it getting the very best of me. i feel so incredibly, indescribably awful today. i am crying at everything. i would be near 6 months pregnant right now if i didn't miscarry. i wish i could have kept it; i wish i could have had something to take care of instead of needing everyone to take care of me. and, of course, as soon as i found out - i quit. cold turkey. i wasn't as bad at that point but it didn't matter - i had a reason.
what's my reason now? i hate myself; what i've become. i don't want to be addicted but i don't want to feel this way. i want to crawl out of my own skin. i want to be someone, somewhere, anyone, anywhere else.