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im devastated

Jul 26, 2010 - 23 comments

ok so here goes, my husband called me from work to tell me he doesn't want this baby. Im still shaking and can't stop crying, i don't know what to do.

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Avatar universal
by leanne95, Jul 26, 2010
WHAT! how can he say that to you, im shocked, whats made him suddenly come out with such a horrid thing, how was he when you 1st found out and told him? I really cant beleve any husband would say such a thing, especialy over the phone as well. thats discraceful, how dare he.

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by natashajay, Jul 26, 2010
its awful, ive wanted a baby since #3 who is now 4 but ive never said anything even tho deep iside ive literally been dying, we had a bit of a blip marriage wise at xmas but councilling showed the errors of his ways and he's been loving ever since. Then i fell pg and miscarried after a night away with him, our first in 4 years and even tho i was devastated i didn't say lets try again, he was the one who said it. anyhow here i am almost 8 wks into pg and he told a friend yesturday that he wants the snip, i said i didn't want him to have it done, that this was our last anyway and as ive a cyst, it'd be better if i had an implant or something, he was happy with that as he didn't want the snip really...too painful then i get that call just a while ago....what do i do?

Avatar universal
by leanne95, Jul 26, 2010
I really dont know what to say to help you feel any better. i just cant get over the fact that hes said that, i had to read your entry over and over again cos i thought i was reading it wrong.
so he was the one who sugest trying again, waits weeks till youve had your scan and are almost 8 weeks, then cowerdly calls you to say he dont want that tiny preciouse little baby growing inside you no more. it dont make sence - that from noware he would say such a thing, you both had a wonderfull evening the other night and now this. has he ever gave you any inckling befor now that he posibly wouldnt want it? how are things at his work? (he hasnt lost his job or anything and is panicking about how he could afford it now.) i cant think of any reasion why or where this would come from, did he say anything elce? there has to be a reasion, something must of brought it on, have you had an argument and hes just trying to say something hurtful to you to get at you? oh hunny im sending you the BIGEST HUG x

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by natashajay, Jul 26, 2010
i really don't know, works fine and yes he's always said he didn't want a baby and to be perfectly truthful when i fell pg after our night out i said and i went out and bought the morning after pill, he wasn't happy that i had. then when i miscarried he was quiet, i said it was ok and for the best, after all he didn't want anymore but he was the one who said lets try again and he said he knew how much i wanted one and he wouldn't mind one more. i said if it happened it would be one more, after all we have our home almost compete, ive a busy life with the children and despite having a babysitter and thats something quite new for us we both realise that this had to be the last so that we can enjoy us as well. we haven't rowed or anything, infact he was quite TMI ALERT passionate this morning and then this.

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by Amanda999, Jul 26, 2010
I'm so sorry to hear that hun,it's not something you want to hear at 8 weeks pregnant. How do you feel do you still want to keep the baby even though he's said he doesn't? Is there a chance he could be scared? After the last miscarriage he could be thinking it's gonna happen again and is too scared to admit that he wants the baby? Hope everything works out for you, sending you hugs x

Avatar universal
by leanne95, Jul 26, 2010
even if initally he didnt want any more, he still sugested it and went it to it with his eyes open. it took 2 to make this baby and he was willing. even if he has had douts he shouldnt of came out with it blaitently like that, especialy to you, he could of confided in a friend and left it at that. he's had no thought on how hes made you feel. and its a little to lait now for him to be thinking this way - he should of thought it through thouroughly befor he deposited his load!, i hope he isnt making you think of not continuing this pregnancy, you need to think about yourself, sod what he thinks. you must love this little baby inside you already, please dont let him make you have any silly thought. its here now and he'll just need to bloody well get on with it. its his issue, (stupid man)-(sorry) im so cross with him. talk to him tonight after work when the kids go to bed, find out what or why hes thinking like this, especialy when things were obviusly fine thismorning. theres got to be something behind it. xxx (wish i could be more help but im totally gob smacked he'd say this) xxx

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by natashajay, Jul 26, 2010
thank you so much for listening, i was so sad and scared thats why i journelled it, im thinking i might have to end this pregnancy, yep i can't belivev ive said that. you are right i love this baby soooo much and i don't know what to do, but i can't envisage having this baby and having 3 children if he leaves me. i still have the morning after pill i could take that. oh god what am i saying? im sorry .

