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My Overdose - Day 53

Jul 27, 2010 - 4 comments

Decided to have a meltdown of sorts last night - the day had been fine, but leading into the evening, I started feeling depressed, so I started playing on the computer, thinking it would take my mind off whatever was bothering me.  Before I knew it, I was trying to find out everything I could on what happens to the body during an opiate overdose.  Everything my family/doctors told me was true, but I found there were some things they'd left out.  I don't think it hit me until last night, just how close I came to dying.  I find that extremely upsetting, but am guessing what I'm going through right now is normal.  I can't change the past; I can only make sure I don't repeat previous mistakes.  I imagine time is what I need to process how I'm feeling right now..



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1390922 tn?1280362447
by endtimeswatcher, Jul 29, 2010
I have never experienced what you described but as of 3 yrs ago I am clean, no illegal drugs, booze or cigarettes. I turned my life over to God and have made a 180! I am a different person. I know, I know...these forums get so touchy about religion and politics but hey I am gonna be me. Seems like the world it going craaazy.
I hope things work out for you. I don't know the details but expressing yourself is key to understaing oneself. Music helps too. Find a hobby and throw yourself into it. I love to read, draw, arts & crafts, research prophecy and lotsa others. I keep myself busy cuz I've got alot of health issues that cause chronic pains. 4 surgeries in less than 2 yrs. Another coming soon. And that's not even touching my IBD/IBS, Crohns disease and arthritis.
Keeping ones attitude in check is key to depression. Maybe even doing a nice deed for someone, you don't know, will pump up the spirits. Just a thought....
Peace & Blessings

1029192 tn?1292981918
by missmetal, Jul 29, 2010
Hey there - thanks for your input - and congrats to you on your 3 years!  Quite an accomplishment!  If turning your life over to God has helped with where you are now, today, then more power to you.  I'm not a religious person, but definitely very spiritual, so maybe in some way, we think the same way about certain things.

You have Crohn's, too and IBS?  Maybe we can bounce stuff off each other - that would be great.

Thanks for the suggestions you gave - I do crafts (I must have 15 different things started lol) and do find that doing nice things for people does make me feel good...I'm still really early into my recovery, so I expect there will be more days (hopefully not too many) where I'm down - everyone processes things differently.  I think as long as I recognize that having a pity party here/there isn't the end of the progress I've made, and make the effort to bring myself up again (without using - which, after coming that close to dying - won't be a problem - I've lost the pychological and physical desire to touch narcotics and make myself feel that bad again) - I will be just fine.

Have a great evening - hope we can become friends  :-)

Karen



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by desperate4help4747, Jul 29, 2010
It can certainly be a merry-go-round the first year or so of staying clean.....but remember to pat yourself on the back every day. I know the past, especially the thought of o.d.ing can be scary.....been there.....but the past is the past. Make peace with it and move on. Instead of thinking about possibly dying, the of the living you'll be doing clean. I commend you, and will say a prayer for you. Just remember your doing great!
Greg

1029192 tn?1292981918
by missmetal, Jul 29, 2010
Hello Greg!

THANK YOU so much for your words of encouragement -

I didn't mean to sound like I'm always focusing on the "almost dying" - for some reason, I was hell bent the other night on knowing EXACTLY what happened to me (my body) during the overdose - I found out, let me tell you - there were things my family didn't tell me...but...truthfully...not a day goes by that I don't think of some aspect of my overdose, and I imagine it will be like that for the rest of my life (I'm sure as time goes by, the memories and visions will become less vivid), but I'll never forget.

Thank you again - have a great night!

Karen  :-)

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