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Aug 18, 2008 - 1 comments






I'm up and down all the time and I can't find the center. I try to be what people want me to be because I can't find within myself who I am or who I want me to be. I try to succeed but every effort I make is thwarted by my own shortcomings or the harsh realities of life. I try to keep fighting but so far every fight has left me more broken and bruised than when I started.

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by SpaCreekKid, Aug 18, 2008
Your entry is so sad :(   Not knowing much about you, let me ask you this: can you afford to talk to a professional and possibly get some proper medication for depression/anxiety?  It may clear up the 'dark clouds' so that you can 'see' better and not continue to be as distraught and feel defeated!  There is good in all of us.  Some people take longer to find what they can excell at. My own son sounded very much like you in not knowing who HE really was, therefore, it tainted every relationship he tried to have.  He wasn't sure if it was HIM who was 'not right' or HER, because he didn't have a gut feeling re: strong likes and dislikes... boundaries, etc.  He would 'flip flop' constantly and be easily swayed into thinking what someone else wanted him to think!  He is on meds now and his voice has lifted and he is more able to think clearly and 'feel' who he really is. It has helped him in his career (photographer) and in a current relationship. He still struggles sometimes, but I think alot of us do if we were not 'guided' early enough in our lives to walk a certain path or were easily discouraged in school when failing something that others seem to breeze by with!  Chin up!  You will come out all right :)

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