All Journal Entries Journals

At my wits end!!!

Jul 02, 2010 - 48 comments

I would like to hear from other mothers on how they handle meltdowns from their children.  I'm getting to the point where I want to rip my hair out and never leave my house with my child.  Jayden is 2 1/2 and is very stubborn, very strong willed and very out of control.  He's not horrendous, he listens some what but he's just been on this bad streak and I don't know how to handle it without going ballistic on him.  He talks back, he tells me no all the time, he runs from me, he is now hitting me.  I never thought I would be in this position.  I'm a very balanced parent, I think.  I allow him to have his feelings by giving him room to do a lot of things, so I'm lenient in a way with what I feel I should be lenient with, but I'm also very strict when I feel it's necessary.  I don't let him talk loud in an elevator or a restaurant, I don't let him run around places that are inappropriate, I let him play in the kitchen sink and make a mess but when I say ok that's enough, well I feel like I should only have to say it once.  Anyway, these are just mini examples.  So here is where I reached my breaking point yesterday.  We went to our favorite playground yesterday.  It was quite chilly here in NY...maybe 75 degrees.  For July, that's chilly.  So I was surprised when the sprinklers were on.  Of course there were only a couple kids in there, but for the most part, kids weren't going near the water.  It was cold.  I usually have Jay dressed in his bathing suit but not yesterday because there were no intentions of going near the water.  So of course he wants to go in and I tell him no not today because it's cold.  So I distract him by having him go on the slide and climb and stuff.  So once again he wants to go in, and once again my answer is no.  So I distract again, and then he gets away from me and goes to the sprinklers, I say fine but just put your hands in for a few and that's it.  So he does, so then I tell him that it was enough and he turns and says "no", I walk up to him and what does he do....he runs right through the sprinklers away from me.  I finally catch him and I bend down and talk directly into his face and say "Jay, I said that's enough.  I let you put your hands in and when I say no, it's no and do not run from me, if you can't listen to me then we will leave and go home."  Well he walks away, turns to me, points his finger at me and starts scolding me.  So I take his hand and I say, it's time to go home.  Mind you we've only been there for 20 minutes.  So my wonderful child decides to drop to his knees and he's there dangling because I have his hand.  I'm telling him to stand up, he won't.  I then pick him up and he starts screaming and hitting me, pulling my hair, pinching my skin.  I pull him away from people because I'm totally embarassed at this point, we get to a corner and I sit him down and walk away from him and sit about 5 feet from him.  He's crying and I just let him sit there and cry for about 2 minutes.  Then I go up to him and I tell him that I do not like being hit or him throwing a fit, because he can't behave we are going home.  So I pick him up and we go home.  So I'm sure this is typical of every 2 1/2 year old but I want to know, did I handle that appropriately?  What else can I do, I'm so frustrated and drained.  I don't want to be one of those moms that can't control their child.  I didn't want to leave the park but I feel like he needs consequences, you act up we leave and go home.  I need to be tough or else he will continue to misbehave in public.  I'm so sad about this, maybe it's normal...I just don't know what to do.

Comments
Post a Comment
1034736 tn?1319559035
by wildflower77, Jul 02, 2010
I think you handled it wonderfully!  You stuck to your guns, and that's what's important.  It is typical of a two y/o for the most part...the whole power struggle thing.  Especially with boys (although my girls have been known to do worse).  I can understand being embarrassed, but you really shouldn't be.  I'm sure the other parents in the park understood completely and have been through the same thing.  Either way, consistency in discipline is the key and you're doing a great job.  I know you're frustrated, but this will pass eventually.  Keep your chin up and keep doing what you're doing.  :o)

~J

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
Really?  Ok, great.  What I really wanted to do was smack the c rap out of him.  But you can't exaclty do that.  You said it correctly, total power struggle.  I can't wait for this to get easier but I know it doesn't.  I'm dreading his teenager years now.

