Aug 11, 2008
I don't know exactly what to write tonight, but this forum has become more and more important to me. Writing things out must be helping and I'm finding a ton of comfort or something reading other's posts and hearing from people. I went ot see my ex-husband tonight. It was kind of impulsive. I wrote him a heartfelt letter about how sorry I am for screwing up our marriage. My depression, irritability, and impulsiveness, etc. wrecked me as a wife. He didn't say anything about my letter but we did visit for a couple of hours. He seems to be seeing someone and that has me upset. I think I wanted to go over there because I'm so upset about my friend Mike and his dying mom. I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling, but I'm feeling lousy. I talked to Mike this evening and he sounded terrible. His voice was just raw. I don't know if he'd been crying or not. He asked me to call him later but we talked for a couple of minutes. At first I thought he asked me to come over and I was practically out the door, until he clarified that he didn't want that. I offered to go to his house and get some of his clothes for him but he said no, he probably didn't need that. And he didn't want me to come over because he couldn't stand to be around people. She is unresponsive and he said they are just waiting for her to stop breathing. I feel terrible, terrible for him. He said my phone msgs and txts were good so I'll keep doing that. I'm going to stay ready to babysit his autistic nephew. God I don't know what to do for him and I want to do everything. My dad just died last Oct. so I have some experience with the hospice/slow death scene. And it's bringing up a lot of memories. I can't remember feeling like this before.