All Journal Entries Journals

HOLY POO BATMAN! Faint line!

Jun 12, 2010 - 39 comments

I admit it - I am a POAS-a-holic. I freely admit it to anyone who can possibly listen. I am ok with it. I have an addiction to them. They are like speed or something to me! I will admit (not without horrible shame) that I have been POAS since 5dpiui. Bad huh? Sometimes TWICE a day! Sick huh? I want this so bad! AFter 5 years and two m/c, I think it is my time. Please God - let this be my time.

I got a faint line! 2 faint lines - 3 if you count the one from this morning. (Told you - I have a sickness!) I peed in a cup (as I always do) after holding my pee for a good 4 hrs or so. I hate FU - all the other tests I have gotten anything on, it was evening pee. Anyway, I peed in a cup and did a $ tree (which I always use until about 9-10dpo (I am 11dpIUI now) and saw a faint faint line in the allowed time frame (cuz Lord knows I will satre at the things for hours afterwards just praying to see SOMETHING!), so I took some of the same pee and did an answer test. LINE! Super faint, but pink. Hubby saw it but isn't getting too excited - weirdly enough, neither am I (too many things have gone wrong over the last 5 years). So, I got my line - though it is so faint, it isn't even funny! But it is pink and it is there BY GOD!

HOLY POO! Now - here is my dilemma: I finally talked my RE (who is pushing 100) to give me Lovenox. He said not until i get a + test can I start it (he believes the homozygous MTHFR I just found out I have has nothing to do with our loses ad believes the whole MTHFR is a crock of poo). I heard they hurt like heck and am in no RUSH to give them to myself (needles don't bother me but man I hate the liquid that hurts!) but I got a line! Hubby said he doesn't want me to use that stuff until we have a definate line. He isn't too happy with it because he knows there could be problems associated with the Lovenox (very few I have read). So, I wanna run in the bathroom and stick the Lovenox in there and hubby wants to wait...uhhhhhh, confused! So...what do I do? Anyone use Lovenox early on? Do you think it helped? I need some help here ladies!! :)

God, please, please, please, please let this one stick. I can't go through anymore losses.

Funny thing is: I had my now infamous "nervous breakdown" last night. I ALWAYS get it the day or so before I find out it worked (see, I can't even say I am pregnant - I just can't!). I was actually laughing in the shower last night after my episode. I have had one with every BFP and with my DD (who is almost 11). It is the one sign that I can count on!!! My nervous breakdown usually consists of crying, yelling, b*tching, crying some more and just being angry for about 20-30 mins. Then I am fine!! It comes outta nowhere...I think hubby suspected last night when I freaked a bit :) hahaha - sorry to ramble...My mind is going a mile a minute!

YIKES!!! :)

Comments
Post a Comment
796506 tn?1370188305
by nickieb85, Jun 12, 2010
Hey girl! OMG! I am so thrilled for you! I left you a note a bit ago and yes I used lovenox with my last pregnancy and it helped tremendously. I have another gf on this site that had the same problem as you and started using it too and she has had no problems either. Wonderful things to be said about those little painful shots (sting like crazy!)! If you are worried I don't see how it could hurt to go ahead and take them =)

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 12, 2010
That is my theory! Better to take it, then not!

Avatar universal
by mlb1234, Jun 12, 2010
OMG that is GREAT!!!!  I am sooooo friggin happy for you!!!!  I don't have any advice on the lovenox - do what you feel will make you comfortable.  Have fun this week watching the line get darker and darker!!  And don't feel bad - I think I poas 3 days after my transfer (just checking if the hcg was there I rationalized!!)!!!!  We are all addicts!!  Best of luck - I hope this is the one for you!!!!!

Avatar universal
by mlb1234, Jun 12, 2010
p.s.  Everytime I read your mood this week I was like "Dang - how can she NOT be testing?????" lol!!!!  Turns out you were!! :)

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 12, 2010
Dude - I was testing like a FREAK!

594189 tn?1386916607
by lori0615, Jun 12, 2010
A positive is a positive, yeah!!!!!