996699 tn?1447229881
by raquelplus2, Jul 02, 2010
gorl say no more say no mor!!! so is landon!!! well what i do is i raise my voice nooo landon tell him wat he did is a nono n spank his hand not hard sumtimes he cud care less!! lol n whn tht happens i spank his butt!! i no sum people r against it but at 2 he dnt listen 2 stay in corner or watever!! but you got an advantage ritchie!!!!! the strong hard man  voice outta put him in check real quick!!! tell him 2 start scolding him n being firm! i no mine listen to jack n rueben real quick! lol its tht stage he will grow out of soon watch!

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
That's the thing, Richie, he listens to but when I'm alone I can't really rely on Richie to always be the disciplinarian.  Then I will get no respect from Jay and have no control over him.  I've done the hand swatting and the spanking the tush with the diaper but I don't do it hard enough because I feel bad when I do do it so I try to find other ways of dealing with him.  I can't wait for him to grow out of it....lol.

1303813 tn?1303159362
by Cassandrajane, Jul 02, 2010
My brother is exactly the same if not worse and he is 3. Okay he is my brother but I have him more than my mum des and she still wants me to have them 6days a week as well as my own baby.
My brother runs away in town and it takes us an hour to find him and he is normally with the police. He jumps out of my Window in my sisters swimming costume and runs away and goes to the park gets brought back again by the police...
He is a typical 3 yr old but seriously I just wanna leave him in town, he gets out of his buggy no matter how tight we strap him in, He gets out of his wrist strap and runs off. He plays up screams and shouts.
In cold weather Point blank REFUSES to wear a jumper and a coat.
We have to lock him in the house and on boiling hot days have the downstairs windows locked and the doors so he doesnt run away and its not fair.
His swearing was so bad.. because of my lovely boyfriend. Because my brother doesnt have a dad, my boyfriend is his male influence.. Oh gosh. But we sorted that out with mustard. Everytime he swore he had mustard in his mouth, then he started to enjoy the taste now its washin up liquid. He will only swear if he is angry. And if you tell him off, he wont just swear because he can anymore.

But no I dont think you handled it the wrong way at all. We try the naughty step and taking things away and making him sit in his room but thats his bedroom so we cant do that anymore, because that needs to be associated with bed time not when he is naughty, Because of his behaviour which IS influeneced by my sister because she has ADHD that was set off by my step dad who was supposed to get sent down for attempted murder but wasnt it went to Assult on a Minor (my sister was the Minor) No one knew what was happening to her, because she didnt make a sound, no crying no screaming nothing, and he knocked her unconcious untill the middle of the night, we asked her why didnnt she scream loud enough... Now thats all she does to get the attention she should have got when something was happening to her.. I Had no idea it was happening and even though the blame was put onto me and my step dad said I did it to her, I feel really bad becausse I was there and I could have stopped it, if she just screamed. But she didnt and I feel guilty like I ruined this family.
But anyways.
Social services are involved and says if my brother runs away again they will take him and my sister away. :( He is gettin better, because like you we well I Don't give in and when i say NO it means no. You Just have to be strong, I know its hard and you dont like seeing them cry.
If my brother doesnt go to bed I give him to the count of 3 and say if he isnt upstairs by the time I get to 3 he sleeps in the garden... he always runs by 2. You need to use a deep authoritive voice (I cant spell sorry) when you mean it and when you want them to listen when they are being naughty and show them what they are doing is naughty and when they are good or doing something well and nicely you should praise them and say well done, and make a chart and for everyday your son is good he gets a sticker, set targets:
Like:
No Hitting:
Go To Bed Like A Good Boy:
Be Good Whilst Out:
and anything else and if he does ALL of these in one dayy then he gets his sticker, and a week of stickers gets a prize type thing.

Its always worth a try, my brother is on the goody bag system and its working, I still use it, my mum doesnt. But I have felt like a mum since I was 8 so I am confident about having my own, Ive had ALOT of experience and I have my brother and sister 6 days a week as well as doing 2 jobs! haha...

But try it and see how it goes, if not I have ALOT more advice.

