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Day 38 Cold Turkey Tramadol Withdrawal.

Jul 27, 2008 - 9 comments
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withdrawals

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withdrawal

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tramadol withdrawal

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tramadol

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cold turkey

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Bronchitis

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Headache

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opiate withdrawal



" Come to the edge of the cliff, He said. They Said, We are afraid. Come to the edge, He said. They Came. He pushed them, and they flew." -Guillaume Apollinaire



Hello Friends!

Love this quote.

It's fear that keeps you from the edge. Luckily there were people here who KNEW. They knew, They pushed me, and I fly .....

Today I'm almost done having bronchitis. HAHA! Stupid Pneumonia you won't get me! DENIED!

I noticed on Day 36, for about an hour, I had auditory symptoms return. Meaning I was sitting upstairs and I could hear thru the open window, some gardeners with leaf blowers and the sound reverb's, like I am suddenly in a techno club and someone has the music turned up way way way too loud. That kinda sound t hat makes you wanna hid under a very thick blanket in a bed, or slam your hands over your ears and eyes .... Weird! When the gardeners left, the auditory symptoms vanished. And they have not returned.

Today I noticed a faux migraine. It vanished in 30 minutes.

Yesterday during the 12 hour long seminar I did some enforced yoga. The instructor (I'm not even kidding) put a boom box on playing Michael Jackson sings LOUDLY and then led us thru what was supposed to be a stretching/yoga session. I've been practicing yoga for 5 years now, so I just did the correct poses, ignored everyone else. It's so sad that I for to bring my one fingerless glitter glove right!? Darn me! It was right there on the hall table, I just forgot to put it in my bag! LOL! Kidding of course.

I got some massage type work down yesterday also. I took B-12 with me and took my vitamins (which I now do not throw up YAY!) and I didn't eat enough. I don't think about food at all anymore.  Which is surreal. I also don't think abut water. So, I have to be careful and conscious. All my water is spiked with Emergen-C.

I had some annoying errands to do today and will have an annoying early morning errand on Monday (tomorrow) also. So, basically my weekend, which is usually Saturday afternoon thru Monday, return to work on Tuesday ... is gone. And it irritates me.

Not as much as the fact that I have no TeeVee! LOL! There's that one in the living room but obviously my husband isn't going to tolerate Legally Blonde or other Chick Flicks well. So we're looking at an action movie festival until I get a TeeVee. He says this one here will cost as much to fix as to buy a new one. So I asked him if I should throw it out in the trash!? ACK!

I'm wandering. Refocus .....

I eat a tons of fruit, I drink Carrot juice anytime I see a juice bar. Fresh carrot juice helps me a great deal. It's very cleansing and very grounding. I also agree that alot of protein is good.

Time heals this. It's just that, for me, Tramadol withdrawal made every minute seem incredibly long. !! days seemed like 11 years. It was due to the constant attack on my mind and on my body. That goes away. It takes time. As long as you don't take Tramadol again, it goes away.

I never wanna live thru Days 1-4 ever again.

My life is insanely busy. I could work all the time. I don't. But I could. This Tramadol threat helped me realize that my actual LIFE; being able to Breathe specifically after having Bronchitis, was at risk. So, taking the addiction DOWN ... was priority one.

I found the worst pain would occur if I would try to live past ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I simply could not handle trying to figure out HOW I was going to manage the financial ramifications. I also have employees who count on me and the bronchitis freaked them out, even though in reality it was three days. It is important to remember what is real and what is not real.

Tramadol does not help you function at a higher level. In fact, it makes you subtly stupid and slow. Unbalanced and eventually it convinces you it is "helping." But it doesn't help. I say this as a person who was on it 4-5 years and bought a bunch of books on suicidal ideation (WHICH Tramadol gave me) ... and now I have no Suicidal Ideation.

I have very little energy. Or ... let me ay it differently. My perception is that I have very little energy. However, I am not convinced that that is true. A few days ago, at Trader Joe's I was buying heavy heavy stuff and they asked if I wanted help out. Usually I would refuse. That day I said, "yea please."