1121273 tn?1325367975
by k10road, Jun 12, 2010
I think I am the one that Nickie was referring to.  I am on Lovenox currently, and I have one week to go until I reach my second trimester.  I have had 3 miscarriages in the last year.  I have homozygous MTHFR A1298C.  First m/c was a blighted ovum diagnosed at 11 weeks - never saw a heartbeat or baby.  Second m/c was at 6 weeks, and I didn't get to see the heartbeat.  Third m/c was at 7 weeks, and again, didn't get to see a heartbeat.  With this pregnancy, I saw a heartbeat right at my 6 week mark.  Pregnancy is going PERFECTLY - THANK GOD!!  My baby is growing perfectly, and the heartbeat has been perfect.  I got a positive at 10dpo, and I think I saw the perinatologist at like 17dpo???  And I started the lovenox that very same day.  My perinatologist is not 100% sure that the MTHFR caused the losses, but with 3 losses, and it being homo, she feels that there is a chance, and if I was willing to take the risks, she was willing to treat with Lovenox.  So....I am FOR it.  In my opinion, after 3 losses, it is what has made the difference ALONG with the Folgard.  I highly suggest you start that immediately if you aren't on it.  That is something you should be on for the rest of your life from all of the MTHFR research I have done.  Dr. Beer used to recommend 1 Rx Folgard per mutation.  Since you are homozygous, you should take 2.  I take 2 per day.  The newer recommendations, I believe, say that one per day is enough.  I still take 2.  I feel like I am rambling here.  If you want to know more about my experience, feel free to PM me.  Good luck to you.

And oh, the Lovenox DOES hurt...like a...mmmmm....yea, it hurts!  LOL.  At first it didn't bother me.  As time is going on and my belly is growing, it seems to hurt more.  BUT....well worth it!!!

1121273 tn?1325367975
by k10road, Jun 12, 2010
DUDE!!!!!!  Totally did not realize whose journal I was posting on until after I re-read it!!!!! SHUTUP!!!!! YAYAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Well, you already know all that nonsense that I just told you above...lol.  Since we have talked about this already.  I'm a dummy.  Sorry!

And, one more thing I wanted to tell you.  My perinatologist just told me like 2 weeks ago that a new report came out regarding A1298C and that it is PROTECTIVE in pregnancy!!!  Go figure!  She is still treating with Lovenox, but she said that there is evidence that it helps protect pregnancy and prevent m/c!!!  Soooooooo.....hmmmmmmm.

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!

922048 tn?1387942584
by Sherri90049, Jun 12, 2010
Lol! You are SO funny! I'm pretty bad, too! But I usually can't even hold the urine in for 4 hours! I make it about an hour and a half and then I POAS any way! :) Congratulations on your second line! Tell DH that it doesn't matter how faint the line is, it's a positive result! You are preggers! Re: the Lovenox, I am brand new to this. I just found out Thurs that I have antithrombin III deficiency, so I will be right there with you soon! (I'd be taking baby aspirin now but I have stomach ulcers) :( Any way, I have had 7 chemical pregnancies and one m/c. If there is even a 1% chance that my losses were caused by this, I'd start taking it as soon as possible. I can't believe your doctor said he doesn't believe in the MTHFR thing! That's crazy! Always listen to your gut like you're doing! I bet with treating with Lovenox, you are going to be successful this time! I hope you can relax and really celebrate it soon! Best wishes! And lots of baby dust to cement that little bean in there for 9 months! :)

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 12, 2010
Thank you so much girls!!

K10road - I KNOW! Isn't it crazy - I finally got another positive - 3 in 5 years is a long time. I am freaking terrified! I am so scared. UGH! I just pray the line gets darker. I can't take another loss. I just can't. I will take the Lovenox tomorrow if the line is more visible. I see it - it is there but jeesh - it is FAINT. My last one was sooooooo low on HCg but still showed a faint +. I went in and had already started losing it. It was a 9 hcg level the first beta and a 3 the next. So, I barely caught it again. This is when I wish to God above I had the will power NOT to test! Then if I lost it, I would be so damnnnn devastated - I probably wouldn't even know. I am trying to control myself not to pee on another one!!! HAHAAHAHAH

796506 tn?1370188305
by nickieb85, Jun 12, 2010
Yup I was talking about KRoad and I am glad that she chimed in and that you guys had already been talking about the options since you two seem to have the same problem =)

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 12, 2010
Thanks nickie!

Avatar universal
by becca_3456, Jun 12, 2010
I am super excited for you!!! I hope that this is a STICKY STICKY baby!!!

Avatar universal
by amy0013, Jun 12, 2010
Ooooooooooooh, SOOOOO excited for you!!!!!  I hope this is it!  You absolutely deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Can't wait to read more updates!  

776366 tn?1295689591
by MissingLink, Jun 12, 2010
welcome to the party girlfriend!!!!


Kaz



1227139 tn?1462334630
by Dragon1973, Jun 13, 2010
Hi!!
I wanted to say I am so very happy for you!!  I noticed your journal and saw that Nickie & K10road had left you a comment and so I peeked in and read this journal!! YAY!!!!  CONGRATULATIONS!

I am so excited for you too!!

Lots of wishes for you and I would take K10's advice, she knows a thing or two about the shots, and I know since her experiences, I wouldn't take the chance of not using them.  They may hurt, but are worth it in the end!

Happy happy happy day!

