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i wont want to feel what i felt

May 05, 2010 - 15 comments

i cant go through what i went through. . . .

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1303537 tn?1317800741
by wishful1, May 05, 2010
what do you mean?

Avatar universal
by vegasgirl09, May 05, 2010
i go home for vacation once a year. . .and i leave my pills behind on purpose. . .i always get really sick. . .i always thought it was from travelling overseas... or from over-working. . .DUH . . .now that i've been reading people comments. . .
i realized.... it's the withdrawal. . . .i cant go through it. . .and still living a "normal" life. . .working and being watched. . .( i work where a lot of people REALLY pay attention to my mood). . .
the chills, the fevers. . .the insomnia. . the depression. . .I CANT GO THROUGH THAT. . .
'n the worst, I think, is the depression. . .Im a naturally depressed person, i think.  
'n from reading everyone's comments on this site. .. i dont know if i have it in me to let go of the pills. .
I REALLY WANT TO BE FREE OF THE PILLS. . .BUT what do i do?
cold turkey. . .or decreasing the dosage?
i dont know what to do. . .

Avatar universal
by anewstart2010, May 05, 2010
Hi Vegasgirl.  How many tablets have you been taking and what kind?

1303537 tn?1317800741
by wishful1, May 05, 2010
i dont know if i have it in me either to stop the pills, that is why we are all here talking, we really need to help each other. wat do u have to take tomorrow? nothing?

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by vegasgirl09, May 05, 2010
norco 10/325.  . .for 2 years. . .and i mix norco and soma to fall asleep. . .
wishful1, its sad. . .but i already put 2 pills in my purse for tomorrow. . .to start the day. . .  i just took 2 norcos and one soma so i can go to sleep. . .
2 days ago. . .i thought i was going to "quit' sooo, i finished up my "stash" . . .like 12 of them. . .what a retard. . .
dammit. . .it was such a hard day without them. . .my body ached. . .i was soooo sluggish. . .i was tired.  . . people kept asking me if i was sick. . .i couldnt stay awake. . .it was horrible

1303537 tn?1317800741
by wishful1, May 05, 2010
thats exactly how i feel. i am not going to work tomorrow so i can just lay around and try to taper off. i have 4 for tomrorow. and i will be writing on here all day so we can talk together and get through this horrible time we just need to get through this first week, my mom is going through it too, she has alot of pain and is out of her pills too so we have had to get them from people. we just need help and advice and encourrage, trying to cut back when u have to work is almost impossible. vegasgirl how old are u?

Avatar universal
by vegasgirl09, May 05, 2010
30. . .i had it all when i was 25. . .a great careerand a greathusband. . .hmmm i still have the career. . . but i lost my marriage. . .then the stupid pills started to take over. . .almost 3 years now . . .
thanks for understanding that cutting back when working is almost impossible. . .
im thinking of taking a whole week off work. . .so i can "clean up". . .but work is busy for another 3 months. . .
i really want to be rid of these pills. . .
what do u take?

Avatar universal
by anewstart2010, May 05, 2010
Hi Girls,
I am 31 this year and at the start of last week I recognised I had an addiction to Panadeine and Mersyndol (Im in Australia so the drugs have a different name over here.)  Several years ago I was sick and needed pain relief- hence the Panadeine.  We then had a double suicide in the family so I started taking Mersyndol at night to help me sleep.  Vegasgirl- I just rsearched what you have been taking and it seems that norco is equivilant to Panadeine and Soma is equivilant to Mersyndol.  Before I used Panadeine- I was taking Nurofen Plus but swapped to Panadeine because the Ibuprofen in the Nurofen was giving me gastro problems.  Panadeine has the same Codeine but is on a base of 500mg of Paracetamol (which too has its downfalls especially on Liver and Kidneys).  Anyway- I found that overtime, the Panadeine kept me calm through the day when I experienced stress or emotional situations.  I too am extremely career driven and people look at me and think "Wow you are so successful!"  Little did they know my secret.  I present so confidently but since our family tragedy I too struggle with depression and found such relief in feeling calm.  I think the tablets actually numbed the pain (almost like medication for a broken heart).  

To give you an indication I was taking 6-8 Panadeine throughout the day and then 2 Mersyndol at night.  Not huge quantities but enough- especially over a period of 8 years!