As I reached the car, I turned around and the nice man who was helping me with the cart said, "Wow! You walk REALLY fast! you're strong and have alot of energy!"

I started to laugh cause that's NOT what my head is telling me. But it was obvious I had practically sprinted to the car!

Drug use should always make you question your perception.

I know Plamp is in Mexico, but I wanted to say, again. I don't have serious back pain AT ALL. I have hours of mild pain. At the moment I don't even have right leg pain.

That has not happened since pre-accident 2000. If you understood what a massive miracle that was ....

It's incredible really. But the Tramadol was poisoning me. I did EVERYTHING in my power to strengthen my back and make the Doctors wrong about the "You'll need surgery or you will be disabled."

I lost 60 pounds, became a size 4 Yogini. Freakishly strong. All the while wondering .. Hmmmm why isn't all the pain vanishing? Cause I was on Tramadol. Once I did a 100 day yoga challenge at the end of it I stopped take Tramadol. Why? Cause I had no back pain, I simply forgot! So withdrawal set in at about day 7 .... I thought I WAS DYING! unfortunately I didn't listen to my body and instead listened to a doctor who said, "Just take some Tramadol."

Pain and DEATH vanished. But ... it would have been nice if i had HAD those extra three years or four? ... So annoying.

Anyhow my point to Plamp is that often if you wait long enough the back pain and injury manages itself. There was just a year ago a study done in the LA Times that compared instant back surgery to Waiting .... ad after 5 years many pf the people who had back injury ... their pain was gone. The surgical patients had more surgeries.

Hey! Don't yell at me Man! The LA Times did the study, I'm just the messenger.

Do I feel "normal" at Day 39? No. I can tell there's a little poison left in there. I have NO CRAVINGS for Tramadol.

I feel as I felt before RIDICOUSLY happy! I was sure ... at times ... for moments when I was afraid ... (Before I learned to get angry and KILL the DRUG) .... I thought that the pain might not end. I remember reading about someone on Tramadol who went back on on Day 22. I was so sad. Because I remember that it was getting better, but the BAD hours were VERY bad and the voices of the drug .... demoralizing, demeaning, meant to send you back to the Tramadol bottle!!

Day 25 was a magic number for me. And many have told me Day 25 is magic. Every day it gets better. There's certain ... instincts i now have to avoid, like the taking of a pill when I have pain ... I take an OTT, or an ice pack. I breathe. I distract myself. A craving lasts 7 minutes. It is a fact!

You can do it.

I did it. I really really really wanted out. And i was extremely weak. I mean no memory. The taper did me alot of harm. They say that the taper makes the withdrawal easier. I am not sure if it does or not. Of course, i didn't taper slowly. I used the "let yourself run out of pills method."

I feel hopeful and I have no real reason to.

For 39 days now, everything ha taken second place to this. Which means, lots of stuff has to be cleaned up. BUT I AM NOT ON TRAMADOL and I don't NEED to be to clean it up. The important thing is; my back pain which I THOUGHT was CHRONIC is NOT. It is mainly GONE! It is at WORST; mild. Not Chronic Pain. Tramadol. *rolls eyes*

And I don't feel INSANE. The withdrawal id just an accentuation, or it was for me, of how insane I had become.

Joe, your perception of my "Support," is maybe ... a bit off. My husband and my Family knows. My workers do not and will not ever know. Because none of my Family or my Husband have taken and been dependant/addicted to Tramadol ... they are nice ... but do not understand at all. They are reading the whole 5-7 days lines ...

LOL.

I mean, I am glad i am NOT lying to MORE people than I already am ....

But it does suck to have to lie. I went back to work quickly. It was like working inside a tunnel with a freeway running thru it. I felt like a giant spider. And I am not kidding. It was very unnerving.

I hope you have found the Thomas Detox. They call it the Thomas Recipe and it is on the lower right hand side.