Sincerely,
Sandi (Dragon1973)
MedHelp Genetics Community Leader;
Down syndrome Community Leader & Ds Group Forum Founder/Moderator



330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 13, 2010
Well, the lines were slightly darker (notice I said lines, because, yeah I took 2 more, almost a third one, but decided to do that one later :) so I didn't even wake DH up - I just took the Lovenox...OUCH! Not as bad as I thought, but certainly not a wonderful walk in the park. The lo dose HCG I take during cycles hurts worse though, so I think I got this :) Is it just me or are those prefilled syringes PACKED full with the stuff? Good lord! It is like 10 vials of Follistim in just ONE Lovenox! That's a lot of (burning) juice!! Despite being tired, exhausted, all of the above, I was in and out of sleep last night. Please Lord, let this one stick and grow into a healthy baby. Please...

1121273 tn?1325367975
by k10road, Jun 13, 2010
YAYAYAYAYAY for the darker lines!!!!  Sounds to me like you are pregnant.  Now....POST A PIC, GIRL!!!!!  Yes, before you take the cap off of the needle, make sure you draw the plunger back a tiny bit so that you don't lose the Lovenox.  It is SUPER full!  Also, make sure that the air bubble is the last thing that gets injected.  Do not expel the air bubble before you inject.  It is there so that you make sure that you get alllll of the medication and also so that it locks it in.  It is an air lock to keep it in the subq tissue.  Be prepared to be covered in bruises.  Lovenox is notorious for that.  They say the slower you push that it helps prevent bruising....I don't believe it.  I also read that you should insert the needle bevel-side up then rotate it to bevel side down before injecting.  Again...don't know if I believe it.  It will be worth it though. I truly do think so.  Keep me posted!!!  I'm super excited for you!!

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 13, 2010
By slightly darker, I meant they are still light as HELLLLL! I will try to get some uploaded. I will put up the ones from yesterday but I warn you - they are lightttttttttttttttttttttt!

Thanks for the help with the shots! I will try that stuff tomorrow :)

294043 tn?1354207946
by Helen72, Jun 13, 2010
OMG, I am so excited for you.  Stick bab stick!!!!!!!

961574 tn?1520648103
by mhv, Jun 13, 2010
Congrats on the positive!!!  Yipppeeee!!!  See, you helped an old geezer doctor get a postive pregnancy!  You're gonna look good on his stats : )

317019 tn?1532965586
by waitn838, Jun 13, 2010
hey lady....wow its been a long time

congrats on the BFP....soooo happy for you

i dont know if you remember my mc from 2 years ago but here i am again 24 weeks preg...i started taking heparin at week 6...heparin and lovenox are basically the same thing...they are both blood thinners

i was not impressed with sticking a needle in my stomach daily but i have becomed accustomed to them now...im not going to lie...the first few times injecting myself hurt like heck...i could feel the liquid going in and i just pushed past the pain...now its no biggie

i would follow your docs orders and not hubbys....hubby sounds cautiously optimistic right now which is ok...you both have been through a lot but the doc would not tell to take something if they didnt think it would help you

please stay in touch and let me know how things go....best of luck to you for a healthy and happy 9 month journey ahead :)

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 13, 2010
I peed on another one :) Equate - faint , but there! The $ tree from this morning finally looks good! I am just hoping and praying this one sticks. I will do whatever it takes! ANYTHING! I would shoot myself with the Lovenox all day long if I have to! :)

mhv: I got a BFP with him back in Oct but lost it really really quickly. Low low low betas. It sucksssss. I am just praying this one is better! If I see a decent line I will feel better.

I have to babysit for a girlfriend of mine this week (her baby is about 6 months old)  so I have absolutely no idea what time (or if!) I will be able to get the beta! I really don't want to take her with me. I haven't spent time alone with the little one so I don't know her "cranky" times yet :) DH should be able to watch her for an hour or so while I get it done. But I do not want to go in there and get another low beta. I may wait til Tuesday just to give it time. I am an obsessive worry wart anyway, so I would be happy with a decent beta instead  of a super low one like I always have. 1st pregnancy: beta was a 3, then 11, then 181! (I swear!) We apparently had a missed m/c somewhere before my first u/s and lost it. 2nd pregnancy (oct 2009): hcg was 9 and then 3 - chemical. So sick of this guessing game :) So, I may wait a day or so - I don't know. I am just so confused. I want the beta done but don't want a low one. I want something that gives me some hope - like a 100 beta on the 1st time would put me at ease! That is a strong beta and obviously super strong for me!! :) SO, Tuesday is 14dpo/dpIUI, so maybe I will wait. Who knows...

Avatar universal
by bam1014, Jun 13, 2010
HOLY POO BATMAN!!!!   YAY!!!  I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for you!  I'm praying for your sticky sticky sticky sticky little bean(s)    =)

334926 tn?1436811523
by butterflybabies, Jun 13, 2010
Woooot!! Im so excited for you!! I to am a poas-aholic to...what you described is totally me! lol...Sending you Super Sticky Baby Dust!!!