So last Monday I decided it was time to stop.  I did not go the Cold Turkey option because I need to continue to work.
I have found tapering has worked well for me.  Basically, what I did was  for the first 2 days- I only took 3 Panadeine- spread out over the day and 2 Mersyndol at night.  The next 2 days I took 2 Panadeine during the day (spread) and 1 Mersyndol at night.  Friday, Sat and Sunday I only took a Panadeine during the day if I needed it to take the edge ofr the headache.  On Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I have had no Panadeine at all and only 1 Mersyndol at Night.
I think if you try to tackle it all at once- it can be all too consuming and you are doomed to fail (especially if you need to keep functioning through the day).
The main withdrawal symptoms I have had is a headache (but not like a normal headache- it is a dull one but always there) and I have also had the runs big time- so you need to have a toilet handy (when I needed to go, I needed to go!)
Today I have noticed my stools have improved greatly.  Excercise is also great help.  Try and keep active where possible.  

If you have the option of taking a week or 2 off- then go cold turkey- but if you cant then work on it by gradually cutting your intake.  Yes- you will have withdrawal symptoms but I have found them much easier to manage.  I think too by sitting at home you can become consumed by it all which makes the symptoms worse.  On the weekend I tried to keep active doing things- which took my mind off the dull headache throb.

Yes- I am still taking 1 Mersyndol a night- but it is much better than 10 tablets a day.

The funny thing is that at times I feel like telling people:  "I've taken no Panadeine at all today!!!!"  but then I realise I cant tell them that because then my secret would be out of the bag!  But I must say I feel much more in control.  Today I didnt even think about taking a tablet!

So my encouragement is this- you can do it.  I can sense through your posts the terror and 'out of control feeling' that is overwhelming you right now.  Take that out of the equation.  Tell yourself- "Okay- I have to keep functioning BUT I can start tapering down so that when I am able to take some time off work the Cold Turkey Withdrawal wont be as severe.  

Hope my story helps a little.  You are not alone.  There are so many of us struggling with the same addiction.  I cant believe just how many!  I felt relieved to find others who too were experiencing my journey.

Now we can walk this road together.




Avatar universal
by wantitdone, May 05, 2010
Nice post - new start: I am on day 5 of 'cutting back" this has been pretty rough . I want to make it to 0 vicodin / day, that day is coming I am in a position where I care for so many people single mom, who cares for her disabled mom with NO HELP from anybody, rather than popping a tab I am looking for new outlets & this forum is soooo helpful...I want to c/t and I will sooon.. Ihate what this has done to my life ..I wany my life back, i feel like i have let me children down in so many ways,,,the past 5 days were hard... really crabby...had some moments of pure joy with my kids in between the w/d's and they seemed so much clearer..refreshing...now my mission is to stay focused, not to take more than i promised myslef, i have always had high morals, if i made a promise i would keep it to anybody...now it is time to make a promise to myself and i will keep it, afterall im the most important person...looking to God daily for the strenght, he is here with me, helping me to do the right thing...I have lived a lie for over 6 years,,,I hate the tabs!!..I took xanax 3 nights and past 2 nights just 1 pm tylenol..sleeep ing thru the night has proven to be hard...the thomas recipe is helping, and at yesterday addded magnesium.calcium & zinc...it helped with the rls ,,,legs are killing me...please all keep posting, lets keep promises we have made to oursleves and move forward out of this fog.... peace to all..keeping my promise!!! Good Luck

1303537 tn?1317800741
by wishful1, May 05, 2010
it is so nice to have this place....i felt like i was alone in this but clearly we alll need to lean on each other. vegasgirl im addiced to norcos too, paast 3 years....i take wayyy more than  u though it souns like. 2 wont even get me out of bed. i think im gonna go get that magnesium calcium and zinc? u really feel a diffrennce? my legs are just tingley and i feel like my heart is burning its so weird...i took the day off work today i think im gonna hve to quit. i dont wanna go through this right now, then get my r on the 20th and start this thing all over again ya kno? i jjust wanna be clean! its hard tho cuz my my takes them too, she will have to hide them or something, i get angry at her when i know she is high on them she also abuses them but not as bad as me, she needs them to an extent,,,well i took the day off i just took 4 pills, i guess thats better than my usual 5 1/2....i wanna do this....

