Aug 20, 2010
I had no idea that this world of chronic pain and fear existed for some people 24/7, 365. Some of the stories about what some people are going through are just so gut wrenching. How do these people survive? The body and mind are so amazing but so complex and there is so much we don't know.
There were times today when I forgot I am facing a possible MS dx. Physically my symptoms got better and better as the day progressed. Every little thing made me happier and happier today. Heard a tune called "Happy Habits" on that old-time XM channel and just had to smile. It was so cheerful. It sounded kind of like a 50's commercial. Totally got lost in the vball game tonight and grocery shopping (I love both of those so much!). I gotta be insane.
Anyway, forgot to mention that last night I awoke at 3am ish and had a deep itch or something in my chest. Through a process of trial and error these past few months I have learned that the only thing that works for any one of these crazy symptoms I am having is ice packs. So, up I got to the laundry frig and I grabbed an icepack and applied it to my chest. At some point I moved it to my back and lay on my stomach and drifted off. Funny I seem to be getting use to things like this, where as a month or two ago it would totally freak me out to the point where I would start having trouble breathing. By morning it was over and I forgot about it until now, so I guess it's a good thing.
Every morning when I move to get up I am reminded that this is still with me. Still so much better than a couple of months ago when the sensations kept me up at night or had to hang feet off the bed. Sometimes I wonder if one of these mornings it will all be gone or will it have flared to the point where I can't get out of bed? Chronically dealing with symptoms until the end of my days or will it be manageable for most of the rest of my life? Nothing is certain for I could die in a car accident tomorrow and what would these symptoms matter?
See, can't think this way, I must stay positive and just live every day as it comes. I will not let this thing steal my joy or my efforts to live every moment fully. Whatever will happen tomorrow, will happen tomorrow whether I worry or wonder about it today.
I pray all the time. It is relaxing and comforting all at the same time. I have a relationship with God. We communicate. Of course I do way too much talking and not enough listening. Will work on that but it will take more practice as there is so much I have to say to Him.