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Never Be How I Want Them To Be

Aug 06, 2010 - 0 comments

  Thanks Dad. Thanks for the encouraging words. Thanks for calling me every once in a while to see how I'm doing. Thanks for offering me some help with paying for school or telling me that you're proud of me for getting through all this while dealing with horrible depression. Thanks for taking my side every once in a while when I was young. Thanks for everything.

  My Dad is the hardest working guy that I've ever met. He would get up and go to work with a bullet whole in his arm and never complain even for a second. My Dad is the most honest person that I've ever met. He would make old George Washington look like today's version of a politician. My Dad is the kindest person I've ever met. So rarely have I ever heard my father ever speak in a bad light about anyone. Even if they deserve every bad thing ever said about them. These are some pretty redeemable qualities. My Dad is all these things but, the one thing he's not is my father.

  I hate to say that about someone who's such a great man but. how could he be now or ever? We'll never have a Superbowl Sunday together. No chance of a Christmas Dinner. None of these things. How could we? He has to choose between me and my mother and for him that's not even a choice. I'll never be able to win that fight. So the time may be coming near for us to part ways once and for all. I hate to say that but, It's not fair for him to have to live this sort of double life that he's been living with me on one side and my mother and sister on the other. That's his family. He works hard for them. He would never be dishonest with them. My Dad would never say anything bad about them. I'm not them. I'm me. And just like he may be my Dad but, not my father I'm his kid but, I'm not his son. I have a lot of bad things to say about his family. I'll keep that for another time though. Right, wrong, or indifferent that's the way it is. In all reality I wish it weren't this way but, it is and always will be. It's better accept this and start getting ready to move on. Better to accept that I won't ever have a family. Better to accept that things will never be how I want them to be.


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