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My Shoes

May 05, 2010 - 17 comments

My Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think
about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

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by k10road, May 05, 2010
I have a pair of those shoes too :-(

I am so grateful and blessed that at one time, I had another pair...and now, hopefully, I'm wearing those old shoes again.

I'm so sorry, Lori.

Sending so much love and so many prayers your way.

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by trying_x_3, May 05, 2010
Made me cry, I've had to walk in those shoes twice and I pray that for both of us we never have to grieve the loss of another child again.

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by nickieb85, May 05, 2010
I have also walked int these shoes. I felt as if I wanted to cut my feet off. I hope that you will be able to change your shoes soon enough. Hugs xoxoxoxo

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by 12121980, May 05, 2010
I m so sorry Lori.... I still cant beleive it....It made me cry...

I pray that u never ever have to walk in that shoes again...

I hope i can say something that will make u happy BUt i know there is nothing that will.

Hugs and prayers ur way...

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by Wannababy10, May 05, 2010
This made me cry :( I definitely walk in these shoes, and have been for 16 long months... I know the looks all to well... I know people feel bad for me and sometimes I let it get the best of me. But, I know one day, I will get another pair, and hoping and praying you will too!!!  (((((((HUGS))))))

Avatar universal
by bam1014, May 05, 2010
I'm so sorry hun.  I don't know what more I can possibly say :*(

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by k10road, May 05, 2010
Here's another that I have read....more than a result of having to wear those UGLY shoes!

The Pit

The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life, waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "she" is gone forever.

The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair, it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.

Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what's taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.

Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.

Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs. You know...the "better them, than me" attitude.

My post-grief friends (and a rare pre-grief friend) are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. The "person" who is emerging from the pit

Author Unknown

Lori, we are you post-grief friends.  We WILL climb WITH you out of the pit.  

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by northernsunshine, May 05, 2010
I'm so very sorry sweety....You are definitly a strong women.  Take care my dear and find i hope you find comfort in your friends/family's love.

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by smr08, May 05, 2010
Thank you so much everyone. I figured there would be so many of us that can relate to this. When I first read it it touched a nerve, i remembered when I lost Salvatore and I never thought in a million years that I would survive such a tragic event, well I guess wearing those ugly shoes did make me a stronger woman. Someday soon I just know that i'll be able to take off my ugly shoes and put them on my shelf and start a new journey with a new pair of shoes. Much love to all of you.xoxo

Bridgette, you need to say no words to me, just knowing that your there whenever I need you is enough words said.xoxo

Kristen, that was beautiful. It's so nice to know that I have such amazing friends.xoxo

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by anxiouslywaiting910, May 05, 2010
Tears are falling now..I am so sorry Lori!!!  Those shoes are the worst thing ever and to have to put them on more than once is just torture!!  

Kristen- That poem is my everyday life!!!!  I don't think I could have described that more perfectly.

Avatar universal
by babyhope8, May 05, 2010
Oh Lori is so hard to explain what I am feeling after reading this tears are just falling I have worn those shoes for years and it has been so very hard.....I am so sorry to hear of your loss sending lots of prayers your way

Kristen- that poem just says exactly what many of us feel and go through

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by adgal, May 06, 2010
Oh Lori, I wish so badly I could just make a new pair of shoes for you.  It's an ugly club we all belong to, one I so wish none of us belonged to.  I know there are no words, but please know I am thinking of you.

Avatar universal
by bernie40, May 06, 2010
Lori I'm so sorry :(  xoxoxo

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by melimeli, May 06, 2010
I often think to myself I should have a child that is 18 years old.. yes today that baby would have been 18 years old and every year I add one more to the years that child should have, the number of years I have not been able to hold that baby, the number of years I have missed out on.  Two years ago I lost another baby and I know that for the rest of my life I will think of these two children of mine that I didn't get to meet.  I know it doesn't go away because it has been 18 years and I still think of my first child that I never got to hold.  I never got to tell how much I loved.  I never got to feel....  I believe one day I will be with them and I will finally know all the 5 children that I always wanted to have... my three that walk beside me in my life and the 2 that watch me from above.  I miss my babies, I miss them so much

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by Ready_4_Baby_2, May 10, 2010
oooh I just love love love it poem. No one knows what you are going thur when you lose a child and this poem sums it up. Thanks! I might have to steal this :D

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by mikeysmom750, May 19, 2010
Beautiful....OMG...I just started to cry....Thank you so much for sharing....

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by LaPoo, Jun 21, 2010
Stumbled across this post. I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my baby at 16weeks on 6/11. The pain is sometimes  unbearable but God is bringing me and DH through. Wishing you the best and praying for you. Thank you for the poem. It helps

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