All Journal Entries Journals


Aug 11, 2016 - 7 comments

living with other ppl can be a trip.  its awesome that i seldom hear Beck, though he is home the least.  but the girls are talky and loud, its aite but sometimes it bugs me.  wait.  i need to make a cup of tea.

ok.  i still feel funky.  im super duper tired ... this is my second day in a row not working out.  my mouth or throat feel sore, and my ears hurt _again_!

oh well.  its still inordinately harder to be a Syrian or a lesbian.

idk this is a weird thing and i know its been hilee documented (no pun intended), but never do i seem to want to use MORE than on monthiversaires, and such  ... and today is NO DIFFY!  i have 60 days.  again.  again!

thats your buzz word today Meegy huh?



omg.  Pickles/Glory is licking my hand and trying to sit on my computer keyboard.  ok she just left.

everything involving my sinuses hurts.


this cleaning lady thing is dogging the fukk out of me.  NOW theres a note on the counter (though my mail could not stay there, and had to be put on my bathroom counter [?]  because everyone knows this house belongs to Beck and Roberta JEEZ man!) asking me "Meegan can you please call Janel and ask her to come Wed bc Monday interferes with Beck's day off."

i am like DUDE.


but i said ok ...  YOU know!  (power 106 voice)

Beck said he could call bc he speaks a little bit of Spanish but tbh the way they BOF talk about Mexican people bugs the hells out of me.  and Roberta .... pretty much anything she sez bug the fukk out of me.  im sorry.  trying to be more tolerant.  not working with her

i am actually lissning to 2 Legit 2 Quit AND i can do the hand motions.  how cool am I?

i put 10 pound weights at the end of my bed to keep it from rolling on the wood floor when i am trying to lean up against my bed and write.  it sort of works.  i know they have bed coasters but i have not been to Triple B or any like home store latee and im ded brokeski

i am changing R's name to Roberta bc its more different than her real name ....  and i think its fitting.  she seems like a Roberta.  not like Rosanna Arquette in DSS but still

Rosanna Arquette did not really seem like a Roberta to me ... i was always sort of miffed about that.  she's so cute!  and Roberta is not a cute name.  but just for that movie, she made it cute.  Rosanna!  (toto)

in this song they say "kick butt kick butt"  super funny!

ok so as I was saying ... what WAS i saying?  oh yeah how i want to use.

but i dont.  im over it.  i texted that to Mel (my sponsor, for those of you not in Tha Know) this morning.  i said "Ugh 60 days and i need my drugs"  and she said "no you don't need your drugs" and i said ok


I am responsible!  that's what i herd this laydee say at a AA meeting thother day and she is right.  She sed theres SO many ppl out there who want you to stay (sober) like your family, your friends ...  im like i dont' have no family that ker bout me but i got my MEDHELP family (scattered to the winds as they are), Najeet (yes it was our last session today rancid), and many 12 step friends, and Chula, and well a lots of others

and I am reponny to alls those ppls


i know  ... i do know that.

and the whole idea of 'service' i have found is not really selfless .. its selFISH!  and alls this time i was just like 'i already of service i ben a teacher and volunteered in every organization this side of the mason dixon line [yes rick] [aw hells and Keith while im at it]  YO SUP FELLAS!  

ok im ok

so i was like 'i aint beein of NO MORE service you 12 step ppl can eat my shorts!"  

but thens i realize welp when you get OUT yourself (dont you owes hear them saying this spit, like 'get out of your own head its a dangerous neighborhood to be in by yourself]  then you FEELS BETTERS

for so many yeers Chula and i ben talking bout how if you have a reeeeely hard teaching assignment (read: challenging and creative enough to keep you um, stimulated)(Ooh baby!)  then you have a vacay from yersel.  and we so seldom have a vacay from ourself and then i realize this the same thing 12 step is talking about

still im a arteest!  like ron.  get it ?  Ron Artest?  isn't that a bball player?  something like that   idk

wait is that metaworldpeace?  no.  whats his name agin?  omg I AM getting old i cant remember his real name.  jeez Meegy.  take some supplements for your brain.  

nothing wrong with my brains!

shut up Meegy!


bewareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the puhlek j

today i went to a meeting that was ultra wack omg it was SO WACK

i go to the 3 o'clock (hey that would be a good name for a band) bc i get it over with ... its like part of my work day so i am done by 5 ...

and some of the AA 3 o clox are reals good ...

not this one.

so Mel told me "share what YOU want to hear"  

so i did.

first this guy ... ok its a hour meeting already ... and this guy shared for like TWENTY MINUTES not kidding and no one stopped him.

now im lissning to Funky Cool Medina.  no that is not a city in Saudi

where are you from?


wait is it funky cold medina?  i think its cold.  i forgot and now im too deef to hear it.  im too lazy to get up and turn up the volume

then some other guy preached at us and another guy who i think is cool but sort of had a loose wire today shared about how he loved weed (Im sure!  i know.  he always goes 'bud is no longer my king and neither is the bud i love so much)  i know.  DUDE!





y'all still the same, Meegy
baby babe youre still the same

the things that are helping me stay clean:

1.  going to a meeting every day (trying to do 90 in 90.  there is no try just do Meegy.  i know)stfu so far i done over 30 days of meetings

2.  having a bomb azz sponsor (Mel)

3.  read JFT every morning (or night)

4.  every morning i have to say "god pls help me stay clean today and help me be of service to my community and my work"  (i know aint that some jacked up spit?  hey but i am MISS willing i do everything Mel say to do)

5.  i have worked 2 steps and am working on the 3rd (for the first time EVER)

