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Jun 23, 2010 - 8 comments

Andy Rooney on sex

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big d*ck or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature' s way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
Answer: Life *****, job ***** and the wife doesn't.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

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by merrymaria, Jun 23, 2010
i love it...# 2 is my favorite...thank you for the laugh...maria :O

Avatar universal
by beatingthis, Jun 23, 2010
Dear Oh Dear Sophie! lol!! This is GREAT!!!

Thanks so much!


711224 tn?1344771687
by SophieShine, Jun 23, 2010
I knew you'd like it !!!!!

Avatar universal
by beatingthis, Jun 23, 2010
I loved it. I sent it to everyone I know lol!!!

Avatar universal
by swagger39, Jun 29, 2010
Damn this really is funny as all get out even from a guys point of view.

Avatar universal
by DeeDee694, Jun 29, 2010
Love it.  Really funny and very clever.  Thanks.  Puts me in a good mood to start my day.  Swagger, you're something else!


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by narla, Jun 29, 2010
Loved number 13,of course I am an Aussie.


1323047 tn?1279193919
by Purbeckgirl, Jun 29, 2010

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