All Journal Entries Journals

Its not so fun to eat Crow...!

Jul 27, 2010 - 8 comments






Oh My gosh I just wrote a whole long thing and I deleted it and Sure did not mean what I said is that it is so hard when you have to eat crow and I have found that I have had to do that a bit now. I have let too many feelings get the best of me and playing into a hand of drama. I want to get so things off my chest but at the same time, some things should be said better or at the write time or a better form..these are things that I have found myself going threw. I'm grateful to be learning and growing I do find it hurts at times and as I said I sure hate when I'm the one to make things worse.

I also want to ask what you all think or whom ever may read this message, I'm wondering if I should do AA/NA? I was not taking the pain medication for getting a high. I took it for pain and I went on my own down from 80 mgs a day to 10 and stayed at that ten for a few years. So I don't find myself dealing with the wanting it part. I do find myself seeing life for the first time in a long time and I mess up but I'm seeing allot of that for the first time with open Eyes...oh and to add I'm going to be seeing a counselor starting this week. So I'm kind of hoping that , that will help allot......
Well I hope someone reads this and gets back to me.....
Thanks Rhea

Post a Comment
617347 tn?1331296681
by laurel453, Jul 27, 2010
I think that only you can say something like this. You say that you were more dependent than addicted to them but i know there is a page at NA web where you can answer a questionnaire about it.

On the other hand, i know that you could find a lot of good things for you there and yu very well  even like working the 12 step programm  from the point of view of where you are now as a person, imo. I don't attend them as you know, it's not as easy where i live, but i have seen a lot of wonderful people who attend them  with a clear and better state of mind all of them and sure of themselves, working on themselves and this is always good for anyone if the person feels confortable with that programm, of course, it is not for all....And i know this is your goal too, you are doing a lot of personal searching and from what i have heard them, they have grown up as a person, this is what they say and what they look to yes, if you feel like going, give it a try and then you can judge by yourself, Rhea. Good luck whatever your decision may be!.

1316708 tn?1310919782
by ladyrhea4, Jul 27, 2010
Well My Sweet Friend Laurel,
Thank You for writing...I am so grateful for your friendship and in put on what I had to say. Oh and to let you know the next post I made I tried to proof Read is a thought...

Anyway I am thinking hard on the whole thing about AA/NA I have allot to learn and I'm willing to stop fighting the things that I have to do to get whole again. You know what I mean? So who knows maybe I need to go I sure don't think it would hurt...And Having 2 sisters that are addicts and a whole lot of family members that have drinking problems..

I'm thinking it would not hurt me...Thank You again Honey for talking to me and reading my and downs it is still mine.......Love you my friend

1184961 tn?1292577676
by DeeJaye45, Jul 27, 2010
Only you can really answer that. Laurel has a good idea about going to the NA site and answering the questions to Am I an addict? Also talking to your new counselor  about it  might be a plan.  I never took pain pills to get high but going to NA meetings recently is helping me grow now. But when I first stopped them I could not imagine being there. They work for some, but  not for all. Best of luck whatever you decide. Keep us posted!!

1316708 tn?1310919782
by ladyrhea4, Jul 27, 2010
hey thanks so much Deejaye45,
Thanks to reading what I wrote and writing back to me...I do think I will go over and do the test..Along with that I sure I don't sound like I'm thinking I'm better then that, I sure don't mean it that way. I know that thew getting clean I have had allot to learn and feel again. I mean I took Pain Pills every day for 8 years so you have to be addicted in some way. You know what I mean...well you are addicted but what I meant is that I may not have been looking for the High, but it sitll does all the same stuff and it still kept me in its grips for way to long.
But I will keep you posted and thanks again it does mean so much to me to have people read it and write back.....
Loves and hugs Rhea

1374969 tn?1321461090
by sjf77, Jul 28, 2010
I would agree with Dee and say that you should exlore that option with your counselor.  My thought is that if you talk to the counselor about the feelings you have about your pain meds and work through them with him/her, there may not be a need to go to NA.  He or she can help guide you in the way that will be the healthiest for you.  Good luck! :)

PS-- I love the new profile picture... you are so pretty! :)  

1316708 tn?1310919782
by ladyrhea4, Jul 28, 2010
Hey thanks so much for saying such a nice thing about my photo..I kind of figured I should put a photo of myself up and not just my dog. I do love my dog...anyway I will be talking to my Counselor about Everything..And there is allot. I was trying to look on line last Night for a Online support group, because of me being Agoraphobic I have a hard time getting out of the house and Going to see the Counselor is going to be a big thing for me so I wanted to try and find something online that I could start to see if that form would work or not..
Thank You so much for reading and writing to me
It really means allot
Loves and hugs Rhea

1374969 tn?1321461090
by sjf77, Jul 28, 2010

You're welcome... I understand the thing about it being a big deal to go to a therapist's office.  I'm needing to get into therapy myself for... well, many things, GAD, depression, etc etc. but I have such an anxiety problem when it comes to driving that it's really hard for me to get out and go.  Aren't things like this wonderful... I need to go to therapy to deal with my anxiety, but my anxiety is keeping me from going to therapy.  What a vicious cycle. *sigh*  Anyway,  I hope that you do get to go... online things might help some, but in my opinion, nothing is as effective as being face-to-face because of voice inflection, body language, etc., that can't be picked up on online.  I think I remember sillygirl (Ann) saying something about there being therapists that will actually make house calls. I don't know the logistics as far as insurance, etc., but it might be worth looking into.  And, of course you know that we are always here for you, too. :)

Take care,

Stacey :)

1316708 tn?1310919782
by ladyrhea4, Jul 28, 2010

Hey thanks for writing again...I mean that....I get so happy when someone writes
and even happier when someone understands the feelings I have with going to see someone. I also have panic and anxieties and they are so not fun and I add in there Agoraphobia also...But I made it and we started today and I tell you it was the hardest session I have ever had..So many Pinned up feelings...But I have to work on if I can keep myself going...Oh as far as the therapist coming to my house My Shrink told me that he did not know of Any that did that kind of thing...And he is the one that told me to see the doctor that I am and he is in the same building.. which is in the small area that I can drive with out someone..Well I get to take my dog in places because he is a working 2 and a half pounds of poodle and it helps me be able to get out of my house. I feel like some old lady that can't go anywhere with out her Pet..Oh sad is that...Well I'm not the old lady not married living with a bunch of
Well sorry I yapped on and on.........It is so nice to have you write.....thanks again
Loves Rhea

Post a Comment