Drugs suck. All the opiates are like Tramadol, in certain respect. But Tramadol is also unique because of it's anti-depressant mix.  Never had anything kick my bu_T-T so hard and take my name like Tramadol did. Never. And it won't happen again.

I hope you are all well. Hour by hour.

Seeking better days, I hope your work was not too bad today. I used your honey trick (in some yogurt) to get my body moving today. It helped a GREAT deal!  

I find surrounding myself with positive uplifting books, music or people really helps.

I also walked along in Hollywood today and listened to my iPod and enjoyed all the people. I bought a new iPod ear bud wire system and had to instantly return it and I had to laugh when the older man asked me if he had seen me before. LOL. No. Then he kept  staring and asked me if I was on a TeeVee Show. LOL! I had to laugh. Nope. It's just that; I'm blonde, trim, I'm off the Tramadol so I radiate HAPPINESS like I did BEFORE the Tramadol and it's really nice!

Love and healing,
Emily

PS. Don't be afraid, get mad.  It's a WAR. Make no mistake. You are fighting a cleaver, deadly and cunning drug that wants you dead.

The people I found MOST useful during the Tramadol withdrawal were all the Ex-Vets. They have the perfect FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT .... Get MAD .... out think, out endure your enemy kinda attitude it takes! Love them!!

"I have not yet begun to fight."
   - Captain John Paul Jones (aboard the Bon Homme Richard)
Bon Homme fought the British ship, Serapis.
The Sarapis Captain asked if Capt. Jones wanted to surrender.
Jones yelled back, "I have not yet begun to fight!".


“By perseverance, study, and eternal desire, any man can become great.”
-General Patton

  
"Veni, vidi, vici."
(I came, I saw, I conquered)
- Julius Caesar, Roman emperor (100BC-44BC)



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Avatar universal
by seekingbetterdays, Jul 28, 2008
Good to hear from you EP.  Especially glad you "Beat the Bronchi".  It does have a nasty habit of turning into pneumonia when unchecked.  Congrats on blocking it!

I listen with great interest your telling of your energy level.  I'm finding this truly the most difficult of all w/d issues to manage as life must go on and it takes a daily energy budget.  You are ahead of me with your progress.  I have found your accounts ringing true so far, so expect they to be a helpful foreshadowing of my challenges.

How are you managing life day after day with the "low battery" light flashing!!!

As I pass Day 15 I have an even deeper appreciation for you at Day 38.  Way to endure a LONG SEIGE!  You must be made of steel with a titanium resolve.

Raw unprocessed honey and fresh lemon definitely has a noticable short term energy boost effect for short tasks.  The B-12 is great too.  The sublinguial are truly much better than the B-12 tablets.  I had to order the sublinguial on the internet as none found local, but worth it.  

My new mantra:  "Music is magic!".  I don't know why, but like you I have found ipod and earphones have a huge positive impact.  Strange thing is that music had no place in my life for four years, and I am receiving a lot of comments from colleagues and friends who have noticed my new "lifestyle".   No one knows why but me.

Had a great day yesterday.  I enjoyed it, but paying for it today.  Fog rolled back into head and feet again like moving through mud.  Not nearly as bad as in the past, but still a factor in my life.  My energy builds up but then seems to easily deplete as more difficult problems are attempted.  

Yes, it is war.  It's about indurance.  Like you, Cold Turkey Day 1-5 is vivid in my recent memory.  Using the war analogy, it is like being "shelled".  The sky reels and the earth trembles.  There is no place to hide and one place is just as miserable as another.  Duck, cover, survive, and think of nothing but the promise of better days.

I agree with you that pain is a good teacher.  I will never go back.  

My sincere sypathy and understanding goes out to any reading this and just starting Tramadol cold turkey or any other detox.  FIGHT FIGHT and don't forget to FIGHT.  You have to go to WAR to win.  It is soooo TOTALLY WORTH IT!

Wishing you continued peace and recovery.  You're the best EP!

