Jun 06, 2010
Well, it is only 2 days until I have my surgery. I have to admit that I am pretty nervous about this one. I guess it is normal to think of the what ifs. Sometimes I feel close to a panic attack thinking what if I die? Who will help my husband with Beka and will he be able to fight to keep my son with him (his dad is a real a&&). I know that God is in control and that I need to put my trust in Him. In my heart I know that everything is going to work out just fine, but MAN can our minds play games with us.
I will be having a vertical incision from about 2 inches above my belly button to my pubic bone. She said that they will stitch the inside and glue the outside. That scares me a bit as I am used to having staples hold my incision together. I guess what bothers me the most is that my mom and dad have to leave the day of my surgery (Mom has a mandatory meeting at work) and taking 2 of my 3 kids home with her. Braden (15) has football and is staying home. I guess I am worried about feeling scared and lonely in the hospital with no one to talk to (Keith has to work, we need the money very badly). I can honestly say that I only have one friend who would be willing to drive 30 minutes to keep me company (sad huh?). I know it is silly to feel this way. I'm 35 years old and should not be scared to stay in the hospital by myself. I will have a private room as that is all the hospital has. Ok, enough of self pity. I have it a LOT better than a lot of women and I need to focus on resting and getting as much sleep as possible while in the hospital. I was dumb and signed up to help at a football fundraiser on the Saturday following my surgery. I am signed up for a 2.5 hour shift with another parent. I don't know what I was thinking!! One of my not so smart moments LOL. I seriously doubt that I am going to feel like sitting in the hot sun for 2.5 hours. I will have to sweet talk my hubby into taking my shift.
Sorry for being so silly. I know that things will be fine and that God has me in His hands. Please keep me in your prayers. I am hoping to have my laptop at the hospital so I can get on here during the day.