BUT, Don't hit the, like smack their bum or the back of their hands and stuf (Not saying you do) Because you're telling him its wrong to hit, and it would be contradiciting yourself. Because my mum hits my brother and says dont hit me. Its like ARGH MUM NO! You sit him on the stair for 3 mins!!!!!!!

Good Luck

x

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
We do the praising and I'm very stern with my voice, it's as if he thinks I'm joking.  I always tell him, mommy isn't playing and he still tests me.  Everything and I mean everything is a struggle or an argument.  It's quite frustrating.  

1303813 tn?1303159362
by Cassandrajane, Jul 02, 2010
Have you tried the rewards?
Like start with a little toy everyday or icecream after dinner if he is good all day?

My brother used to copied my stern voicee. I couldnt help but laugh.

x

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
I can try the rewards system.  I'm not sure if he's old enough to understand it yet but I can try.

1303813 tn?1303159362
by Cassandrajane, Jul 02, 2010
My brother has had the reward system since he was 2. We started it off by taking him to the park, or he will get a toy car or go to the zoo.
Or something.
My brother has a criminal record from 10 months. He pushed our panic alarm and one of the police officers were going to write it down as wasting police time! LOL!
But the reward system works. Or take toys away.

x

996699 tn?1447229881
by raquelplus2, Jul 02, 2010
with the spanking dnt feel bad!!! cause u have 2!!! jus b strong n do it n u need 2 do it whr he can feel it!! not hard but enough so he can b like owww mommys notmessn round!! it will start working ive bn doin tht wt landon bout running 2 th st in front yard he dont no mo!! lol

973741 tn?1342342773
by specialmom, Jul 02, 2010
Okay, as I said in my pm two minutes ago--------  I'm on my way out the door.  Only read your first post and just wanted to respond.  

What I love about what you did is that you put into place a natural consequence.  He was acting up and you immediately left.  You followed through on what you said even though you were only there for 20 minutes.  This teaches him that Mommy means business.  You also stayed calm.  So many parents think yelling and losing it will get their kids to do what they want and then they end up with kids that yell and lose it when they are upset.  Staying calm is really important and you did a great job with that as I'm sure your stress meter was at a 10.  I try to not lecture too much with kids of 2 because they don't think that way.  Too many words means they tune out.

I think for a child of two, choices are a good thing too.  Give him two choices that you decide on and then he'll pick.  He's more willing to comply.  You can say-----------  you may put your hands in the water or your feet only.  Anything else, and we must leave.  Your choice.  Something like that.  Kids feel like they have control by picking and are much more compliant that way.

So, I'll read through this when I get back . . . sorry if what I said has been said 20 times already!  Ha.  I'm on the run today!

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
I feel like the spanking didn't really work because all it did was make him think hitting was ok when you are upset.  Now I'm getting smacked in the face so I'm thinking that back fired.  Plus, when we are outside and in public it isn't exactly what I want to be doing.  I have to admit I've also been known to scream and yell and then now he's mimicking me.  Great, really wondeful.  I've got that type of personality as is and he's going to be just like me.  So I've noticed all these things and I'm trying to figure out what to do, since I've seemed to fail in all areas so far...lol.  I just want to be consistent and I don't want to lose my mind.  

specialmom I do lecture him sometimes and I can see him zoning out...lol.  I think the choice option is a good idea.  I will try that again.  

1303813 tn?1303159362
by Cassandrajane, Jul 02, 2010
I was told not to hit because then they think its okay to hit. And you hit them at the same time as telling them off for hitting and they are like, well if mum can I can even If I get told off....
With the praising stuff still do that and try rewards as well... and it will all fit in together, praising and the rewards... :)
And the sticker chart. Might work

x

419158 tn?1316571604
by blueeyedtabbycat, Jul 02, 2010
I think you did a great job handling it. Non of my kids really listen to me. I mean they all have their days but its always better when DH is around. Dont know why they feel like its okay to walk all over me. Anyways all my boys starting around 2 became little monsters. Dalton is 22 months now and for the past few months has started screamimg at the top of his lungs (very high piched) when something doesnt go his way. Doesnt matter where we are he screams. There are days when I want to lock my self in a room and put in ear plugs but cant, lol. You just have to keep going.