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by Amanda999, Jul 26, 2010
What ever you decide i think you should take a few days/weeks to think about it and talk through it properly with your husband, if you make a drastic decision now it could end up being the wrong one. You've got till your 11-12 weeks to make a decision. It must be hard for you to think straight, decide what you want and what would be best for you and your kids. If you already love this baby it might be too hard for you to get rid of it, i know once you love someone you can't let go.  x

Avatar universal
by leanne95, Jul 26, 2010
DONT YOU DARE TAKE THAT. please dont let him do this to you. there are tons of mummys out there who manage with 4 kids or more on their own (and it probably wont come to that anyway) i know the thought of it is scarry but you'd find away, if you got rid of this baby it would affect you mentally for a long time, and then you wouldnt be giving 100% to your other children. if you do end up really concidering taking this route please speak to your doctor first, they will give you counceling 1st to help prepare you and to see if it was definatly 100% what you really wanted. do not take that pill, your way to far in to the pregnancy for that one. talk to him tonight, but he dont sound worth loosing your baby over. you'd never forgive him. (or yourself maybe) dont do anything drastic yet. talk to him, and your gp if your still concidering it after that - but just look at that picture of that little astonaught, x

Avatar universal
by leanne95, Jul 26, 2010
just dont take that morning after pill, 8 weeks is to far on. speak to your g.p if its what you end up deciding, you need to be prepared. i think even the abortion pill is only up to 9 weeks. make sure its what YOU want first. x x x

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by Ivy95, Jul 26, 2010
PLEASE for your own sake, do what YOU want to do.  Do NOT let him bully you or make you feel bad in any way.  It takes two to tango, so to speak. I would suggest announcing to family that you are pregnant, this way he cannot make you do anything!

Good luck.  Best of wishes to you.


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by rbohl01, Jul 26, 2010
Don't you dare take that pill sweetie. IF you do you will end up resenting your husband for the rest of your life. What kind of marriage would that be? This is just awful. It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. You do whats right for you!!! Take him out of the equation. If he actually left you after planting his seed and then changing his mind then you are far better off with out him, no m,atter how hard it would be. This situation just makes me so furious. Love that baby unconditionally the way your husband should be loving you. Sounds like its time for more counceling. hang in there and know that all of us girls are here for you!!! xxx

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by lil_lady25, Jul 26, 2010
I agree with the other ladies and think that you should do what will make you happy. It sounds like this baby has made you so happy so let it be. If he isnt man enough to take care of you and your new addition then you are far better off without him. My sister-in-law is raising her 3 children on her own and doing great. Dont let someone like your husband strip you of your happiness. Just do what you feel is right. It sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart. Good luck and we will always be here for you.

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by bfromthed, Jul 26, 2010
Dont you do that this is a gift from God and tell him he better get his mund right! Wow the things we go through to have these precious gifts from God and people yes even our dh's dont really understand!

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by mhv, Jul 26, 2010
I think your husband is spouting off at the mouth.  He said a very cruel cruel thing... men tend to do that for some reason.  I think it's in their gene's sometimes.
  His emotions are going to chance 1,000 times between now and when the baby is born!  If he is adimit about not wanting this baby of a long time, then you need to tell him you are keeping the pregnancy and you 2 can talk about adoption when the time comes.  That buys you 7 months for him to change his mind.
I have a feeling he was driving to work this morning and it hit him like a ton of bricks he is xx age and is going to have 4 kids... a little overwelming for anyone, even if you want that many children.  
He said something in haste this morning... Do not do the same thing by taking a pill that is going to do horrible things, both physically and mentally.  You both need to discuss this period.  
Good Luck and Hugs!

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by GiGiGiGi, Jul 26, 2010
I agree with Amanda999.  Take some time to think about this.  There is no need to rush into a decision.  Ultimately, the choice is yours.  You just need to be prepared to deal with the consequences of whatever decision you make.

I really do think that something has happened today to upset your husband and make him panic.  This is not normal behaviour.  If he was having doubts, he really should have given it more thought before phoning you up while he was at work and dumping that on you and ending the conversation.  Not fair to you at all - not at all kind or thoughtful either... kinda jerky actually.  I think you and he need to sit down and get to the bottom of the issue.  Perhaps the issue isnt adding another child to the mix at all, but maybe financial fears, work trouble, or even doubts about your relationship.  Who knows, maybe his friends said something dumb to him.

