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Jul 23, 2010 - 9 comments

Yesterday my best friend's mother lost her battle to cancer.  My friend is only 35 and I know that watching her mother die the way she did and seeing her suffer the way that she did, was very difficult for my friend.  I am so glad that she is not suffering anymore here on earth with us.  I am glad she is not in pain.  I am glad that she will see her parents up in heaven.  She was really looking forward to this....I am, however, so very sorry for my friend.  I literally feel her pain right now and want to help her, but I don't know how.  I know I can't do anything to take her pain away.  I feel so very helpless.  I haven't been able to sleep the last couple of nights.  I will drift off and then when my baby wakes me, I just can't seem to stop thinking of my friend and her mom....then I can't go back to sleep.  I know this certainly isn't about me.  I am just rambling really so please just bare w/ me.

When I was at the tender age of 17, I feared I was pregnant.  (My best friend and I met when we were 14 so we have been friends for 21 years)  Anyway, I was very scared of being pregnant but even more afraid of the prospect of having to tell my parents.  I was a senior in high school.  My best friend and I was driving and smoking a cigarette.  I told my friend that she needed to put out her cigarette because it was making me sick.  My friend looked at me and said, "Uh ARE pregnant."  So when we got back to her house, we pulled her mom into another room and told her that I might be pregnant.  The following morning, I got up and went to my friend's house.  Her mom took me to a neighboring town to a clinic so I could get tested.  They were closed.  It was over the Christmas Holidays.  So we went by a pharmacy and bought a test.  I went back to my friend's house and did the test but just couldn't bring myself to look at it.  So my friend's mom went in the bathroom for me and looked.  Sure enough, I was pregnant.  He is now nearly 17.  I just wanted to tell this story in her memory.  I will never forget that.  She was there for me a lot; when I was a teenager and after.  I remember her giving my current husband a thumbs up when we were dating.  She was more like a friend than a mom.  I saw her about a month and a half ago but only briefly.  There were lots of people around.  Before then, I hadn't seen her in a while, but we were once very close and I have always held her in my heart.

I saw her only about an hour before she actually passed.  Thank you God for that opportunity.  It was very hard to see her the way I did.  She was not awake and on moraphine (sp??) every hour on the hour.  I got there around 10:00 a.m.  Somewhere around noon, the hospice nurse came.  He came and told us that he thought it would probably be today, meaning Wed.  He told us to say our good-byes.  He said for us to talk to her.  That she could hear us and we should let her know that it is okay for her to go.  So that is what we all did.  I went in w/ my friend and cried and touched her shoulder.  Her breathing began slowing down some but she was still breathing.  I kissed her forehead and left.  I left at around 1.  I didn't want to but I had an appointment for one of my girls so I had to.  I text my friend at 2:45 p.m. to check on her.  Her response was "She's gone."  I was at the dr. office paying and I just gasped.  I was in such a daze that I could hardly function.  Just kept zoning in and out.  Don't really know where I am going with this.  I really am just typing very randomly as I keep going over this in my head so forgive me for misspellings and even if something doesn't make sense.  Very possible.....

Before I went over there I told my husband that I really wanted to get something for her but didn't know what.  I mean I couldn't bring food and she certainly didn't need any possessions at this time and my husband said to say a prayer for her while I was there.  He said there was no better gift than usually consider myself the brains in this outfit but he was certainly the brains that day.  I was just really not thinking very clearly I guess.  So I went to a Catholic book store and bought my friend what is called a clingling cross w/ a beautiful prayer in it.  I bought her mom a necklace.  She is being buried with it and that makes me happy.  And I bought her dad necklace.  Wish I could do more but I do hope that this will give some peace and comfort....

If you ever hear that song "Crying for Me" by Toby Keith, please think of my friend and her mom.  She loved Toby and of course, really loved this song.  When I saw her a month and a half ago, they were playing this song and all 6 of her kids were hugging her and crying and it was just really painful to watch.  I have it playing as I write this and it hurts really bad, but it's theraputic also because it helps me to let out the hurt.  I want to be strong for my friend.

The viewing is tomorrow from 4-9 and the service is on Sat. at 10:00 a.m.  Please keep my friend and her family in yours prayers.  They REALLY need them right now.  I just can't express how much.  This is a dysfunctional family at best and without her here, I don't know what will become of them.