544292 tn?1268882668
by EmilyPost, Jul 28, 2008
Seeking Better Days;

I keep forgetting to tell you that I love the name you chose here. The name people choose is always telling. A positive name (I hope) usually means they have a fighting chance! And you are on Day 15! Good work! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Yes, I beat the Bronchi. It's an old friend/enemy. We know one another well. I get it, I STOP. I know if I don't I could actually die. Funny, I have had it three times while on TRAMADOL and each time it went into pneumonia except this time. I was ready for it  this time.

"There's a battery light on this thing," she asked, "And it's flashing low?"

LOL! Yeah. Um. The low battery, requires at this point intense redirection of thoughts. Sort of like Acute Stress Exhaustion. What do you do with that? You remove yourself immediately from the situation ...

http://members.farmline.com/stress/management/emergency.htm

I would call Tramadol Withdrawal a Crisis Emergency .... That's for your acute withdrawal symptoms. I had to make alot of copies of stuff I googled off of "Home Withdrawal from Opiates." I would literally forget what I was supposed to do!

You can ignore the tony Robbins ad at the bottom or you can lean into the fact that plenty of AA members say Tony Robbins "stole" the 12 step program ... and rewrote it ....

I have actually had an amazing amount of yoga training Seeking Better Days.

I once did 60 consecutive days if Bikrams Yoga. Yes. Consecutives. You see, in his book,Bikram makes this grand declaration. We'll pretend to ignore the fact that if it acts like a narcissist and quacks like a narcissist ... it might be a ....

Well anyhow, he makes this statement in his book that 60 days consecutive would change you forever and "cure you." Ok so imagine that I have all the weight gone, and have been practicing for some time. Bikrams is a series of poses that are done in a heated room. It's 105 in there. The practice is 90 minutes long. As you advance, it gets harder. In the beginning when you don't know what you are doing, it is less challenging. That's interesting to say the least. When I was a beginner I was in the same classes as the advanced students. They did the same poses, but because they had more experience and better training they had the details that took me YEARS to learn. So they would literally POUR sweat. I mean ... like someone turned on a faucet.

To even stand being in a room with a bunch of sweaty people, will only make most people want to escape. However, the rush of endorphins got me the FIRST time I went. The high was insane. Keep in mind that by this time I was on Tramadol. And it wasn't helping the back pain. What helped? Being in class helped. So I strengthened myself so much that, it was to me, unbelievable that I still had pain.

Doctors told me I needed more Tramadol and should give up before I ruined myself and get the surgery.

I say this with NO BACK PAIN on day 39 off the Tramadol.

SO this yoga. Taught me. To relax. To breathe. And to do insanely hard poses, while being relaxed. There was a teacher who taught me the proper way to breathe when you start to flip out because the pose is perceived BY THE BRAIN (suspect the brain ... it does and can LIE) ... to be too hard. The pose wasn't too hard. My brain was yelling too hard too hard and that was happening because my heart rate was spiking. She taught me the yogic breathe in to the count of 5, breathe out to the count of 10, repeat. Now the thing that happens is physiological. Your heart rate drops. Causing a forced relaxation. Your brain calms down. You don't fall out of the pose. You see the strength you have. Your brain is not allowed to freakout .... as it is apt to do in a room that is 105, with you shaping yourself like a pretzel! You also make strength gains that way.

Breathe. When it gets horribly bad, breathe.

So that is YOGA SPEAK for ... what you are calling "BEING SHELLED!" LOL! And I agree that so works for those early days ... you ust can't even imagine that you won't die! Cause there's pain everywhere, you are sweaty and freezing, you sweat, and then your dehydrate. Your brain attacks you. Your joints attack, you walk thru mud. It is that INTENSE because it wants you back on the pills ASAP. Tramadol is the worst Withdrawal I have ever endured. Morphine? Not even close. I think for me, my chemistry is very poisoned by this faux-opiate/ antidepressant Cocktail of Evil.

