All Journal Entries Journals

Making Decisions Has Been Impossible

Jul 05, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

Bipolar

,

decisions

,

Pain

,

Weight

,

chronic

,

cough

,

Exercise

,

child

,

Back pain

,

Low back pain

,

Joint Pain

,

vacation

,

noise

,

crowds

,

Chronic Pain

,

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

,

Love



I'm in Wilmington, NC visiting my son and grand kids.  I'm out of the comfort of my little cracker box room in my alzheimer parents house where I'm  a caregiver.  At home I felt safe - no noise, no average decision making, and no crowds.   Here, I'm experience noise that triggers my bipolar, and the crowds are out of control. I'm also experiencing children, their cries, and temper dantrums.

After a few days of having my grand kids close I had to tell my son, I have to be alone.  I need my alone time with quietness.  He didn't seem to understand that.  There were times when he didn't understand my moods he would get frustrated and I would get more frustrated.  I finally said "You need to read about Bipolar.  I can react and over react to certain situations.  One of them is not understanding how I'm feeling and what can happen.  

I'm having the most aweful pains in my legs and back.  It's hard to sit town without experiencing pain and tightness.  Especially in back of my knees and joints.  I couldn't even step down in the pool without holding on to something.  I couldn't even climb out.  I've had more exercise in the last 5 days then I've had in a year.  I don't know if it's the extra weight or something else.  Plus, I've had this chronic cough at night that wakes me up. I don't know what it is.

I mean I've been in pain.  I wanted someone to feel for me, comfort me, ask if there is anything they can do.

Decision making - has been a big chore. When I'm asked what do you want to do, or where do you want to eat - I get stressed.  I don't know at that moment of questioning what I want to do. Usually it takes a nights sleep to decide what to do.  This seems to bother people.

I only have a few days here and I'm going to try and enjoy myself.  I told my son that I need alone time and enjoy the place I'm staying at.  I wanted to write, which is the best therapy for me.  I didn't want to have to listen to loud noises, crowds - just the comfort of my room over looking the ocean.

Whoever?  Thanks for listening


Post a Comment