Mar 05, 2017
So I had a dream that I was about to commit suicide, only I didn't really want to die, I just wanted to hurt myself. But in my dream it upset me and when I woke up, I was extremely upset and outraged that I would even consider such a thing. So I don't want to. But my brain was thinking about it. I wonder if it's because I know Audrey's daughter tried it twice in the last couple weeks. Either way, it was upsetting. So I cuddled with Danny and got myself into a different frame of mind. So I feel much better now, but there are 2 things still giving me anxiety. The first is the modem. It gets very warm. So I've decided to just turn it off when I'm not home or sleeping so that I don't have to worry about it, and I'm not using it then anyway. The other thing is Danny & I went for a walk on the river path yesterday but we saw ground squirrels and I know that ground hogs in AZ have been known to carry the Bubonic plague. So now I'm worried that walking in the same dust as they did will give me and Danny the plague. I know it's absolutely ridiculous. I know we're not going to get the plague. But that's what I'm worried about now. Why does my brain have to work like this? But instead of that, I'm going to be grateful that we got some good exercise instead.
Edit: Danny and I went for a good long walk this morning which helped, and then I went and did my shopping for the week. And on my way home, I asked myself "Do you want to have a nice relaxing Sunday or do you want to worry that you're going to catch the Bubonic Plague?" And when I put it like that, it was a pretty simple choice. So no more worrying about the plague for me today.