Yeah, Tramadol is attacking. just now I had a brief moment of intestinal NAUSEA. Hello intestines! i haven't felt those opiate receptors for DAYS! And then I had a brief ... Um ... Brain CLOUD! LOL! Which is in that Tom Hanks Movie ... Joe Versus the Volcano. He is told he has not long to live because he has a BRAIN CLOUD ... LOL . A non existent condition ... I had a brain cloud.  It lasted about 20 minutes.

You write, "I agree with you that pain is a good teacher.  I will never go back."

Many spiritual teachers believe that Pain is the Greatest Teacher. I don't know that I agree 100%. But Pain is a teacher of a certain kind. What is best is Compassion, Empathy, Love, Validation and Discipline with a side order of pain. At least, that is MY best teacher.

So, I have alot of empathy for people who have to come off pills. Regardless of their reason or the substance, I have empathy.

You write, "As I pass Day 15 I have an even deeper appreciation for you at Day 38.  Way to endure a LONG SEIGE!  You must be made of steel with a titanium resolve."

LOL! HA! You'll see how much better each day gets now! Day 20 is a nice turn and day 25, is magic. It is a long siege. That's why you conserve energy. You breathe, you wait for the moments you need to use that energy and you do nothing else.

One more yoga comparison. In Bikrams. You are surrounded by Mirrors, floor to ceiling on three sides. You stare into your OWN eyes during the practice. 90 minutes ideally of staring and meditating into your own eyes. It's ALOT harder than you think. And it is also YOU FACING YOU. Over and over. No one else exists. You don't focus on anyone but yourself. You hear the teacher (they talk thru the entire class) but you do not allow yourself to be influenced by them. In several athletic venues they talk about, "Staying on your own mat." Meaning you don't compare, you don't watch anyone else. And between poses, you, if you are advanced, you don't even need the water. It's there if you do need it. But some classes where you are in deepest meditation, the water is unnecessary. In between these poses, you stand hands to sides, heart chakra open, staring into your own eyes. You do not WASTE any energy doing stuff like fidgeting or moving around. Not even your eyes move. You are conserving energy for the next burst of energy.

That is how I manage the Low Energy Light on My Battery.

I am very very soft in my thoughts about myself. As soft on myself as I am on others. I am kind to myself. Not hard. But you are right in one point. At the center of me (and probably everyone who gets sober or who has "strength") is a tiny piece of core steel. That has been there since I was born. I was born that way. I am, exteriorly, very soft. But it balances on the core of steel.

Sometimes in life, we get LOST. Like on Tramadol, I was lost. The day I FELT my heart again ... was an amazing day. I cried. I couldn't believe how many YEARS it had been. It was as if I had a dead heart, but was still walking around. Tramadol did that to me. Made me unmerciful in my heart. Made me think terrible things in my Brain. Made me dark, slow, stupid and made me into the darkest version of myself that could exist. You wanna know the dark side? I know the dark side and I would BET money you know it too! I can tell from the way you write you know.

Evil exists. And yes, It was Mark Twain who said the cleverest thing the devil ever did was make the world think he doesn't exist. But these pills? Dark. Disturbing. Increases pain. You tell the Doctors, I have increased pain and they say, "Take more Tramadol."

Something is wrong with the system.

Too many people living in the US are now having to do desperate things like detox off of opiates at home because they have no insurance. They have no money left. Their health is crashing. It's a huge mess. Wandering off again.

What I mean is THANK YOU! Thank you for saying, "You must be made of steel with a titanium resolve."

Steel is molecularly flexible yet strong. It bends, without shattering. Which is the best type of strength, Add flexibility, balance and strength and you have yoga, The word in this context would mean Union with the Divine. If anyone ever needed Divine intervention; It's people coming off pills!

And I seem to have a core that is some kind of titanium. You could call it Resolve. I am breakable. But I also repair. Mainly I allow myself the God Given Right all of us have to completely fall apart, realize, "Dude! I am ON the wrong path!"

"Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave." - From the movie Blade runner ...