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
So there is no hope then :( lol

I guess we all go through it.

419158 tn?1316571604
by blueeyedtabbycat, Jul 02, 2010
unfortunatly most of us do. When they get older you can lock them in their rooms, lol. Also I love the leaving part. If my kids act up I will drop what im doing and go home. No matter where I am. They hate that and its hard on me too. If im in the middle of shopping I have walked out only to have to go back and try again later. My 2 older boys will start running up and down the isles and Dalton will start screaming and man is it embarrising! My older boys fight alot also and have started hitting lately:~( Thats when I wanna call in nanny 911, lol. Most people can understand but it doesnt make it any less embarressing:~(

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
I think the parents with kids understand, it's the other people who look at you weird.  Yeah, just wait and see when you become a mother how hard it is.

296076 tn?1371334474
by melimeli, Jul 02, 2010
read parenting toddlers with love and logic it is great and an easy read

http://www.amazon.com/Toddlers-Preschoolers-Parenting-Childhood-Months/dp/1930429282

really a must read for parents!!!

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
I will take a look, thanks meli.

127529 tn?1331840780
by mum2beagain, Jul 02, 2010
You did a great job. It's all normal behavior for a toddler. Children have to learn that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior, you did the right thing by leaving and sitting him on the ground. And any one with children will have been through the exact same thing at some time or other so no need to be embarrassed. And for any one else who would dare to comment to me I would tell them that the best parents in the world are those that don't have any children yet!

A stern "no" worked well with my first but I found with my second son was that raising my voice seemed to make him tantrum worse. So I did the opposite; I would remove him from the situation and tell him he made mummy very sad with his behavior and that if he wanted to do fun things he had to make sure he did as mummy asked. I would really big up the sad face, he hates to see me sad an so I tell him that behaving as I have asked him too will make me happy again. I give him lots of praise when he does make me happy.

In our house we talk about "consequences" rather than rewards and punishments. My older son's behavioral therapist advised us to do this, the words "punish" and "reward" bring about negative and positive implications. The word "consequence" works both ways. Good behaviors bring about good consequences...longer time at the park, a drink and a snack on the way home for example. Negative behaviors bring about negative consequences...our trip to the park is cut short and we don't stop for a drink and snack on the way home.

If you can try to explain things before you go too, we find this helps. My first son loves to go on the water slide at our local pool but it isn't always open, we try and warn him before hand that he will not be able to go on the slide. He has autism and has some wild tantrums at times so it is always helpful to try and prepare him before rather than deal with the tantrum when we get there!

Hey we all have to do our best, once I totally lost my rag and spanked my oldest son really hard, I don't know who cried most, him or me. I was ashamed that I had let my anger take over but once things had calmed down I apologized and told him I was sorry and that he made mummy really angry but I was wrong to hit him for that.

All we can do is our best, what works for one kid won't necessarily work for the next, most of the time we are just figuring things out as we go along and teach our kids respect for us and one another. These are the easy years I guess. I know friends with teenagers, life get much more complicated then LOL!

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
I like the consequences part.  I just felt so bad that I made him leave after only 20 minutes but he has to learn right?  I feel guilty for everything...lol.  Guess that's part of being a mom.  

127529 tn?1331840780
by mum2beagain, Jul 02, 2010
Too right he has to learn! It was a perfectly natural consequence to that kind of behavior.
You don't behave at the park, we leave.

Other examples we use;

Act silly at the dinner table; meal is over. Nothing else until the next scheduled meal or snack. Use your manners you get to stay at the table and enjoy dessert with every one else.

Use inappropriate language; we don't want to listen to you, you sit on the chair in the other room until you are ready to use appropriate language. Use good language and we will listen to you and take time to talk with you.

