All Journal Entries Journals

Need a Break!  

May 18, 2010 - 20 comments

Man...  so-  Colt has his 5th ear infection this year-  second time it burst-  we've already had him to an ENT who wants to remove his tonsils and adnoids-  now they will probably put tubes in too-  we'll probably schedule that for the beginning of the summer...  Taylor has some weird nose infection,  so I have to take her to the doc this morning...  I have this huge deadline at work, and a freaking cake order for thursday too...  Tommy doesn't feel he needs to help with ANYTHING having to do with getting the kids where they need to be or their health...  he does sometimes give them a bath when I ask him to!  I am getting brunt out.  I LOVE my kids dearly-  but I need a break from life!

Comments
Post a Comment
145992 tn?1341348674
by mami1323, May 18, 2010
I feel you girl.  It's not easy doing everything.  There are times when I picture myself up and leaving for a week or so by myself.  I scheduled a girls night out this past Saturday and it felt soooo good.  Sometimes we need those breaks and it has nothing to do with you not loving your kids.  We are human and sometimes we have a tough time being a wife, mother, worker, we just want to be us.  I hope everything goes smoothly with your son and I'm sorry he has so many things going on at one time.  As for your husband, I would do what you say, leave him with the kids and take off.  Let him handle the responsibility for a day.

784382 tn?1376934640
by turkee23, May 18, 2010
im sorry tator.... im sure your overwhelmed.... just tell your hubby you need his help!... put your foot down!...... im sorry your stressed just take a few deep breathes and you will be ok....hugggggs!!

i agree with mami....leave the kids with him and make him take casre of your 2 sick lil ones!.....

184342 tn?1282592350
by tatorbug40, May 18, 2010
we almost split up 2 months ago-  he knows I am feeling this way...  I tried to do a girls night out last weekend, but my girlfriends husband decided to go fishing instead and her babysitter cancelled...  so our night out got cancelled....  but I might just get a hotel room for a night and spend the entire night by myself soon...  I work for a hotel company...  I can do that very easily!  

419158 tn?1316575204
by blueeyedtabbycat, May 18, 2010
Im sorry girl. I feel your pain, really, I do. My DH doesnt do anything for or with the kids. He took them to school for me this morning and that shocked me half to death!! He refuses to change Taylor's diaper becuase she is a girl. Thats a long story but yep so I do everything. I say im a single mom with a spouse, lol. I have to bring Dalton in to the doctor for a fever and what I think is ANOTHER ear infection. I do all the shopping, and pay the bills, do the yard work (whatever the lawn guy doesnt get to), doctors appointments, bathing, cooking, laundry, all the house work, taking care of the cat and our dog. EVERYTHING. DH goes to work and thats it. I know he has a hard job but at least when work is over his job ends, mine never does. Dont get me wronge he will help out just keeping an eye on the kids for me so I can make a mad dash to the store for something I forgot for dinner. Sundays are family day so at least he hangs out with all of us then and does spend some quality time with us.
Sorry, I have turned your journal into my vent:~( I just cant wait untill my Hunter is in full day school next year and I can get more stuff done during the day.
Hope Colt and Taylor feel better soon and you can get some much needed rest!!

419158 tn?1316575204
by blueeyedtabbycat, May 18, 2010
That sounds like fun!!! Can I join you too??? Heaven!!! I would turn of the cell phone too~

184342 tn?1282592350
by tatorbug40, May 18, 2010
last night DH gave them a shower while I ran out to pick up dinner... when I got back Taylor was dressing Colten-  she even put the diaper on him-  and did it right too...  it was the cutiest thing I've ever seen.  Perhaps I'll teach her to drive this weekend...  5 is almost legal-  right?!

sometimes I think it would be easier if I were a single mom without a spouse-  at least he'd have to do one night a week on his own then-  right?!