I don't want to live in Fear as a Tramadol Slave. I am no one's slave.

You are no one's slave. If a pill, is making you its slave, you'll know it. And you'll stop. And yeah, it will su_ck. But not as badly as being ON it ever ever ever ever did!

Love and healing,
Emily

PS. Every single day gets better.

Another Blade Runner Quote, "You would not believe the things I have seen with your eyes."

571499 tn?1300217376
by dammitol, Jul 28, 2008
Ben Franklin said, "Never trust the young doctor or the old barber." That tidbit has served me well over the years.

544292 tn?1268882668
by EmilyPost, Jul 28, 2008
LOL dammitol! :)

Avatar universal
by plamp, Jul 29, 2008
Yes Its been awhile for me because I am in mexico and internet connection is limited down here haha. Im at an internet cafe ill be here till saturday but anyways im glad to hear everyone is feeling better and the cravings are almost gone! YAY!

LA times is right,most back pain does actually manage itself over time.People get discouraged because it does take awhile but it will get better, IM trying to find that article haha its good reading sounds like.

This is day 15 for me since I stopped and im almost 100% its still a little weird sometimes. Like the airport was very bad yesterday ( anxiety) but familiar places I feel normal and this hotel im at is very soothingso that's good=].

My birthday was 2 days ago 19 now yay! =]. Brought me out of a bad mood so thats good I guess.

Keep at it guys sounds like everyone's doing well!=p
            
                                                       Always,

                                                          Paul


544292 tn?1268882668
by EmilyPost, Jul 29, 2008
Hi Plamp!

I've been in an internet cafe in Mexico! Brings back pleasant memories as yes, alot the resorts are so pleasant! I hope you get to swim with dolphons or something amazing like that!

HAPPY late BIRTHDAY!!

Yes, the anxiety is painful and annoying. I find it comes and goes and I just force myself thru it. I drink more water, that helps for some freak reason.

It's Day 40 now for me! 40 days and 40 night which I swear feels like 400 days and nights. Tramadol withdrawal does something insane to the sense of time and I have no idea HOW it does that. But it does. It slows down time to a crawl. Like having a panic attack while on bad pot.  Or people who don't tolerate pot, they talk alot about the sensation of time slowing down and an anxiety attack in slow motion!

We'll make it. Keep breathing. Take the viatmins and aminos .. drink the water (bottled for Plamp!!)

Love and healing,
Emily

Avatar universal
by seekingbetterdays, Jul 29, 2008
Hello EP.  You still there and OK after the 5.8 shake today?

Avatar universal
by SURVIVOR55, Sep 25, 2008
Emily,
I'm so glad to hear someone who detoxed off Ultram(Tramadol). I was given this drug years ago when it was not even generic as a "non-narcotic" pain reliever.  Before long I was hooked. I went and checked in a Rehab Hospital and they had no clue what the drug was or how to help me!!!
I left needless to say, and just took more, couldn't stop long enough to get sick I thought.  Well in the end I became addicted to Xanax, all Opiate pills, Klonopin (like Xanax), still the Ultram and I was taking so many when I went to get help they said I should've been dead.  My husband would hear me breathing at night with that oh so common saying we here people say, just before a friend dies, like Anna Nicole, or Heath Ledger, they had this weird breathing.
I'm o.k. now, and I'm sorry someone didn't realize long ago that tramadol passes through the opiate receptors in your brain and is a NARCOTIC OPIATE AND DETOX OFF OF IT HURTS. BUT I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE DOING IT, CONGRATS!!!
ANGELA


544292 tn?1268882668
by EmilyPost, Sep 25, 2008
Dear Angela;

I'm so sorry to hear of your story, which sounds familar. Yeah, non narcotic opiate ... to this day I still have Doctors tell me that it is safe as apple pie and a glass o milk. It's sickening really.

Thank for the congrats. I am lucky I don't and didn't crave this drug once I knew it was killing me.

I hope you are well!

Love and healing,
Emily

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