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Disappointed

Jun 25, 2010 - 9 comments

I don't know why I'm so disappointed that I started my period right on time. I just FELT different this month. I was beginning to think maybe - just maybe - I deserved a miracle at this point. But I guess not. I can't keep doing this to myself every month. Even though we're not "trying" to get pregnant, every month, in the back of my mind, I hope. I'm so tired of disappointment and heartbreak. I cried myself to sleep last night. I miss my angel...more than another baby, I just want HIM back. God, I miss him so much my heart aches. He'd be one year old in two weeks. What would life be like if he was still here?

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503649 tn?1304357466
by prevatt77, Jun 25, 2010
Awww Tricia I'm so sorry.  I don't know what more to say to you.  I will continue to pray for you and I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

XO Debbie

184342 tn?1282588750
by tatorbug40, Jun 25, 2010
Tricia,  my heart still aches for you too.  Its hard to believe Ian would have been a year old already...  I too will continue to pray for you, and your family.  

Corrina

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jun 25, 2010
I'm so sorry Tricia, I had hoped you would be pregnant.  I'm tearing up just reading your words.  I want you to find happiness and even though another baby wouldn't ever replace your little angel, at least it will give you a bit of that happiness back.  HUGS!!!

171768 tn?1324230099
by tiredbuthappy, Jun 25, 2010
My heart aches for you. It may not give you solace, but I want you to know that your story helped me get through some very trying months. My little one had severe colic and reflux, in addition to waking every half hour for the first 8 months of her life. And in the middle of the night, when I was waking for the tenth time, I would take a moment to thank god for her because I knew that having to wake so many times was a blessing that others such as yourself would have given anything for. I hope you find some comfort and that you be blessed with another pregnancy.  

127124 tn?1326735435
by have 2 kids, Jun 25, 2010
I'm so sorry to hear you aren't pregnant.  My heart aches for you.   Every once in a while I go back and look at Ian's pictures and cry everytime.   I know it doesn't make you feel any better to know that we all want you to have another baby but we are hear to listen and cry with you.    

229760 tn?1291467870
by rdh1981, Jun 25, 2010
I have tears in my eyes! I am so sorry! I know after Cooper had his first "birthday" in Heaven I found a lot of inner peace. I pray you find this peace too.  

I told you this once before and I am going to remind you again......Every month you get your period is another month that Ian gets to spend with his little bro/sister. He will send him/her down when he is ready!

TTC is horrible in itself but when you add intense grieving on top of it, it makes some days unbearable. God, I am hurting for you! I wish you nothing but the best and I KNOW you will get pregnant!

I am here if you need me! Lots of love girly!

419158 tn?1316571604
by blueeyedtabbycat, Jun 25, 2010
Oh Tricia! I am so sorry. Its hard to believe Ian would have been 1 year old soon. But as Rachel said he is spending time with his brother/sister in Heaven. I honestly believe that!! You will get another chance. I know how hard trying but not trying but still hoping every month and then being disappointed:~(
As always you are in my thoughts and prayer,
I miss talking to you:~( I hope you get a BFP soon!
Hugs,
Tabitha

195469 tn?1388322888
by Heather3418, Jun 26, 2010
Tricia,

I have been wracking my brain, trying to figure out what to say to you, that may possibly bring you some comfort.

I know you wish that Ian was here with you, but if he had to suffer just one day because of his brain tumor, you would tell yourself that you are glad that he is at peace in Heaven and in no pain.  I know that your arms ache to hold that little boy again.  It must be sheer agony for you.

I have heard of a procedure that they used to do during an HSG, where they run a catheter through your tubes, hoping that a little nudge from the catheter will open up that piece of scar tissue that is holding your tube shut.  I don't know if they do that anymore.  Maybe you can ask your OB about that, to see if that is ever done anymore.  He/she may look at you like you are crazy, especially if they have never heard of it.  If there was a chance that they could work that scar tissue loose without puncturing the tube, I would go for it.  If they can put stents in hearts to open up a clogged artery, why can't they do something similar to a woman's tubes?  Now I sound like I am crazy...

I wish I knew of some procedure that could give patency back to both tubes.  There just has to be something out there that could help.  My biggest wish for you is IVF and having the funds to have it done.  I know how terribly expensive it is.  That uterus is just sitting there, waiting for a fertilized egg.  You are ovulating on a regular schedule, which is excellent news.  There just has to be someway to get that egg to meet up with the sperm.

The best advice I can give you for now, is try NOT to take your temperature and do not use the OPK this coming month.  I know that would be hard for you to do, but maybe taking a month or two off, from trying to conceive, could be the best advice I could give you.  Remember my cousin.  She stopped thinking about it ever happening, after she was told that her tubes were blocked (after two HSG's) and poof, she did wind up pregnant.  I believe she was 40 years old when she did conceive that miracle baby.  She conceived from a tube that was barely 3 cms long.  Fertilization must have taken place as soon as that egg was released from the ovary.

Her egg implanted low in the uterus, which tells me that the proper amount of cell division had to take place, before the egg could implant.  By some miracle, that egg did implant and a mother that thought she would never have another child, now watches her son grow and mature.  Her case was deemed impossible before her pregnancy.  That's what gives me hope that it too, can happen to you.  I pray that it does...

We all love you so much Tricia and so many people are praying that you conceive.  I hope that all of our prayers are helping.

Big Hugs and all God's blessings,
Heather
from the MS Forum

377493 tn?1356502149
by adgal, Jul 01, 2010
Oh my sweet dear Tricia. How I ache for you, I truly truly do.  I so want for you to conceive again.  I know nothing will ever ever replace Ian, and I know that is not what you are trying to do, but I so badly want to hear the smile in your words again. I truly do love you my friend, and you are always in my heart and prayers..  I know that baby Ian and baby Cooper are playing together and are so proud of their mommas...still here sending words of comfort to everyone else.  XOXO

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