I have a girlfriend who left her husband about a year and a half ago-  she moved out (they have two little kids) and they split custody for about a year-  they just recently got back together and she told me that she thought it would be easier on her own,  but it wasn't...  that comment might be the only thing keeping me where I am right now.  And DH doesn't even like this girl-  he probably would if he knew she was the only reason I was still there.

184342 tn?1282592350
by tatorbug40, May 18, 2010
I was telling have2kids the other day that I needed to be alone for 24 hours...  she got really confused and I had to get the dictionary out to figure out what alone was...  neither of us have experienced that in a long time!!!!!  :)

145992 tn?1341348674
by mami1323, May 18, 2010
I don't know which is easier, sharing custody or visitation so at least you do get a few nights without the kids or having them there.  I have to say, there are moments when Richie takes a back seat but for the most part he's really stepped up the parenting.  It makes such a difference.  He does the bath time thing and cooks Jay breakfast and even takes him in the mornings to let me sleep in.  I appreciate it so much because for a long time it was just me doing everything and I was really run down and bitter.  I hope it gets better and I think you should try leaving for one night.  Let him see how hard it is and make him realize that you need help.

377493 tn?1356505749
by adgal, May 18, 2010
I have to agree, just tell him you are going away for a night.  I'll tell you what I did....on Sat. I was just super tired.  I love my husband dearly, but he just has no idea what is fully involved in taking care of the baby, I do all the housework, cook most of the meals again, etc.  He seems to think I sit around and "relax" all day.  So on Sat. I just went to bed at 9pm (I didn't ask him, I told him I was going). Told him he was in charge for the night.  Now, keep in mind, Ryder is only getting up maybe once now in the night for a feeding, so this is not too bad.  Warren made it to 3:30am, woke me up and said "something is wrong".  I of course jumped out of bed to see my child screaming.  I popped the soother in his mouth, rocked him for 2 or 3 mintues and he was fast asleep again.  I went back to bed and took Ryder with me.  The next morning brought a new found appreciation from my husband.  He didn't even make it through one night!  For the last 2 or 3 days he has been helping out a whole lot more.  That's all it really took for him to get it.  

719902 tn?1334168783
by jenkaye21, May 18, 2010
Oh, tator, you struck a nerve with me, too.  So many of us can identify!  I have sometimes found myself jealous of my friends who are divorced, because they get every other weekend to themselves!  Isn' that awful?!?  I would never truly want that, but some help and some time alone once in a while would be nice.
My DH has started doing a lot more, though, and I really did just have to ask.  Repeatedly. Sometimes men can be so clueless.  I would be running around like a crazy person doing everything while he sat back and watched TV and it was like he didn't even notice.  Then, when I would start to get angry, he would be like "What did I do?"  NOTHING!! THAT"S THE POINT!!
Now, I'll say, "Can you bath Eli? Oh, and his clothes are on top his dresser when he gets out.  And then, Jesse needs helps with his homework. Can you get the clothes out of the dryer when you get a chance?...."  And so on.  Of course, I'm busy doing other things at the same time.  It's sad, but he would never think to help on his own.  
Once in a while (usually when it rains and he can't work) he'll do dishes, and he expects me to be SO grateful.  OMG!  I do dishes 2-3 times EVERY DAY!!  Get over yourself!
Also, I used to ask my mom to babysit every time a needed a sitter;  usually to do something school-related, like a field trip or working the concession stand at the ballpark.  Never for "me" time.  But four kids is a LOT for my mom to handle on her own.  I've starting telling DH, "I need you to pick up the boys from daycare, the kids from school, and keep them tll I get home from __________."  I don't ask.  He has had them all two evenings this past month and no one died or was even injured. ; )
I STILL do 90%, but it's better than 99%.  We're getting there...  Good luck to you, it sounds like your DH definitely needs to "step up"!

