Aug 19, 2010
Woke this morning feeling a lot more numbness and sensations than yesterday morning. Darn. Every morning I wake up and hope that either it will all be gone or more diminished than the previous day.
Talked to husband about the possiblility of MS several times now. Just don't want him to be surprised if that's what the dx turns out to be. In so many ways I am so fortunate and blessed (I feel God is with me through this, loving husband, extended family near, children who are teens and able to care for selves should I not be able to, access to the best medical advice, I have medical insurance, we have a lovely pool I get into every day to soothe my sensations and relax, the resources to eat the best food there is and go to massage therapy, don't "work" for a living, etc). The list goes on.
Yet, I still get so depressed that this might be MS and that it is a lifelong thing. Wasn't it just a few years ago that I ran a marathon? Now I walk for an hour a day and go for a swim but that's about all I am afraid to do. Outwardly I do not show signs of any impairment yet inside my body is screaming that there is something terribly and systemically WRONG.
I know God didn't cause me to get this and He will use it but it's just so hard and so scary if I allow myself to think beyond the day in front of me.
My husband has biked in the MS 150 several times with me and the kids in tow. All the while I didn't really understand what MS was although we knew of people who had it and had died from complications from it. How odd that that is what I might have.
The sensations died down late morning after my walk and a swim in the pool. I do feel somewhat tired after my exercise but it helps my body to relax and my mind to focus on other things, and who knows how long I may be able to do it.