes its not.

As for your friend telling you that you hurt her more by not telling her, you never know how things might work out... its possible that if you HAD told her right away she might have wished that you waited.

This stuff is never easy.  

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