184342 tn?1282592350
by tatorbug40, May 18, 2010
At least I know I'm not alone-  sadly it makes me feel much better knowing that they rest of you are just as burnt out as me!  :)  I work in a field of men-  all of them are JUST LIKE OUR HUSBANDS!!!!  our owner is 78-  last year one morning I got here at 7:20ish, to make them all breakfast,  just because I felt like being nice,  and I like to cook for them...  SO,  I come into the kitchen and the guys are sitting there reading the paper, talking in the kitchen,  and Bob says to me "man,  your here early this morning,  tommy kick you out of bed?"  I looked at him and said,  "NO,  I've been up since 5-  I did a load of laundry, ran the dishwasher,  made coffee,  made my kids breakfast, took a shower, got myself and my two kids dressed, drove them to two different places, dropped them off, ran to the store, and came in here to make you breakfast and that is my morning EVERY MORNING"...  they all just sat there with their mouths open and finally he said,  "man,  you've already put in a full day"...  NO ****....  you men have no idea what your wives have done for you over the years!!!  I wanted to throw the skillet at him!  I haven't made them breakfast since that morning!  :)  they don't understand why I can't just sit around a ******** all the time-  because I can't be here at 7 and leave at 8 every day like they do because their wives are taking care of kids and the house...  I have to work while I'm here...  it drives me crazy!  So it is good to come on here and at least remember I am not the only unappriciated woman out there!  :)  I love you guys!

229760 tn?1291471470
by rdh1981, May 18, 2010
I am sorry you have a full plate! That is why I wish we all lived close and could help each other out! Just do what you can and leave the rest to just sit there until you are ready to tackle it!

Remember you cannot change a man, so scratch that one of your list of things to do! I truly hope you get some much needed help! Sorry about the sick kiddos, that is never a good thing!

Feel free to vent away, we all got your back here!  

184342 tn?1282592350
by tatorbug40, May 18, 2010
Thanks!  So,  DH texted me today-  he went to the doctor too today and has strep throat...  i am totally just checking myself into a hotel tonight-  they can all be miserable without me...  

actually...  despite the fact that the kids are sick,  they haven't been acting sick...  so at least they are just their normal active selves!  perhaps I'll just check DH into the hotel!  :)

134578 tn?1578161083
by AnnieBrooke, May 18, 2010
My least favorite is when I am sick and my son is not.  Once I locked myself in his play area with him and a blanket, and I laid on the floor sick as a dog while he played and clunked me with cars, etc.

Regarding husbands and not being involved with our children ... I get so mad at my husband for this.  But I guess if he weren't there, we would go from -- oh, let's give it a score.  Let's say I add "100" to the life of taking care of my son.  (On the same scale if my mom was here all the time, she'd add maybe 95.)  On that scale, my husband adds probably 15.  (It would vary from 0 a lot of the time to maybe 75 some specific times.)  It would be nice if two parents would guarantee 200, but let's face it, my husband is an obtuse block of wood.  So my son, from two adults in his life, gets 115.  It's better than 100, which is what it would be if I was a single mom.  I KNOW my husband would say, "So what, you only add 15 to my work life."  But that just shows that he thinks his work is his main duty, and our son is my main duty.  F that, I say.  I really should go back to work, frankly.  Haven't been willing to, yet, but let our son get into school, and just watch me.  I'd even take a counter shift at a convenience store just to let my husband see that taking care of our child is both of our jobs.

Anyway, tator, the main thing is, 115 is better than 100.  Sometimes even 15 can make a big difference when it comes at the right time.  And I know that if I didn't expect 100 from him, I wouldn't get so mad when it's only 15.  Being mad at reality is just a waste of time, I need either to adjust and acknowledge that he's not Mister Ideal Daddy or if I can't stand it, I need to make changes.  Being mad only raises my son in an angry atmosphere, which I think is terrible for a kid.


167 tn?1374177417
by jenstam, May 19, 2010
Oh, tator, I rarely ever get on here anymore but came to check up on my peeps. I think the hotel idea is a great one, once your family is well again. I really do. Take a bottle of wine, a good book, some toenail polish, and a few movies and hole up. Don't answer your phone, don't even tell anyone where you're at!
And for the record, I think all husbands are the same, give or take a few things here and there! As bad as that may be!

