Jul 30, 2008
Are you kidding me? On Day 40? Not a normal rolling ... but a heavy jolt. I was at work; meaning brick building. So, hopefully that means it won't collapse. But I got tossed backwards in my chair by the first and only strong jolt which came out of nowhere. Which sorta whipped my neck.
So, no sleep happening here. It's now 1:16 am so technically I am into Day 41. Which technically should be better. Adrenaline might be exhausting the adrenals? It's the only thing I can think of as far as why does Tramadol seems so ... patternless. It'll be DAYS of good and then Massive head trip. Today felt like the bottom just dropped out from under me. The stress was too high today. Car alarms go off all at once when a quake hits. Then sirens, police and ambulances. Noise! ACK!
Today was hard. I felt better when I was talking to people and much much worse when doing paperwork and working with numbers. Much better when engaged in conversation.
Tonight the brain pain aka "feels like someone is doing brain surgery on me," was back. It has been here since I got home at around 8pm, and nothing I am doing is touching it. I worked 11 straight hours today.
I was worried about my cat friends and sure enough when I got home, they were wide eyed, pupils dilated and jumpy. Super nervous, super charged. Wide as saucer pupils. I looked at them very sympathetically. Yep. I know how that is.
I haven't had a day like this one in awhile. My head sounds like the soundtrack from the movie Underworld. I don't mean that in a good way. I mean it in a creepy dark, disturbing way. Drug voices are back in full force.
When I woke up this morning to go to work, I thought about how absolutely horrible I felt. It lasted for 15 minutes, (A LONG 15 minutes; a Tramadol extended 15 minutes ... 15 minutes of horror!)
It vanished when I moved and I was pretty alert. It's so odd. I think it's the nature of this beastie. It's a faux-opiate, mixed with a antidepressant, so crazy unpredictable.
Things I did yesterday? I forgot to take some of my vitamins?
I went back to work on a long day after not having a "real weekend." Anxiety is being thrown in because I beat bronchitis sort of. I still am in the habit of breathing in a shallow way. It's a habit you get into when you have bronchitis. So, not enough oxygen. Jumping back into it ... with an earthquake thrown in?
Yeah. No. Tomorrow will be better. The drug voices relentlessly SHELLED ME today. It was constant unless I was engaged in conversation.
Tomorrow I'll be back upright. Still 80% good. The mind tricks BUG me out though!
Love and healing,