And so on. Notice there are no "punishments".

As adults if some one was talking to us inappropriately we would tell them so and not continue to listen; we wouldn't hit them or put soap in their mouths!
If an adult was behaving inappropriately at a restaurant they would be quietly asked to behave or leave.The manager is unlikely to come over and shout at them or smack a hand LOL!

I believe as a parent it is my job to teach my kids to become adults, I try to thing about real life natural consequences and use those to explain to my kids why we have to behave in a way that is expected.

My youngest is 3 and a half now but we still used the same kind of methods when he was 2, we just kept it simpler and used language that he could understand.

Specialmom's point is a great one too. Choices work great for us. I give my sons a couple of choices (either of which I would be happy with!) so they feel like they have some control in the decisions made in their lives. Beware of open ended choices though. I once asked my youngest "what do you want for breakfast?" and was told he wanted pizza...Um well no was the answer but then that probably wasn't fair as I did ask him what he wanted! Now I am careful to say "would you like cereal or waffles for breakfast?"!

Don't feel guilty about teaching your son good behavior!




145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
Pizza...lol.  I think the smacking of the hand is a natural instinctual reaction but I notice it doesn't get me any where just makes me feel guilty when he looks up at me with the sad face and says "that hurt mommy"....ugh!  That kills me, so I've been trying my hardest to curb that.  My son has been on the bad language kick..."oh sh!t" is his favorite word.  He sang it yesterday over and over as if it was a song.  Our house is filled with sailors...lol.  We are the king and queens of bad words, so that's a new challenge for us.  

You forget that they pick up everything.

1303813 tn?1303159362
by Cassandrajane, Jul 02, 2010
You dont wanna lock him in his room when he has been naughty because then he wont associate his room with bed time anymore... So at home use a naught spot. Not in their rooms because then it will be harder to put them to bed when they are older if that makes sense??

But you are doing a wonderful jobby :)
Every child has to learn and some parents do it differently and you are doing a good job. I am the one who does the discipline in the house not my mum! It really annoys me.


x

184342 tn?1282588750
by tatorbug40, Jul 02, 2010
Colt is the same exact way-  Taylor was never as bad as Colt is-  I would describle Colt and our relationship the same way you did in your top post...  and I try to handle things the same way too...  and I am very frustrated too...  he is not like that with Tommy, at all-  and I spank him,  I put him in time out, I take away stuff...  same as Tommy-  but he hits me, scratches me-  Tommy has been working on him to be nicer to mommy-  and to top it off he is like attached to me...  he is the biggest freaking mommas boy...  it is exactly like stewy from family guy....  :)  I just keep hoping we are teaching him the right stuff and eventually he will grow out of it and start to show a little respect!


145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
Oh yes, Jay is always right by my side.  Super affectionate but such a terror at the same time.  It's exhausting.  I love it when he's good and I want to hang myself when he's bad.  It's like Jekyl and Hyde personality.

127529 tn?1331840780
by mum2beagain, Jul 02, 2010
Oh, I know. I've smacked a hand or two before now but it just ended up with me getting hit back so I had to re think that one! Like you say, you learn and adjust as you go along. It is all you can do.

Kids really do pick everything up; I have heard my kids repeat a few choice words now and then too, oops!
My youngest is so funny, one of my cats was walking along the railing of a second story deck of our house I and muttered to myself that stupid cat is going to break it's furry little neck. Now Sam can often be heard yelling at the cats at the top of his voice in the yard; "You will break your furry necks!"

For every tantrum there is an even cuter moment, good job; it is what makes me smile at night as I watch them sound asleep in their beds.

184342 tn?1282588750
by tatorbug40, Jul 02, 2010
boys.  men...  I just don't get any of them!  lol

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 02, 2010
I think boys have to be tougher than the girls.  My mom blames testosterone as the culprit...lol.  She said I was never like that, I was very well behaved.  Only once did she have to get really nasty with me, for the most part I was a good kid.  Now Richie on the other hand, total devil child.  I felt bad for his mom for sure.  He would always come home injured.  This poor woman went through hell and back with him.  I don't deserve it though...haha.