184342 tn?1282592350
by tatorbug40, May 19, 2010
Annie...  i am giving thought to your scoring method...  what about the times they add negitive points...  last night he was totally at a negative 50.  at least.  

I'm just tired.  you know...  but I know it will be better once school is out and I get a little break from driving all over the world!  

134578 tn?1578161083
by AnnieBrooke, May 19, 2010
Tator, in my husband's case, about once a week he takes care of our son for a time period that lets me have, say, an hour or two, without me having to be watching to be sure our son is really getting taken care of.  I can just turn away and not have to be awake to sounds or have concerns that Daddy has ignored our son while mowing the grass or washing the car and our son has wandered away.  The fact that he does occasionally pitch in like that is what makes it a net positive number, even if it is only 115.  But if he didn't do that, it would be like, "hey, man, why do I even wash your damn jeans?"  If the overall effect was a minus number, out he would be, or out my son and I would be.  It would (some days) be more refreshing to know I couldn't count on him, versus believing he will really be home as he said at 4 pm and take our son off my hands, and then he doesn't show up until 7 and has an hour's worth of work he has to do right then on his computer, so my son is still on my hands even though he is home.  (That one has happened so often that whenever he tells me he'll be home at x time to take our son to y, I have stopped believing him.)  Good luck on your figuring.  If your husband is a net negative, no woman on earth would blame you if you decided life was simpler without him.  Who needs an extra drag on your energy?  Kids are hard enough.

184342 tn?1282592350
by tatorbug40, May 20, 2010
Annie-  Dh is not all that bad...  he is getting better about helping-  its just that I do the majority of it all, and he doesn't even seem to recoginize that.  

My bosses wife was just in here-  she is probably in her late 60's and she raised 3 boys, and divorced her frist husband after 22 years-  years ago---  anyway... she told me to make a list of everything I do, and everything he does, and sit down with him and tell him "look,  I'm over extended and getting burnt out"...  "here is a list and it would really help if you'd take just one item off my side and start doing it, and in 3 months or so we are going to relook at it and you can take one more item... etc etc..."  She told me to tell him that I want to grow old with him but right now it is just hard to feel that way....  

I just am so tired of doing it all,  and I feel like I tell him how I'm feeling,  but maybe I'm not clear enough...  I love him...  but beyond doing everything, other then on the weekends he watches the kids so I can go to the store by my self...  oh blistful rest- grocery shopping!...  but I feel like he just doesn't want me...  he doesn't do a good job at showing me love, or being intimate, or wanting to even touch me or kiss me....  let alone have sex with me...  and I know he does want me because 3 months ago I told him I was going to leave him, and he had a breakdown and begged me not to...  and it changed for about 4 weeks...  and now it is just slowly going back to how it was before...  and with all of that, I feel like I am unhappy at home, and always frustrated and yelling...  and I don't want to be that way...  I want to enjoy my time at home,  I want to be enjoyable to be around...  it seems to all be cyclical (sp??!)  anyway...  enough ranting and venting...  next week is a new week...  and in 3 weeks I have a vacation planned...  just DH and I...  maybe that will help change things...

thanks girls!

145992 tn?1341348674
by mami1323, May 20, 2010
I think I had once mentioned to you before about trying to be affectionate and loving first and see if he reciprocates. Did you try that idea? Sometimes it rubs off on them. I think the vacation will be good for you both. At least it gives you something to look forward to and maybe put you in a better mood.

184342 tn?1282592350
by tatorbug40, May 20, 2010
mami...  we flat out had a long conversation about the affection, EVERYTHING...  he ended up staying in a hotel a night, and we started counciling... but haven't been back in 2 months now...   And yeah,  I have been trying that lately...  but he knows that he hasn't been affectionate enough with me...  that is why I think I need to pick up the love dare book...  it might help me to not have to TRY so hard to be loving to him...  and maybe he'll start to want to be affectionate with me too.  Its not bad,  but nothing really there...  

Post a Comment