so thankfull

Jul 07, 2010 - 0 comments
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crazy



I am feeling very thankfull right now.  I am not sure why.  I am exhausted and rather angry with the world right now because I have been in super high breakthru pain state since I LEANED OVER TO TURN DOWN THE VOLUME. last night at 10. So not cool of my body to do that to me.  Especially when people are here and I am barely holding on pain wise as it is.
I felt so bad last night.  we had planned for them to come over yesterday for like 2 weeks, and I felt so gross, I only slept 2 hours the night before that. (BTW I hate my Dr. and the insurance company for not approving the medications my Dr. prescribed to me for 2 weeks.  Forcing me to use the samples in the Dr. office and keep their little drug dealing game going for them.  
  It makes me feel like they OWN me.  make no mistake that giant box of bottles is as effective a ball and chain as there ever was.  I feel like the pharma companies are just Giant drug dealers, but they get payed like 400 times more than any drug dealer I have ever known in my life.  Now granted I have not known many, but still...

but I digress from my rant on the evil pushers that wrap their poison in fluffy clouds and call in (better-ify)

but anyway

so, I feel like I freaked my friend out because I was all "painbrainy" and loud and jumpy and general full of adrenaline.
I have no way to explain to people that I can actually see the flash of frustration across their faces when I am like that.
They don't understand I cannot be a friend to them and be on enough meds to make that go away.  I go away when I am on enough meds to do that.  And quite frankly, adding a new 90 dollar script every few months isn't really my thang.  there is a reason I didn't know a lot of drug dealers in my life.
Who wants to take handfulls of ouchy to the tummy and general state of being pills everyday, like 6 times a day? any takers?? no, yeah, didn't think so.

you know what the difference between medicine and poison is?

not much.

But back to being thankful.  I am so glad I discovered this medhealth.  There are actually real people in chronic pain here, not just people trying to troll your posts to get info to drug seek.  This is the first online place I have found where I have found so many people's posts that make me think, "OMG, maybe I am not as crazy from this as I thought I was"
for that I am
SO THANKFUL
So thank you guys!

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