6.  therapy

7  at night i thank God for helping me stay clean

so ya.  and i call more ppl

i applied for a job at a charter skule.  they aredi ask Tbam for reference but thats just something they get out of the way first i aint herd from them or the jail school ... so ya

my class went well today.  my new student is our age, she from Brazil (NO i said that already she's NOT a boy!)   ... and she is so sweet.  omg i just love her to death

But the awful thing about today was it was my last session with Najeet.  she transitioned me to this new guy Christopher (we met today and i will start with him in two week bc he is out next week)  but we basically cried the whole time.  idk.  we both tried not to but we have become so closeski.  she gave me a rock.  i know it sounds weird but its really pretty and she said it can be my grounding rock (she has one, and this was hers, but she had more than one) and that it could remind me that i can do this and that (she claimed) i did 90% of our work in therapy myself.  Not even!  no one is Najeet.  it is pretty epic sad, but i have not felt it quite yet.  i mean, fully

im super happy to be home and off for the weekend.  im just wayyyyyyyyyyyyy overtired and my sinuses are just going nuts

this clown Clive has been texting me out of his mind from Chicago.  its like DUDE!  (dont say it) .... why did you not call me when you were HERE?
he is acting like we've been going out for years.  i don't even know him!  the only thing i find attractive about him at all is that he's been in prison.  well, maybe his cornrows.  ok, his baggy pants too.  other than that i do NOT!  also i don't think he knows how to read.  that is attractive too

i know!  im crazy.  but i love literacy work

anyways theres more but ima bounce for nows

i love you medhelp!



60 days!!!!!!

Post a Comment
1235186 tn?1549257619
by atthebeach, Aug 11, 2016
Hey girlfriend meegy w paw 60 days. Good for you huni. You are doing so much work on your recovery. I am proud of you.
Getting those steps done. That's a good thing, I know how you always resisted. Congrats on 30 days of meetings.

I am so sorry that Najeet will no longer be your therapist. Is she leaving the office or moving away?
I know you have really loved her. You have done amazing with her.
I hope  Christopher works out for you. How do you feel about a man as a therapist?
I know the last few have been women.

I know that you know that I have a dance degree. We have definitely talked about that.

Do you think the dogs are annoying your  sinuses?
You aren't smoking anymore are you?

If you want the charter school job I hope you get it.
I miss our old medhelp but I am glad you still write. Cause I always read.
I love you Meeg congrats again, again, again on 60 days.

1742220 tn?1331356727
by meegWpaw, Aug 11, 2016
i knew you had a dance background but i don't think you ever told me that you have a degree.  did you?  wow!  did you teach dance?  i can't remember.

Yes Najeet is leaving the office.  she's getting married and also she's going to finish her hours working with children.  I met the guy and he seems super sweet.  young.  well, a man is ok ... N and I have been talking about it.  She feels he is a good fit because he is very compassionate and his style is similar to hers.  i liked him.  he's very unassuming.

i don't think its the dogs.  i did smoke one cigarette but i think it was like 2 weeks ago.  and before that no.

ty for reading.  i love your comments and i love you!  again, again and again !  muah


Avatar universal
by gnarly_1, Aug 11, 2016
Hey meggy......60 days you go girlyyyy......well im a big fan of your jurniling....(is that a word)  our bipolar minds think alike.....anyways your off to a great for the sinus pick some pine needles and get a big pot...put a 1/2 in of water in it and break up the needles bring to a boil  put a towel over it and breath it in for 5 min or so  this hill billy cure works for me and my family.......  we just came home from a great meeting at my service commitment the mavrick house drug rehab...we had a N/A couple share...they where funny and inspiring the group loved them and so did  billy and me.....we been running that meeting forever now but tonight was a home run.....anyway your doing the deal and it is the end of the day and where both still clean.....go to show ya the progam works.....anniversary are tuff for me also....just hang in there.....I still treat myself to a pound of shrimp every month im still clean.....just know I still love you as a friend and it means alot to me that your trying so hard your friend and fellow addict Mark

1742220 tn?1331356727
by meegWpaw, Aug 12, 2016
awwww Mark it means so much to me when you write!  ty for your support.  i truly appreciate it.  and im glad you read my js!!!!  that is so great.  wow i am going to smile for a while tonight!  yeah i forgot to mention that i also have to (but don't mind) call my sponsor every day and check in.  we don't talk, but i do check in with a voice mail and if i need her help i just have to say.  Some of the things for 12 step are still hard for me, but thats ok at this point.  i don't mind hard work, but the step work especially, as well as experiencing *feelings* without drugs / alcohol is very very hard.  ty for the 'hill billy' cure i will try to find some pine needles and try it!!!  billy is your wife?  that is such a cool name.  well, we have a couple that basically runs one of the AA meetings i go to and they are very inspirational.  both of them are tough customers and tell it like it is but they are very generous and knowledgeable about 12 step and most things about recovery / sobriety.  i forgot about you with that pound of shrimp thing!!!!!  i will have to think of some kind of ritual that is clean!

i really appreciate you taking the time to comment

love, your friend


317787 tn?1473358451
by Dee1956, Aug 12, 2016
60 days!! Woo hoo! I am so thrilled for you,I'm getting my red dancing shoes out to celebrate Meegy 60 days!!
I just woke up, not very prolific this early, I mostly wanted to say Happy 60!

Avatar universal
by 10356, Aug 12, 2016
I'm also Happy for you Meegy 60 days is Awesome and the full out effort you are putting in is commendable I'm very Proud of you.. Another Sister is reclaiming her life ! warm hugs with love, lesa

1742220 tn?1331356727
by meegWpaw, Aug 12, 2016
ty Dee and Lesa.  you are so sweet, Dee. ty Lesa i love you lots.  

Post a Comment