I am very sorry that this is happening, and I will offer my support to you regardless of what you decide.

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by mjmom69, Jul 26, 2010
I'm so sorry. What an awful thing to do to you. I agree with the other ladies, do what YOU want. Don't let him threaten you. It's not fair. Would he make you choose between him and any of your other kids? This baby is small, but it is still your baby. I'm just so sorry you have to stress and worry about it. I know how hard it is to be pregnant and have a DH be cruel and uncaring (my first marriage). I'll be praying for you.

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by bevfly, Jul 26, 2010
I am shocked to believe that your husband can say that to you.You have to do whats right for you and your children.Please do not do anything drastic.Take time to think about things.You have support from all the wondeful ladies on here so remember that honey we are all here for you ok xxx

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by brigadiva, Jul 26, 2010
I am so sorry!  Perhaps he should figure out how much child support he'll be giving you for those four children because walking away isn't as easy as some men seem to think.  I'm sorry to be so crass, but that was a really mean thing for him to say, and the fact the he has hurt you so deeply and put you into this state is despicable!  I hope for both of you that he was just having one of those moments where something stupid comes out of his mouth, and when he gets home he will apologize.  I left my ex-husband when I was 15 weeks along because of his cruelty, and yes,it was hard going through the pregnancy alone and raising 2 kids by myself (he didn't seek visitation until our baby girl was 10 months old).  You probably will resolve things before it comes to that, but just know that if it ever does, you have support here like bevfly said, and you will get through it stronger than you ever were before.  Now I am married to a loving man and we are expecting his first child.  I agree that if you terminated this pregnancy that wouldn't resolve whatever the issue is (and as someone above mentioned, the resentment that would be there may even make it all worse).  There is something causing him to say that, and whatever it is won't just go away.  If he loves you and the family he has already with you, he will be accepting of this new addition.  If he leaves, he is just using this as an excuse.  Talk to him, tell him how he made you feel, and get support from a family member, too.  

Avatar universal
by angelsrejoice, Jul 26, 2010
Hi there, I read your post and I am so sorry that your husband said that to you. I am in a similar situation so I know how aweful it feels and how confusing it is. When I found out I was pregnant my husband said I should go to a clinic but I told him no. Right now I am going through a miscarriage scare and am feeling all these different emotions and all he can say is that he's going to get snipped so that this wont happen again. He doesn't offer comfort or anything and truth be told that if I lose this baby I want to try for another one. I told him we should talk about it later and all he can say is that he already has two kids that he never wanted and now maybe a third and it's time for him to get snipped. It's so heartbreaking to be treated like that. I am so sorry. Please feel free to message me if you'd like to talk more. I understand completely.

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by KarenDiane, Jul 26, 2010
Oh my goodness, what a nasty thing to say to you. I really hope he comes home and apologizes to you. Otherwise, you probably won't be able to get past his hurtful words. I doubt the morning after pill would work at 8 weeks. I think you would regret that decision anyway. I hope things work out for you.

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by natashajay, Jul 27, 2010
thank you to you all, it means sooo much to me to know you are all there, i don't think this will be resolved in the here and now i don't know my husband at the moment. there is a new journal entry with our conversation last night to update you, in the mean while i told the kids, who are thrilled. and i flushed the pill away,


ive come too far and thru too much to `get rid of it` i have made some wonderful friends here who would give anything for a baby and as ive wanted just as much i couldn't do it. i don't know what the future will hold but i know i will love this baby and that is all that matters.
i have texted hubby to say if he doesn't want he'd better sort himself out as child support and the etc, will cost him if we should divorce.
hopefully whoevers kidnapped my hubby will return him soon to a family that loves him xx

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by spiritwolf31, Jul 27, 2010
I would keep this pregnancy. He may be remembering the last pregnancy and it may be hurting him. Sometimes men arent very rational when they are hurting and do some of the dumbest things (like saying they dont want a pregnancy). You'd be amazed how many cry when they hear the HB for the first time or see the lil bean on the u/s and then they cant believe they ever suggested anything like that. cousin has 4 girls and has custody of my sister's son. She is is substitute teacher and her husband is a welder. Their children have all they ever needed plus all they ever wanted and they dont suffer for affection. Raising a large family is very doable and not as hard as some may think.  

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