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I almost left today

Aug 29, 2010 - 0 comments

Mental Health




suicide thoughts

After the verbal abuse that my mother heaped on me last night I packed up everything in my bedroom upstairs.  I was determined that my mental health was more important than sticking around here helping my mother recover from the broken hip.  I realized that for the past few days I have been sighing alot.  This was one of the things I did before I went into my major depression before.

I was also getting suicidal ideation which scares the heck out of me.  My fathers pistol is in the drawer in this room. I have to push those thoughts away.  The next time I think of them I will take the gun and give it to my brother-in-law. I don't have pills that could kill me so that isn't a worry.  I can also call my therapist on her cell phone if I am desperate.

Finally I feel like my mother and sister realize that I am getting to the breaking point.  Mother apologized and I forgave her.  This time.  The next time she is tired and hurting, I am not sure she will remember what she said.  He memory is slipping badly and I can see that sometimes she truly doesn't know what went on before.  We've have to explain somethings to her many, many times and she still gets them confused.

I'm giving this home care for mother one more chance.........mostly because I cannot just run off and dump it all on my sister and brother-in-law.

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