184342 tn?1282588750
by tatorbug40, Jul 02, 2010
mum:  that cat story is TOO funny!  

and of course you smile when they are sound asleep-  they ARE SOUND ASLEEP!!  I smile then too!!  ha ha...  kidding!  

The good does out weigh the bad...  this morning Colt got up before I left,  usually doesn't happen now that its summer...  I leave early and tommy stays home with them...  but he came down and asked where I was going,  I said "to work" and he said (having just been to my work yesterday to bring lunch to everyone and he met all my "friends").. so he said "oh,  you gonna go play with your friends?"  it was too cute.

Avatar universal
by nikki787, Jul 02, 2010
My 26 month old daughter has changed this last few weeks.  What's happened to the little girl who so desperately wanted to please mummy and fed off praise!?  Now all I hear is 'no'.  If she can't get her way she hits out at me and bangs her head on the floor when i tell her off - then wants sympathy for hurting her head!!!  The only thing that works for me is distraction, ignoring and telling her she has hurt mummy when she hits me.  After a minute or two we have a cuddle and the whole thing's forgotten.  This works for now anyway..... What I do know is that there is no reasoning with a 2 year old.  If you say no, mean it and follow all threats through.  If she's not allowed in the swimming pool, she's not allowed to just dip her hand in either.  

996699 tn?1447229881
by raquelplus2, Jul 02, 2010
jezi ur story reminds me of when allie was 2 and a few months i member anth me baby landon allie n jack went to mall during xmas time. we went into my then fav store pottery barn kids. looked round bought gifts n of coarse allies thrilled playn in all thyr set up toys n kitchens we let her play 4 alil thn i tol her we gota go nope!! she tol meno she wsnt leavn i grabbd her hand n she threw a fit screaming n crying litterly kickn throwin a fit draggn herself talkn back calln me a stupid bug!! n that was it i ws sooooo embaressd note this mall is a rich mall ok upper scottsdale if u will...mortified i hew her ovr my shldr kickn screaming  talkn back i took hr to br n she was still havn a melt dwn...i jus membered i beggd her 2 stop n sh said no no no!! anth was always a softy wt allie lol...anyway hm jack n baby landon walkdout the store lol nice huh?? so its perfectly normal but in those situations ur like embaressd mortified dk wat  2 do it sux  lol

996699 tn?1447229881
by raquelplus2, Jul 03, 2010
btw DAM u r sooooo lucky its col there!!!! i evy u !!! lol were at 115 now :s an it aint nice fun enjoyable at all....lol

719902 tn?1334165183
by jenkaye21, Jul 03, 2010
You did great, and I didn't read thru all of the above posts, so I apologize if I am repeating someone.  I would've done exactly what you did, although I do also spank for really bad behavior.  (I try not to spank for hitting, since I agree that is counterproductive, but for something like running from me, telling me NO, things that could be dangerous, etc, I spank.)
I just wanted to add that the next time you go, remind Jayden of what happened last time.  "Remeber last time we were here and you didn't listen to Mommy?  What happened?  We had to leave, didn't we?  So if you want to stay today, have have to listen to Mommy.  OK??" ...  It is amazing what a 2 y/o remembers, and they CAN make those connections.  Good luck!!  My now 4 y/o was a really defiant 2-3 y/o, always telling me NO, hitting me and even his babysitter, speaking to me SO disrespectfully, it was awful, like you wouldn't even think a 3 y/o would know HOW to be so disrepectful!  But by being firm with the rules and consistent with punishments (plus the fact that he is older now) he has changed so much.

