Jul 30, 2010
It's about 5 p.m. on July 30th 2010 and I have been tapering down from a gross 6-7 perc 30 a day habit. It blows my mind to know I allowed myself to get here again and at a much worse addiction. I clearly remember when I was dead against ever taking any more than a perc 10. I actually held onto to those hypocritical morals for over 9 years during my on and off times of prescription drug use. The down fall, besides my horrible decision making, was moving to Florida. I didn't know anyone back home to ever experiment with the p 30's. Therefore they were never in my life. I moved here and that is all I could find, considering I don't doctor shop, nor do I ask around too much. It's funny when i think about how I don't want to look like an addict, though I am. Anywho, it started with breaking them into 7.5's and quickly becoming a 15 then all the way up to the big 30. I guess the only "for lack of better words", moral, I did keep was to never take a whole one after my first morning dose.lol! Anyway ya stir the pot, it all is the same! Which brings me to here, and this awesome forum I found about a month ago, So many people standing up against the same fight and the will to win!!!
I have a much better outlook and a greater determination just by the simple words of encouragement I have already recieved and I just joined today. And I have an excitement back as I read on about the many people who have battled and are still fighting and winning against their own demon of choice. This has truly added the extra push I can always use while facing my own devil. And to feel as though I'm never alone in this. No matter how bad I feel, The headaches,(ughhhhhh, enough already!!!!). Lack of motivation and energy, Those 3 things have definitely been shadowing me hard today. And I'm sure for many days to come. But like all of the solidiers out there I've been reading about, I will too, stand strong and brave this battle. And always remember, DEFEAT IS ONLY IF YOU ACCEPT IT!!!!!!!!