Jul 29, 2008
I have decided that I am going to move out so I can get on with my life. I have 2 condos I'm going to look at tomorrow. When my state of mind is directly related to my bad home life there is no way I can stay. I'm so tired and unmotivated right now that I need to find the energy to start packing my stuff and get the hell out of this palce. My husband doesn't understand my disease and really doesn't care. I've given him 12 years of my life that I have now lost and I want to get my life back, happy & healthy. I know someday I'll meet someone nice who does understand and won't say mean and nasty things about my disease.
I think it will be better for my son, I can tell he is suffering and unhappy. No kid should have to be that way. He's very sensitive like I am and we both can't stand the screaming and yelling that takes place in this house. Everytime my husband sreams and yells it cuts right to my core and makes me feel sick to my stomach. I can't sleep, can't eat, and can't focus on anything!
I made a huge mistake moving back in with him, I should have stayed away and never come back. Now I have to pay $1200 in rent, have no job and little savings. I can't find a god damn job and have sent out 100's of resumes.
When the hell is it going to fall into place for me? When am I going to be able to sleep nad feel better again?
I can't take anymore or I'm going to fall apart!!