Avatar universal
by babyscience, Jul 03, 2010
Wow...so you are living in my world!  I love my kid to death, but dang he is difficult sometimes!!!!  He is really into talking back.  The best one yet is, I told him he needs to go get his shoes...he turns and looks at me and says....."DONT YELL AT ME MAMA, I AM HAPPY WWWRRIIIGHTT NOWWWW, AND I DONT WANT TO BE MEAN AND I DONT WANT TO YELLLLLL!"  Haha, as he is yelling and pointing at me.  I have also had to drag him out of many situations kicking and screaming.  I hate the people who have to comment, "Oh it looks like someone is unhappy!"
I just always try to stay consistent and I have to take breaks from him when he is like that because I get to frustrated.

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 06, 2010
Ah, the joys of parenting.  So far we had a very uneventful weekend.  That's all I hope for nowadays, uneventful...lol.

377493 tn?1356502149
by adgal, Jul 06, 2010
I didn't read through everything, but personally I think you did great!  You told him what would happen if he didn't listen, and then you followed through. You also basically ignored the tantrum.....I hope I keep it as together as you did when Ryder gets older and starts on this stuff.  Your a great mom hon.  My only experience with this so far is my nephews, and I see how frustrating it can be.  I suspect they all go through it.  

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 06, 2010
Oh man, frustration is the word.  I never really ever had much patience and I find myself seriously lacking sometimes with Jay.  I guess we can only do our best.

377493 tn?1356502149
by adgal, Jul 06, 2010
Just read BabyScience's comments and had to smile.  Don't you just love the comments like she mentioned, from total strangers?  "He's unhappy right now"...do you think??? lol.  My new favorite saying is that I was the perfect parent..until I actually had a child.  lol.

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 06, 2010
Oh yeah, I was totally the one looking at the out of control children and wondering why the parents couldn't control them.  Now I understand...lol.

Avatar universal
by pertykitty, Jul 06, 2010
sounds like my addy lol.  she is telling me no and shut up and shhhh.  she smacks my face,then kisses it thinking it will keep her from getting into trouble lol.

we go to many dr appts lately with macy and i have had to take addy with me occationally. the other day at the physical therapists office she was a stinker not listening.  i wanted to smack her @ss so bad lol.  the therapist said she couldnt tell i was frustrated and i told her i felt like elaine on the sienfeld episode where she is stuck on a subway and in her head she is screaming haha.  

you did a great job. i find with addison its consistancy and time outs that really help.  empty threats of leaving or taking things away that arent followed through will show them you dnot mean business.  

there comes a time where all kids act like stinkers.  try to remember it wont last forever lol.  sure people will gawk and whisper and whatever, just **** look at anyone.  keep your eyes and mind focused on your son.  

my son will be 12 on the 11th and now i have the smart mouthed pre teen that thinks im an idiot lol.  if it isnt one thing its another.  i just laugh now and remind myself that life has short moments of rough patches and then you get the icing on the cake again till the next one lol.

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 06, 2010
I thought the waking up every 2 hours is bad but it's when the non-stop talking occurs that drives me bonkers.  

1035252 tn?1427227833
by Ashelen, Jul 06, 2010
I think you did exactly the right thing...Kahlan does the same kind of thing when she has a meltdown, and I do the same thing you did. It's a little trickier when she starts kicking and getting physical because I've got a gigantic belly to protect at the moment (I've been pregnant since she was 13 months old so I have no idea what she's going to think when mommy miraculously can play on the floor with her and roll around and rough house all of a sudden...but anyway) and I guess I'm a rock because it doesn't phase me even one bit when she starts the meltdown. I just pick her up, put her in the car, and head home. I've seen my SIL freak out when her son melts down but I guess I'm really good at letting things blow over because it doesn't bother me. If i was being mean and she was getting upset because I was being unfair I think it would definitely bother me to see her so upset...but because I'm doing exactly what she knows to expect "if you act up, we're leaving" it really doesn't bother me.

the ONLY time her "toddlerness" can shake me is at bedtime...when we're all tired and cranky and she doesn't want to go down (most nights she's great but every once in awhile she gets a wild hair and bedtime becomes bedmarathon)...then I become the hair-tearing, screaming, off-the-walls frustrated mom, lol. And I'll admit to a personal meltdown over some cheerio throwing the other morning...but I AM 38wks pregnant, I deserve a little bit of a break LOL.

but you did just right...I just tell myself that it won't be like this forever and while I may not miss the meltdowns, I'll miss everything else that comes with the toddler stage. Just don't let it phase you and remember that his actions brought about the consequences, you're not just being needlessly cruel.

