Jul 15, 2010
Having kind of a bad evening - not as bad as I'm sure I COULD have, but not the best anyway.
I'm involved with someone that, I sometimes get the feeling doesn't feel the same way about me that I do about him - and right now is one of those times. Most of the time, I really enjoy the relationship b/c we don't live together, and I have plenty of "me" time (I'm so independent, that sometimes, it can be a problem). Today is one of those days I don't want to be by myself (I think - trying to figure that out), and it just feels like he could care less - he could have seen me last night, but I was busy, and now, today, vice versa - I'm probably over-reacting, or am tired, or hormonal or something, and am trying hard to figure out what exactly it is that is bothering me, before I go off on him (which, yes, I've done, for absolutely no reason, I realize later)...it ***** being a girl!!!
Blah, blah, blah - I cooked myself some dinner (I'm an EXCELLENT cook) and am watching TV, trying to chill out. I do counted cross stitch projects, and have one that needs attention, so I will try to pick it up. I think I am tired - it was 100 degrees today - supposed to be that way through Saturday...and work has been pulling me in 4 directions at once - maybe I am tired.
I'm really glad I'm sober to try to deal with my (girly) feelings - only 6 weeks ago, I didn't want to spend time with him b/c he was interrupting my time with my drugs...and I fully acknowledge this now, and the drugs (almost) won - actually things have been really good between my guy and I since the incident (yes, he knows about the overdose). It's got to be me (mostly).
I have 41 days clean - I have no intention of going back to how I was before - I've found that the good days are GREAT, and the not so good days - they PASS - so I'm learning to enjoy the good days better and more than before. Nothing is worth going back to how I was before. NOTHING.
Men are interesting creatures - we women can't live without you, and we can't kill you!!! LOLOLOL