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Where is my mind?

Jun 19, 2010 - 1 comments

I keep hearing over and over that most people after having a panic attack are so scared of having another one that they can cause it to happen. Or the majority of their anxiety is about possibly having an attack.

I don't feel that way.

I don't want to have a panic attack by any means, but I'm not really scared of having one. I'm most frightened by the thought of becoming crazy. Like, psychopathic, killer crazy. Or just a crazy person who ends up homeless. Or just plain crazy. I don't know.

I'm so scared that I'm going to lose it one day and hurt myself or others. That's my main thought 98% of the day, the fear of going crazy, and when I do have an attack the worry is a million times worse.

I don't want to go crazy. I don't want to hurt anyone or myself. I don't want to be homeless. I don't want to be that kind of person.

Does anyone else worry about this obsessively? I've never hurt anyone and it's the last thing I want to do. I'm just so scared of losing my mind.

Last night I woke up talking, I was trying to grab something and I remember my boyfriend asking me if I was okay because according to him I just popped up and started mumbling. I woke up during it and realized I was talking and I was taken aback. I've never done that before. I've never talked in my sleep before. So now that has me even more scared that I have somehow purchased a one way ticket on the crazy train.

Am I just freaking out too much? Is this normal? I mean, it's not normal, but is it anxiety normal? It's really freaking me out and I don't know what to do.

Gosh I wish I was normal.

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by zilenna73, Jun 19, 2010
It sounds like your worry thoughts are getting the better of you and you are accepting these fearful feelings as facts. Feelings aren't facts. It might help for you to try to challenge them and examine them rather than letting them build on one another until you end up totally panicked. How likely is it that you are going to really lose it and become a psychopath or assault someone? I mean really slow down and put a number on it...50%, 20%, 90%...If you have no history of violence, it is quite unlikely. Challenge these scary thoughts and they will calm down rather than escalating. You sound like someone who is combating OCD, and the obsessive worries about unlikely outcomes is what you are struggling with. You aren't alone in having these sorts of thoughts. Look up the OCD Foundation and get some resources and maybe a referral to a cognitive behavioral therapist who will help you "boss back" these scary thoughts. Good luck and take care!

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