Apr 27, 2016
April 18 was my 5-month anniversary of my RRMS diagnosis. I've also been on Plegridy now for almost 3 months, which continues to be a massive adjustment and source of frustration. I'm sticking it out for another month, but I may just have to kick beta interferons to the curb.
In fact, I find myself fighting hard to just ignore everything that has happened since September 2014. I'm really (I mean REALLY) good at denial. I find I don't participate on the boards very often. My experience is new so I have little to offer others by the way of advice AND my remaining questions (I think) probably come down to personal choices vs. advice or experience. I'm also on the verge of giving up on my DMD - and frankly, I don't want to take a different one. So, if I skip taking the meds and I stop checking the boards and I just go back to trying to live a normal life without illness...can I live like none of this ever happened? It was 7 years in between bouts of double vision. Maybe I can get another 7 symptom-free? Or now that we see this thing on the MRIs and have 14 o-bands swimming around in my CSF, does everything really have to change? Do those physical signs mean progression that I cannot un-know or un-do? But what if I just start trying to live every day as a happy, healthy, unsick person? Can I "fake it til I make it?"
I read so many stories about people who are managing their MS through diet and lifestyle changes alone. I don't know if they continue to be monitored by a neurologist or not. But they claim to feel better than ever. Guess what? I want that, too. Who on this board doesn't want that?
I post this for everyone out there still working to accept this illness. It is not an easy road and with so much unknown, doubts are going to plague us about finding the right course of action to manage this thing. I'm not there yet - still smack in the middle of Year 1 - but I'm working through it. Nothing with my MS has been fast. I guess acceptance won't be either.