1326103 tn?1282576084
by JennTTC, Jun 14, 2010
That is FANTASTIC!!!!!! I am SUPER excited for you and your family, stay positive!!!!

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 14, 2010
The FRER is slightly darker today - It's there but no where near what I WANT it to look like. You don't have to squint now :) But with the same pee the equate looks almost negative....I hate this CRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

478429 tn?1265244387
by dnikki0928, Jun 14, 2010
Girl I am SOOOOOO happy for you!!!! Stay positive and yes, you are totally a POAS - aholic!!!

317019 tn?1532965586
by waitn838, Jun 14, 2010
keep posting them pictures of your tests...FRER is a good test....im hoping so much for you right now that your HCG is nice and high....best of luck to you

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 14, 2010
Still light HPTs (at noon) but then I went to the bathroom and wiped - red blood (first wipe), but then only brown blood. I have NEVER EVER had brown blood and I never have blood until 15-16 dpo and I am only 13dpo. There is no way this would be my period yet. But the brown blood is throwing me off! If it was all red I could handle that - it would mean I was losing the baby (any bleeding AT ALL when I am preggo means BAD news!!) but the brown is driving me crazy? WHAT THE HELLLLLL IS THAT? My cervix is high (I know - ewwwwwww, sorry, I had to see if there was anymore red) and feels pretty closed. What the heck is this brown blood? And what does it mean? Good, bad, WHAT? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am trying to get in touch with my RE nurse but they don't come back from lunch until 2:30 and then I have to be in town to pick up my daughter from camp at 3:30 and I can't make it there and back in time so I will have to wait until after I get her at 3:30 to race 30 mins to the clinic and then what if I can't get my results today? Can they do an u/s, will it tell them where this blood is coming from? I have pretty much gotten myself ready for another chemical pregnancy but this is throwing a wrench into everything with this brown blood. Doesn't that mean implantation? But at 13 dpo after the hcg has slowly started showing up? There is no more blood up there, that I can tell at least (double ewwww - sorry!)....WTF is this?

711326 tn?1297868510
by udbe2, Jun 14, 2010
The brown blood is dried old blood.  A lot of people get it during implantation or right around when AF is due.  

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 14, 2010
I got an appt for blood draw today but they won't run it until the morning and then I will have to wait allllllllllllllll day for the results. The nurse didn't sound too excited or concerned so I am just to the point where I am accepting this is a doomed pregnancy, again. I am so sick of this! I am a good person!! Why can't I have another baby. 5 years and two (probably three now) loses. I am sick of it all. Just sick of it. Then hubby asked me if I had been taking the Lovenox and I said yes and he said - thats probably why you are bleeding. HUH? He said I shouldn't have started it yet? WHAT? YES I SHOULD HAVE! Doc said when I get a BFP (I did, it was faint but it is there) that is when I start the lovenox. and I DID!!!! I gotta go - I am about to start crying and I refuse to do that.

334926 tn?1436811523
by butterflybabies, Jun 14, 2010
Im so sorry sweety! I hope tomorrow you get the best news ! I am praying real hard for you!
Sending you big hugs!!

294043 tn?1354207946
by Helen72, Jun 15, 2010
I am so sorry about the bleeding.  I hope it's just implantation bleeding.  Please post your beta when you hear anything.

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 15, 2010
I will let you guys know as soon as I know the results of the beta. I am out of tests and refuse to test anymore anyway. Thank you for the big hugs! :) Love you girls!

1121273 tn?1325367975
by k10road, Jun 15, 2010
I do hear a lot of people that had this happen and everything was fine.  So, try not to stress yourself too bad.  I hope your beta is beautiful.  Huge Hugs your way!

330481 tn?1309488243
by scienceteacher79, Jun 15, 2010
Red bleeding now and backaches. UGH! Still waiting on beta results but it is definately not looking good :(

631676 tn?1333718203
by usuk, Jun 15, 2010
thinking of you....

711326 tn?1297868510
by udbe2, Jun 15, 2010
(((hugs))) I'm sorry.  I'm still hoping for some good results.  You know I was just thinking, I remember waitn838 is taking lovenox shots.  I want to say I remember she went through a bit of bleeding and now she is what 24 weeks I believe.


Please don't be so hard on yourself... getting pregnant is one of the hardest things I think I have ever attempted.   I'm 37 never been on bc before, active since 17 years old and been pregnant 8 times in 20 years and I have no kids yet.  It will happen for you if not this one but soon.  You have one so you know it's possible to get and stay pregnant, they just need to figure out what is going on now.

Let us all know when you get the results in.   My last levels were at 177 and the HPT was very faint.  That is just how they are for me though.  

Post a Comment