Avatar universal
by anewstart2010, May 05, 2010
That's great wishful1 and wantitdone!!  One pill at a time.  Ive just got up.  Have the dull headache back but will push through the day.  Keeping busy has been best for me.  Staying home and doing nothing just accentuates the withdrawals for me.  It would be interesting to know how many people who have this addiction also have an A Type personality?  A type people are perfectionists, high achievers and also extremely hard on themselves.  We also like to be in control- which is rather ironic- as these pills are really controlling us.  
Whether you are tapering or going c/turkey- just take it a day at a time.
Wishful1- think about whether it is best to quit your job.  Are you able to take leave of absence for 1 or 2 weeks?

Avatar universal
by vegasgirl09, May 06, 2010
THANK YOU ALL FOR THE NOTES!!!
i make fun of all the my spacers and the face bookers and just like all of you say. . .I am sooooo glad I've stumbled upon this forum!!!!
New start---aussie guy. . .you're so right. . .i think there are many ppl who have an a type personality. . .i am one of them.
I've accomplished sooo much (in others eyes anyway). . .for a year my pills problem was "out in the open--within my closest friends", but i think i've just managed it better ( so embarassing) my friends really think that i'm clean. . .

wantitdone--i know what u mean. . .i think my body forgets how to fall asleep naturally. . .the nights that i have no norco/soma. . .i would have to take valium or tylenol pm. . .

i think that i really am going to just decrease my dosage. . .i am so tired of being control by these tabs. . .
how is it that i can conquer so many things and overcome any obstacles. . .yet. . .i continue to lose the battle against these pills. . .

i guess we all have to take it one day at a time. . .

deep down inside, i'm really worried how is the world going to be without pills. . .
like newstart said. . .and like a lot of ppl say on their postings. . .these pills are our medication for our broken heart.

i'm a pretty active individual. . .i run 3 miles everyday, religiously. . .

i'm VERY thankful that i have met you all. . .please keep posting

Avatar universal
by wantitdone, May 06, 2010
Staying Strong....I have had a very, i mean VERY stressful morning so far..I will not give in and just increase my dose.... I am committed to sticking with my plan, and as crazy as this am has been,,, I will not take any more..I am day 6 of decreasing from a major tab habit, the w/d's today are still here, not liking the am feeling , used to be such a habit by this time of day I would be at 7-9,  I am at 2 and will not  take anymore...I am so grateful for everyone sharing their stories , un real how much it helps, I am praying to God above to get me thru today.... I want this to be over...I want to be chemical free for the rest of my life....The enrgy / leg issue is still with me but at a tolerable level....when i think of all the money I ate I want to scream!! Please keep posting,, we all need to hear others stories to get this done with...

Avatar universal
by anewstart2010, May 06, 2010
Hi wantitdone.  Stick with it!  If you need to increase by one. Then do it.  This is better than going back to 7-9.
Also- try the strategy down the track where you dont take any- unless you think you need one.  You will be amazed how far through the day you will get before you need one.  On the day I tried this I ended up only having 2 tablets for the day- one at 1:30pm and the other late at night.

Im off to work now.  Let me know how you are going.  If you can- try and go for a walk- do some exercise.  Just try not to sit and dwell on it or sit 'thinking' about the withdrawals.  This only makes them worse.

Talk to you all again tonight.

Avatar universal
by katturk, May 15, 2011
hi im a mum of 2 daughters i have been addicted to codene on and off for about 8 yrs i first took them after i had my oldest i stopped for about 6 mths then started again when i had a break up with my partner then i stopped 3 yrs down the track i never got withdrawals at that time then after i had my youngest daughter the docters gave me panadene in hospital then i got addicted to it again then i couldnt get high on just panadene so i took nurofin plus that has (12.8 mg) of codene in it i was takeing 6 at a time about 40 tablets a day then i kept on running out of money and was thinking i cant do this to my kids and my husband anymore so i stopped i got so sick i couldnt handle it so i went to the dr and she weaned me off the codene then she put me on tremadol then i got addicted to that, i went dr shopping then i said stuff this i need to stop for good so i did then i got withdrawal pains again then my dr was going to ween me off the tremadol then i said nope im not takeing anything coz if i took something then i would know i wouldnt stop so my advice to people is if you want to stop go to the dr and get advice from them then just go through the withdrawal it only lasts 2 weeks then you are back to normal you do get craveings but you need to stay away from pharmacys and keep ur self busy.

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