Oh and by the way I agree that they understand...I know Jay's a little older than Kahlan, but when Kahlan has a meltdown and we have to leave somewhere, within 5-10 minutes I hear from the backseat "I good now. Go splash/play/jump/run??" (insert appropriate verb, lol)...or sometimes I hear a very plaintive and heart-felt "I sorry...". So i know she connects her good behavior with a reward and wants me to recognize that she's put it together...so I usually substitute another fun activity for the one we had to nix, such as "Well Mommy is proud that you're being good now, would you like to go home and color?".

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 06, 2010
I got the "playground" and pointing...like he knows he wants to go back.  But it's a definite no.  I will go home and we will eat an icee or something.

1035252 tn?1427227833
by Ashelen, Jul 06, 2010
they sure know how to tug at the heart-strings, don't they?

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jul 06, 2010
Yes they do...friggin kids.

404138 tn?1308941656
by AnxiousGurl, Jul 07, 2010
Next time you could give him a choice.... "You can either go play over there on the playground or we can go home"  Make the other choice sound VERY exciting..... example "I can push you really high on the swings, but you have to listen to mommy's words" Always make sure you bend down to his level and look him in the eye.

Explain to him WHY you are telling him no. He probably felt that you were just trying to be bossy, so he said oh well i'll show her who's boss!

You could say for example  "I said no because it's a little chilly outside and mommy doesn't want you to get sick, but we can come back another day when its warm out and you can play in the water!" Or just straight to the point "Today it's a little chilly out, mommy doesn't want you to get sick"

It's always better to say "LETS go do this" rather than "NO YOU CANT"

Your son loves the water.....so next time say "When we get home mommy will let you play in the sink with water soap & bubbles!"

Whenever he acts out .....try your best to ignore it..only give him positive attention when he's good.....acknowledge when he's good!  When you focus on the negative behavior, so will he....when you focus on the positive he will try to be good.

Make sure when you say no......no means NO. You know how many parents say NO and then give in to whatever the kid wants.......stay consistent!  He will no doubt test you......but remain patient and calm, when you are hot headed and tense and yelling, he will react in the same way!


When he hits you, look him in the eye and tell him " That is NOT okay, that really hurt me"
Kids don't always realize that you have feelings too.

If he hits you don't do it back, he will only learn that hitting is okay.....if he sees that your ignoring it he will stop.


Thats all I can think of right now........I went to school for this so they taught me some techniques that actually worked, but remember to  BE FIRM ( don't scream or yell, just use a strong firm voice) Be patient (In time he will get it) Be consistent (use the same techniques put your foot down and never give in, but do give him choices, make them sound exciting) You want to redirect his behavior so say "Lets go over there and play in the sand box, I wonder what you could build"

I think you did a good job & did the best you know how! Good luck girl..i know I got a lil boy on the way and its not gonna be easy but thank god I went to school to be an early childhood teacher....it really taught me alot.

Hope this helps :)



Avatar universal
by lovemykids465, Jul 07, 2010
Just read your post. Had to laugh. I remember those days and honestly I long for them back now instead of dealing with a 16 year old saying she is with one friend to find out with another group of kids who she knows I would not allow her to be with. The joys of parenting. I know I always seem to have a book to suggest for many situations. I think that is b/c of working in the field I do ( a receptionist at a counseling center and run a food pantry at our church). But Dr. Kevin Lehmen's book " have a new kid by Friday" is great. Wish It was out when my kids were toddlers b/c I would have done things much differently. Try it. If you can not find it let me know I have it.

Post a Comment