Mar 30, 2016
I can't help it. I just am. Every time I think about this biopsy coming up I just cry. I cry for some many reasons.
I cry because I love Brian so much. I know he chose to do this on his own and I know his reason is for me. He wants to go through this because I want it. No doubt we both do but I feel like it's my fault he's going through with it. I cry because what if he goes through this and it's for nothing? What if they don't find anything??? Then he'll feel even worse about things. I worry that he feels this is his fault and it's not like that at all and if they don't find anything he'll feel even worse.
I cry because this is going to cost us another $3500 at least. You think "Finally, I have about $15,000 to go through with this. Then his SA showed zero sperm again and the only thing we can do to "find any" and our last resort is this biopsy. SO add another $3500 worth of stress and worry.
I cry because I'm stressed. I have these 3 pups that were in my brothers garage fire. The ones I saved. Thank God they're all okay. They have scars but they're okay. Happy, healthy 65lbs lab puppies. The problem is they're all males and wanting to fight. They're wanting to claim dominance and it's really stressing me out. The vet mentioned having them neutered but they'll all have to be fixed at the same time to prevent fighting when they get home. I can't afford to fix 3 dogs at once!!! :Plus the vet said even that might not fix the problem. Ugh!!! Most days they're fine..they don't fight but there's 2 out of the 3 that's not best friends either. The 3rd one isnt' a big deal, he gets along with the others but the other 2 ugh. I call them crazy. One day they're all great, the next day it's "I'm going to eat your face off". ugh!!!
I cry because I now have 2 babies in my family. My sweet amazing little nephew is going on 2 months old. He's starting to coo just a little but it melts my heart and I put his little video on repeat. Is it wrong that when I'm holding him I don't want to let him go? I wished he were mine. He's precious. Then I have a new baby cousin that's about a week old. Born to 2 people who drink and party. The daddy doesn't hold a steady job and he does drugs. Yes, he's my cousin, but still. I just can't make sense out of this.
I cry because I received Aunt Flo about 3 days ago and I'm a hormonal wreck!!!!