Jun 19, 2010
I keep hearing over and over that most people after having a panic attack are so scared of having another one that they can cause it to happen. Or the majority of their anxiety is about possibly having an attack.
I don't feel that way.
I don't want to have a panic attack by any means, but I'm not really scared of having one. I'm most frightened by the thought of becoming crazy. Like, psychopathic, killer crazy. Or just a crazy person who ends up homeless. Or just plain crazy. I don't know.
I'm so scared that I'm going to lose it one day and hurt myself or others. That's my main thought 98% of the day, the fear of going crazy, and when I do have an attack the worry is a million times worse.
I don't want to go crazy. I don't want to hurt anyone or myself. I don't want to be homeless. I don't want to be that kind of person.
Does anyone else worry about this obsessively? I've never hurt anyone and it's the last thing I want to do. I'm just so scared of losing my mind.
Last night I woke up talking, I was trying to grab something and I remember my boyfriend asking me if I was okay because according to him I just popped up and started mumbling. I woke up during it and realized I was talking and I was taken aback. I've never done that before. I've never talked in my sleep before. So now that has me even more scared that I have somehow purchased a one way ticket on the crazy train.
Am I just freaking out too much? Is this normal? I mean, it's not normal, but is it anxiety normal? It's really freaking me out and I don't know what to do.
Gosh I wish I was normal.