All Journal Entries Journals

I'm going to

Apr 15, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

grades

,

on fire

,

Gymnastics

,

energy

,

scones

,

recipe

,

kitchen

,

floorplan

,

future kitchen

,

steve

,

Basketball

,

hamburger

,

rhyme

,

poem

,

writing

,

kingdom hearts

,

CSI

,

Bipolar

,

delusions



Expect that I really am. I got a 100% on a worksheet, and it brought my grade down 4 points. You know? I'm just on fire. I have so much energy, but I'm still lazy as ****. I want to bend and tie myself up though. I need to do cartwheels.

What else happened? I came home and made scones. Some thing went wrong =[ There's much too much salt and I'm pissed off. Otherwise they're perfect. Light as air. Crisp. Whole. Well, not perfect. But mistakes you could look past. I'm just disapointed in myself. I need a challenge that's idiot proof. God I'm going nowhere. I'll die here in this town and in this kitchen. Though, how bad would that really be? I'll admit I spent Algebra drawing a detailed floorplan of the kitchen I intend to have one day. Down to the shelves I'll have inthe freezer. I need it all just so. I've been writing again, as well. I seem to be stuck in rhyme though. It's rather annoying. We went to Steve's house and he played basketball while I stretched and backbent his yard. Then we made hamburgers and I played KH.

We've been watching CSI;
And it was an episode about a dead bipolar girl, and her bipolar boyfriend who'd stopped taking his meds, and he thought he was the son of jesus. Like seriously. And I realized I was probably the only one in the room who understood the grand thoughts. And then I decided that show was being dramatic and ridiculous. Clearly he wasn't the son of god, then I started thinking about my own grand thoughts and realized that I myself am not a real person =/ And I need not human resources like nourishment and rest. I only humor myself and others. And then I had to laugh. Because it doesn't matter what I tell myself, all roads lead to rome. And I know it's true. And that will always keep me just a little biti scared of myself.
I'm only here to humor and help. That's my purpose. It's nothing more, nothing less. I am a tool to be created and molded and it doesn't really matter who I end up being since I'm not real anyways. I'm always surprised to see I still bleed.



Mood Tracker
Post a Comment