I found out today that my best friend and former roommate is pregnant. When she found out I was pregnant, she had told me that she was going to try too so we could be pregnant together. Well it didn't quite work out that way since I am no longer pregnant but I'm still happy for her. I know this is what she wants. And then this evening, I got a text from my other best friend that I needed to meet up with her because she needed to tell me something. I thought in my head that she was probably pregnant too because that was what my luck was turning out to be. Well she's not pregnant, but she announced to me that she and her boyfriend are trying. Which is great. Sure, might as well. I was excited for her and put on a happy face just like I did for my other pregnant friend. But I just feel like I keep getting doors slammed in my face. I was just getting used to the fact that my coworker was pregnant and I was starting to feel better about it. Now my two best friends will be pregnant and I SHOULD have been pregnant with them, but I'm not. I know right now I probably sound like a selfish little ***** and most of you are thinking I'm a bad friend, but this is where I vent. I never share these feelings with them, and I never act like this in front of them, so this is where I come to have my little pity party. It feels better to write about it. Especially on here. Because every time I think to myself that no one understands and I'm all alone, someone pops in a comment sympathizing with me because they have been in the same situation and felt the exact same way. And it's really not helping right now that I think I might be pregnant. I've already taken two pregnancy tests that came back negative but for some reason that hopeful side of me keeps saying "Maybe you tested too early both times, maybe you are pregnant, oh wouldn't this be the perfect time to be pregnant". But I know that I'm probably just setting myself up for disappointment. The mind plays funny funny tricks on you. And then if I am pregnant... uh oh. I'll be scared. Because about three or four nights ago, I had a pain on my right side (the side with my only remaining tube). So I'm wondering in my head that if in fact I am pregnant, maybe that pain was the "implantation" in my tube. Which means... another ectopic and no good tubes. Arghhh, I feel like a crazy person LoL! This is driving me insane!!