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May 04, 2010 - 2 comments

severely depressed




lost pregnancy


i hate myself





it getting the very best of me.  i feel so incredibly, indescribably awful today.  i am crying at everything.  i would be near 6 months pregnant right now if i didn't miscarry.  i wish i could have kept it; i wish i could have had something to take care of instead of needing everyone to take care of me.  and, of course, as soon as i found out - i quit.  cold turkey.  i wasn't as bad at that point but it didn't matter - i had a reason.

what's my reason now?  i hate myself; what i've become.  i don't want to be addicted but i don't want to feel this way.  i want to crawl out of my own skin.  i want to be someone, somewhere, anyone, anywhere else.

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by JanaBerry, May 04, 2010
just think if you do this you can become pregnant again and you will have some one to take care of but what if you do become pregnant and are still addicted and cant quit and end up doing some thing awful to the baby even after it is born if you can quit for that time period and you then neglect the child it would be so much worse i really want you t succeed i prayed for you to have the will faith and courage to want to do this and succeed.

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by Tate_Oju, Jul 03, 2014
I don't know if you believe in a God, or someone of that nature, but I know that I do. This has been said so many times, and trust me I know, it's getting old, but it's true: There is a plan for everyone. Now, it's not like some superior being already knows every choice you're going to make already and you can't change your fate, but as you go through life, you unfold the map that is YOUR life. I know that you posted this many years ago, Now you may have forgotten about this post, but when you receive this message, I hope that you remember how you felt when you posted this journal, and then I want you to step back and look at your life as it is now, in present day. Ask yourself these questions:
Am I happier?
Am I at peace with what happened?
Have I forgiven myself?

Now about that last question, the miscarriage that you had was completely out of your control. There was nothing you could have done, that baby was just not a part of your plan at that moment. I hope that you are in a happier state now than you were nearly 4 years ago.

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