Thank you for listening to my very disorganized journal.  Thank you for your prayers.  We just really need them.  THEY just really need them.

And if you can think of anything that I can do to help my friend, please tell me.  I have text her and told I am here if she needs me and she thanks me but I don't want to smother her.  I want to give her her space but I just don't want her to forget that I am here; even at 3 in the morning.

Again, thanks for listening.....God Bless......

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107366 tn?1305680375
by gah_70, Jul 23, 2010
I came across your journal, and even though I don't "know" you, I wanted to tell you how touched I am by this.  It's obvious you loved this woman, and she loved you back.  She was there for you at a time you needed her, and things like that stick with you forever.  I will pray for all involved...that they find peace and comfort.  

In the weeks to come, the friends and family that surround people when a death occurs will slowly go back to their own lives.  All of the pomp and circumstance fades away, and your friend won't have the constant presence of so many other people.  She's been your friend for years, and you don't have to buy material things to show her you care.  Instead, if you want to do something special for your friend, take her to lunch, or shopping, or spend and afternoon talking over a glass of iced tea.  The loss may be hitting her hard by that time, and just being there to offer your shoulder would probably mean more than anything else you could do.

Her loss is hard for you, too, so even though you say this is not about you, don't forget to take care of yourself and let yourself mourn.  You'll be better able to take care of your friend if you allow yourself that time.  Take care, and God bless.


458072 tn?1291415186
by peggy64, Jul 23, 2010
I am sorry for the loss your friend has suffered, and now you are suffering watching your friend grieving. The best gift you can give you friend is to just be there for her, no words are necessary. Sometimes words just irritate us in that kind of moment, so just pray for her and sit with her.

Prayer is the best gift we can give anyone.

It is in our human nature to try to fix everything, but, I would recommend you to not try to fix this, or feel like you have to take away her pain. it will make both of you miserable. This can't be fixed, it has to be endured.  

Your friend is truly blessed to have a friend that cares so much for her.

1303813 tn?1303159362
by Cassandrajane, Jul 23, 2010
I know what its like to lose a family member to Cancer. Its horrible! I am currently going through what your friend is going through, but not with Cancer or my mum...
My boyfriends Nan has been ill for sometime now. Even thought she is horrible and stubborn, she is still his Nan, and its killing me watching him go through this hurt and regret of not seeing her more, and he does want her alive for when our little one is born, But she doesnt remember who I am. And she didnt know him yesterday either, he just broke down!

Personally the best thing to do is pray for you and for her because there is no item we / you can give to make everything better, because she will only want her mum, thats the only possession she would want... Well not possession, I just didnt want to say 'thing'.

She and you need a Hug, and a shoulder.

Are you reading something at the funeral. I bet you were more like a Daughter than a friend to her... and she loves you, and you're like a sister than a friend to your friend.

Just pray, and give her a huggle!
and tell her 'Everything is going to be Okay'


'Don't Cry Because It's Over, Smile Because It Happened'


287246 tn?1318570063
by Michele, Katy, TX, Jul 23, 2010
Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.....You really have no idea how much that means.  I know that I can always count on MH members for prayers.......

203342 tn?1328737207
by April2, Jul 23, 2010
What a touching story and such a testimony of your friend's mother. Can I make a suggestion? Tell your story at the funeral (with your friend's permission, of course). It will bless everyone there.
At my grandmother's funeral the pastor asked anyone to stand up who wanted to share their own personal rememberance of her. I stood up and shakily started telling what she meant to me and what stood out in my memory. Afterward, my sister told me she had forgotten that story of when we were little. Watching others share touched us all and helped us to see how many people she really had touched.

Your friend's mother sounds like she was a very special woman (like my grandma). I know you will always treasure and remember her life and what she meant to you.

My prayers go with you. May God be very close over these next few days and comfort you and her family.  God bless.

349463 tn?1333571576
by NicMom, Jul 23, 2010
Prayers for you, your friend, and her family.


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by boldsojah4christ, Jul 23, 2010
Amen my prayers go out 2u & ur friends family! GOD bless;)

287246 tn?1318570063
by Michele, Katy, TX, Jul 23, 2010
Thank you all......

458072 tn?1291415186
by peggy64, Jul 23, 2010
Michele, when this is all behind you, would you please give us a report of Gods faithfulness in all this? I do like to hear testimony of how He worked in such times to bear us up and see us through.

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