Aug 06, 2008
I feel horrible, all I want to do is cry. I say one this to my boyfriends daughter mother and she becomes a total *****, I mean Dylan was already having problems with her yesturday and all he asked if she could come pick Emma up on friday because he has to work early!
I said one this to her mature and shes all like dont bring Amber around me when you come pick Emma up, shes so imature!
If she gets her life straight and not make things such a problem with Dylan things wouldnt be like this in the first place, its like all these low income moms who go knocked up at 15 always wants to make drama drama drama.
At first I didnt think about what I was getting my self into, getting into a relationship with a guy who already has a kids and being only 19. It was great at first, but maybe I should of thought about it more, how this is going to effect me, how hard it is going to be for me.
Like some times I already feel like hes not aprechiating me the way he should be with all the things I have been doing for him, then I end up getting pregnant!
This is so heavy on my shoulders right now. I have had a chance to get a councellor, I called once and just havent called back, I have a chance to go to a womens group at the hospital I am giving birth at just havent had the chance, and there is even this dinner for parents 25 and under every thursday or something and I just havent been to that! I dont know why it is that way, like I think about doing these things because it could help me out but I just dont end up signning up or going to any of them!!
I have never had my parents really here for me, I never have anyone to talk to and when I have tried talking to my so called friends they just end up interuppting me, maybe thats why, since I havent had anyone want to listen to what I have to say and what I feel about my self my life that I really dont think anyone would listen or support me there.
Well I think I should just go and try it, I am 6 months pregnant now and I do need to find people that I can talk to even maybe make some friends and the baby being able to have some one to play with.
Thats the thing that ***** with Dylan, he doesnt really have any friends with kids so when Emma comes over shes usually not doing much.
I do plan on pputting my daughter into day care after a year so maybe that way she can make some friends.
But really, I think maybe I have been thinking and worrying too much about what other people want and not what I need and want for myself.
I think now I should just start saving up some money on my own without Dylan knowing until I save enough to leave him this place and go live on my own, hey maybe things will get better once I go to these groups and concelling, but I still feel torn apart right now and thats the only thing I can see to do is just that.
I am going to still support him with everything he needs to do to get his daughter the way he deserves. I still dont understand why 2 weeks is a problems, oh just because her mom will miss her? Thats the only thing I can see. Well in this case thats all I have to say right now.
I hope when I write again I will have something happier to say and news that I am going to get into these programs.